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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Just one child

106 replies

MuddyMoose · 12/01/2019 09:24

If you have just one child & have decided to have no more, AIBU to ask why you chose to stop at just the one? General curiosity.

OP posts:

whatsnewchoochoo · 12/01/2019 16:34

Because DS is absolutely perfect - I'm made to be this kids mother. I don't think I'd like a second as much and that wouldn't be fair

Ourownpersonaltrap · 12/01/2019 16:50

Personal preference. We have more time and more money with 1. I don’t wish to go through the baby/toddler years again. My friend is an only and she says she was fine with it and if she were to have a child she would have just one. I love my daughter but I also like my lifestyle.

I have no guilt about this. I’ve heard the “but she will be lonely” arguments but I don’t believe it’s a reason to have another one.

Creatureofthenight · 12/01/2019 16:58

I’ve never wanted a big family - I thought I didn’t want any children until I was mid 30s
I had a difficult labour and had an emergency c section, and would rather not do it again
I really don’t think I could willingly submit to this amount of sleep deprivation again!

Purpleartichoke · 12/01/2019 17:15

Medical issues and education expenses were big factors. I am now very happy that 9yo DD is an only. She has more opportunities and we have a lot more freedom and flexibility than our friends and family who have more children. Yes, she is missing the sibling experience, but I think the trade offs have been worth it.

mrcharlie · 12/01/2019 17:19

Simple
Age and finances.

consideringtakingthetreedown · 12/01/2019 17:40

Not as young as I was. Needed fertility treatment the first time, not sure it would work again and don't want DD to have to watch me go through that rollercoaster when she's too little to understand why mummy is hurting. Plus, while I was dithering over that decision, an old acquaintance who is the same age as me nearly died and gave birth to a very prem baby, due to completely unforeseen health complications that hadn't arisen in her first two pregnancies. The thought that my DD could be left motherless if something went wrong chilled my to the bone.

BitchQueen90 · 12/01/2019 17:47

Plenty of reasons for me.

Bad pregnancy and bad labour
Split up with DS's dad when DS was 10 months and I don't want children with different fathers (not saying there's anything wrong with that but I just don't want to do it)
I'm not a "natural" at parenting, I have to work hard at it
Finances, I'm not well off and I can currently afford to take DS on days out, holidays etc. I could not afford that if I had another and we would struggle.

RuthW · 12/01/2019 17:55

I'm an only child and I have an only child. Never wanted any more. She wants 2 though herself. Shes 22.

lpchill · 12/01/2019 21:57

I'm a child of three and dh child of two. My siblings where all treated the same. Dh and sip are not. Part of the reason dh is happy with one

I always wanted two. But after horrible birth then colic then pnd, we settled for one as we could get worse the next time

Another reason is we can give a better life to one. Two we would always be struggling.

I feel guilt sometimes and have a wobble but it's very short lived. We also got a dog that is practically a brother to our dd.

thecatsthecats · 12/01/2019 22:20

Would like two.

Twins run in the family though, very frequently, and I really don't want three. If I have twins, perfect, but if I have one, it's high stakes to go for a second pregnancy.

I can really see myself stopping at one if I do have one first. My husband and are aren't the type to be inclined to go back to the hard place of early baby and toddler years once we've made progress. Just doesn't seem very "us".

BuilderEtiquette · 12/01/2019 23:16

I don’t have any yet but at the moment I only want 1. My two best friends both have only children and the children seem to be more involved in their parents lives and have deeper, calmer relationships with them. They can do activities that everyone genuinely enjoys because there are fewer people to please. They can also be more spontaneous, because there’s less to juggle.

e.g. In the autumn one friend and her 7 yo child jumped on a sleeper train up to Scotland want for a hike, found a b&b to sleep in and came back the next day. They take her to parties too (where appropriate. Not hen parties ). She loves being treated like an adult, but also has friends her own age.

I was one of three in quick succession and I love my siblings but we were definitely hard work. My parents were either parenting us (telling us off for fighting, juggling 3 sets of homework/after school activities) or out without us because they needed a break!

starabara · 12/01/2019 23:56

I wanted more than one. This thread is timely for us. After DD1, who was conceived two weeks after deciding to try, and who was a awonderful pregnancy and delivery, and an easy fun baby, we waited a while. We didn’t want more than one younger than school age at a time.

Three years ago we decided to try for dc2. Several miscarriages, some of them life threatening for me, several surgeries and a molar pregnancy, and i am trying to face the fact that DD1 is likely to be all we get. She’s incredible. But I’m desperate for another and trying to talk myself out of it, and into the wonders of one. No matter how hard I try I still want another baby, but I think this is the end of the road.

RockYourSocksOff · 13/01/2019 00:24

My age, finances, pnd.

DuffBeer · 13/01/2019 00:31

Oh this thread is also very timely for me! I have started another thread pondering whether I should have another, because the one I have is bloody hard work!

If we stick at one, it will be due to the fact that I'm too scared to do it again, in case I end up with the Mark II version and have a breakdown

DuffBeer · 13/01/2019 00:32

Very sorry to those who have suffered losses

Seniorschoolmum · 13/01/2019 00:36

I was 45 when dc1 was born. Now that I have him I would have liked more but it wasn’t realistic.
Even 5 years earlier I didn’t imagine myself having children.

MrsApplepants · 13/01/2019 00:42

I was the eldest of 3 and hated it. Would much preferred to have been an only child. My sisters and I are not close as adults either. I think siblings are overrated. I only ever wanted one child, so we stopped at one. Our daughter loves being an only and I love the fact that she will never be burdened with siblings. I understand other families have happier sibling relationships but I’ve not seen many.

Minniemountain · 13/01/2019 07:20

I agree siblings are overrated. Elder DSis and I don't see much of each other as we are very different. DH gets on well with his DB but barely sees him either.

QwertyLou · 13/01/2019 07:30

I’m single, so there’s that But even if I wasn’t, I feel happy and complete with the one I’ve got. I would prefer not to have a second.

The caveat is that my son is very close to his cousins and I put a lot of effort into nurturing those relationships, and ones with good family friends. I know these cannot replicate siblings but he still has that sense of growing up with other kids.

howtoexplain · 13/01/2019 07:36

Ttc for seven years with no success. Adopted our amazing DS which hasnt been an easy ride but so so worth it. Haven't used contraception now in twenty years so guess just not meant to be.

Seline · 13/01/2019 07:46

I'm an only child and I had 3 children to ensure mine would not be! That being said if my last pregnancy had been my first I don't think I'd have had another.

Lifeofsmiley · 13/01/2019 07:56

We couldn’t afford any more. Having an only when they were younger was ok. It as he gets older I find myself wishing he had siblings , his dad died last year so it really is just the two of us. No other family.

Theonewiththecat · 13/01/2019 07:56

We love having 1. Dd loves being an only. Everything is so easy. We have lots of great days out. We go abroad every year. Go on mini breaks. We get to spend so much quality time with dd, individually and as a family.

sanityisamyth · 13/01/2019 07:56

My then husband went online dating whilst we were still married when DS was 11 months old. Put an end to everything.

iamkahleesi · 13/01/2019 08:20

Not everyone decides to stop at 1. It took 2 years to conceive my first, I recently miscarried my second.

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