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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just one child

106 replies

MuddyMoose · 12/01/2019 09:24

If you have just one child & have decided to have no more, AIBU to ask why you chose to stop at just the one? General curiosity.

OP posts:
birdiewoof · 12/01/2019 09:25

Doesn’t apply to me as a parent as I have 3, but I am an only child and that is why I have 3 children!

Parthenope · 12/01/2019 09:26

Why are you curious, though? It’s a very run of the mill thing to be curious enough to start a thread about.

BovrilOverkillOhMyInsides · 12/01/2019 09:27

Can't answer that. But I aimed for two and eventually had my two. I'm one of two. I always thought a unit of four was pretty neat.

Hedgehogblues · 12/01/2019 09:30

Because it took me twenty years to get pregnant with this one

Auntiepatricia · 12/01/2019 09:30

I have 4 but sometimes I fantasise about life with one child. It could be pretty wonderful. The attention and exploration you could do with one. Travel and education for the child. Two I think is ideal for balance between kids needs and parents freedom. 4 kids is all about the kids. Our lives don’t really exist but I adore them all and have huge excitement about our bunch and future as a family. Doesn’t mean I can’t see the benefit of 1!

Original poster
MuddyMoose · 12/01/2019 09:34

@parthenope i have a 2 year old son. Before him I always wanted more children. After a very difficult labour with a lot of serious complications I was out off ever having more. My son is an absolute delight & was worth every second of the troubles that followed. But since time has passed, I'm so torn between wanting another child & only having him. I was just wondering if those who decided to have just one just knew 100% they didn't want anymore (& I suppose why people did chose to have more than 1). I'm so scared of making the wrong decision & regretting it (for example leaving it too late & wishing I had gone ahead & had one more before time was too late).

Hope this makes sense. I slept very little last night & apologise if this is a bit jumbled! Smile

OP posts:
Celebelly · 12/01/2019 09:35

Following with interest. I was an only child and absolutely loved it, and my inclination has always been to be 'one and done'. I'm pregnant with my first and so far still would like only one, although I'm aware that maybe I'll change my mind. That said, DP (who does have siblings he is close with) is also in the one and done camp.

For me, various reasons to do with lifestyle, opportunities, finances, and just the kind of parent I want to be, along with the lovely childhood I had, the relationship I have with my mum, the opportunities and experiences I had.

Aragog · 12/01/2019 09:35

Fertility issues and a couple of ops which didn't really help. Decided not to go down the fertility treatment route and stop at one.

Dd is 16 and well balanced, loves life and is an extremely happy person with plenty of friends including some very close friends. It was one of our priorities. As a family we are very close and spend a lot of time together as well as Dd doing her own thing at times too.

Siblings does not always mean closeness or support at times if need. I've known a number of adults who have issues with siblings and who have still be the one left to support parents alone etc. I've known siblings who do nothing but fight, and a small number who've even gone NC in the end. And I've known only children who have loved life as an only child and continue to do so as an older adult.

At present Dd is happy and so are we.

4point2fleet · 12/01/2019 09:39

We have one entirely by choice. We'd been together for a very long time before we had DS and only ever intended to have one. There are multiple reasons:

DH is eldest of 5 and didn't enjoy that experience.
I'm youngest of 3 and didn't enjoy that experience.
Neither of us are close to our adult siblings.
We know some adults who are close to their siblings, but also many who have no or negative relationships with them.
We are introverts and would find the additional demand/ noise difficult.
Financially we can provide a lot for one, less so for 2.
I hated being pregnant and was quite unwell.
The birth was pretty traumatic.
DS was the world's worst sleeper so we were exhausted until he was well out of his baby days, by which point it was not appealing to go back.
We looked at friends/ family who went for more and never saw anything that looked like fun to us.

We LOVE having one.

Raspberry10 · 12/01/2019 09:46

I nearly died in childbirth, and the DD was very ill for weeks afterwards, I really didn’t fancy going through that again. Then had absolutely no help from family (grandparents or DH’s siblings) despite them living 10 mins away.

I’m an only child and have never been that bothered about having siblings, and DH wasn’t keen after so much stress, so we decided to stick at one.

Wonkypalmtree · 12/01/2019 09:55

I know lots of people with only children, I think people leaving it later and financial restrictions make this so. I know people who had s D.C. late thirties and never managed to successfully deliver another.

Nnnnnineteen · 12/01/2019 10:02

Various reasons. Problems conceiving. Pnd. Career. And ultimately realising that I liked the one i had but I inherently do not like other kids and I am a not a natural mother. Love my dc and we have a fabulous life but a second would not have been possible for me to parent.

scaryteacher · 12/01/2019 10:03

I got an AutoimmuneI disease whilst pregnant, that still remains with me 23 years on. Ds was in SBU and then had a myriad of issues, one of which he still has.

I was advised strongly by my health visitor not to have any more (and having sneaked a peek at my medical file at the local hospital one day, I could see why), so we stuck at one.

We are able to do so much more for one; he is through university (a BA and an MA without loans or any debt), and we can help him with rent when he gets his first job.

Yes, I would have liked another, but the risks inherent in that would have impacted all of our lives if the medical predictions had come true. Better to be happy with what you have, rather than yearning for what you can't.

Alarae · 12/01/2019 10:07

Not in that camp yet, but OH and I have decided on one. Ours is for financial reasons, as we just could not afford the childcare for more than one child. We have no family up here so no other support.

Maybe we may consider another but it would lead to a larger age gap as we would need to wait for free 30 hours or school so we are not paying full whack for two.

If I'm honest, I would rather provide a full experience to one child then to struggle with two.

KonekoBasu · 12/01/2019 10:11

I wanted more than one, but after a difficult pregnancy, a labour I found traumatic and left me with anxiety that I'm still on medication for six years later, I'm not doing it again.

Lazypuppy · 12/01/2019 10:13

I was an only child and loved it. We are very comfortable money wise at the moment. I don't want to be at home with 2 so IF we decide to have another (unlikely) it won't be until dd is 5 and off to primary school.
Due to my last labour i would have to have a c section which i really don't want (personal choice)

BeautifulPossibilities · 12/01/2019 10:14

My husband doesn't want anymore.

I had difficult conception, pregnancy and birth which has further compounded his opinion.

Vanillaradio · 12/01/2019 10:17

It's kind of worked out that way. I wanted 2 or 3 but PND, finances and having to stabilise diabetes meant not trying again till ds was nearly 3 by which time I was nearly 40 , tried for 11 months and nothing happened. Took a break from trying and 18 months later haven't gone back to it and feeling like we are too old and the age gap too big now, also now ds is at school enjoying not having to pay huge nursery fees and having some time to myself on my non working days and being able to do more stuff with ds on weekends/holidays now he's older.

Pinkhorses · 12/01/2019 10:22

We have one. I had lovely pregnancy and enjoyed early years. Felt so happy with the one I had and loved the life and relationship we had. I struggled with whether to have another - but really , only because I was scared I might regret not having another - and it’s what people do. But I was happy with the one I got , and now she’s older I think it was the best decision - life is good.

haverhill · 12/01/2019 10:23

I'm increasingly glad we had just one. I adore him but constantly worry about his future in an unstable world. I think worrying about two or more would finish me off! Financially we'll be able to help him more, too.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 12/01/2019 10:23

Because I had a horrific pregnancy and labour and didn't want to experience it again.I am totally happy with one child and don't regret our decision.Ds is 5 next month and I'm so glad we are out of the bottles/weaning/ toilet training stages

HayCaramba · 12/01/2019 10:27

I always thought I’d have one DC and DH and I were almost 100% sure. I am an only child and had a nice childhood though when I went to uni or on school trips I found it very difficult to adjust to having other children around me all the time.
In the end we decided to try for another DC and have an almost 6 year age gap. I don’t regret this decision at all. As I get older and my parents need me more, it would be wonderful to have someone else to share the worries with (I know there’s no guarantees siblings get on). I see the bond my dad has with his brothers. Sibling love can be a wonderful thing. I wanted to give my DC a chance to experience it.

SolemnlySwear2010 · 12/01/2019 10:28

We only have 1 mostly due to health reasons- I had a very bad labour that has left me with permanent damage. I don't think my body would cope with another pregnancy, plus we are happy as a family of 3.

I do sometimes fret about whether our DD will resent us when she grows up, but I think she would prefer to have a mother who is healthy rather than a sibling and a mother who is bed bound.

We would love another but just not in the cards for us Sad

Xmasbaby11 · 12/01/2019 10:32

My friends who have only children have a lot of freedom. They appreciate the money and attention they can give their dc. Their dc have fantastic lives.

Not saying other children don't have fantastic lives!

I have 2dc and while I would never change that, if we'd just had one, they would have a lot more individual attention and more opportunities.

Original poster
MuddyMoose · 12/01/2019 10:39

Thank you to everyone who has replied so far. It's made interesting (& thought provoking) reading

OP posts: