Just one child

[MuddyMoose]

If you have just one child & have decided to have no more, AIBU to ask why you chose to stop at just the one? General curiosity.

I was an only child and loved it so having just one DD felt right to me. She tells me she likes it and it suits our lifestyle and finances too so all good.

DH is 12 years older than me and I was only 21 when we first got together. Didn’t have DS until I was 34 as there didnt seem any rush. We stupidly never really thought of DH age as a factor - we only considered fertility rather than the practicality of his age.

I found the first 18 months of being a being a Mum really hard - some PND, DS screamed lots, DH worked away most weeks and I had no family local enough to help.

Also
Couldn’t afford childcare for two, as in my wage wouldn’t cover it, and I didn’t want to give up work (DH earned more - we have shared finances). At one point with childcare, dog care and travel, I was working full time for £500 per month. That was tough!

Once we were at a stage where we felt practically it was more possible, we realised we’d go to a place where DS was that bit easier being out of the toddler stage and we found going out and about easier. Also DH was almost 50 and without any pension saved. He was also getting more tired. We realised that although we (more so me) wanted another child it wasn’t the right thing to do for our family.

The good thing is that DS has never once asked for a brother or sister. He loves our family of 4 (DDog is the fourth member! )

Life is good and having just one means we have money and time for fun. Also we have family willing to have DS for sleepovers at weekend occasionally. Also means we can overpay on mortgage etc, start saving for our retirements and help DS out.

All in all having one was the right thing for us but I do sometimes feel a bit sad. If I could turn the clock back and do things differently we’d have had DS sooner and would then probably have another but hey ho

Our first daughter was born sleeping at 20 weeks. That experience near enough destroyed me. I suffered PTSD due to birth trauma. When I found out I was having DD2 I was happy, of course I was happy but I was also absolutely terrified.

This terror didn't get any better the further I got into the pregnancy, I thought that once I got past 20 weeks I'd feel better, if anything it got worse. I was convinced I was on borrowed time, that eventually something would go wrong. I was receiving counselling from my bereavement midwife throughout, I was scanned and monitored regularly, I have an absolute pile of scan photos from 9 weeks up until near enough the end, I booked an elective c-section so I had an end point in sight.

But by the end my mental health was really beginning to suffer, I was a nervous wreck, I had kidney problems and had to stay in hospital as I was in agony and during a routine monitoring session they couldn't find the heartbeat. That 5 minutes was the longest five minutes of my life. The silence was deafening. Thankfully she had tucked herself away and when a second midwife was called she found it straight away, a scan and regular kicks also showed that she was fine. But those minutes confirmed that I was right to be scared and that I would never ever put myself through that again.

I don't view my child as an only, she has a sibling but sadly that sibling is not here. So she will grow up as an only. She has cousins her own age and will have friends. I do feel guilt that she will grow up 'alone' of course I do, I have a brother, I know what she's missing out on but in my mind my DD needs a mum who is present and sane much more than she needs a living sibling.

I’m one of three and always intended to have three. I adore being one of three. We had our (only daughter) and for some reason, the desire to have another just never hit us. People do comment about it being selfish etc but I can’t get my head around the idea of having another child that we really have no desire for.

I've only had one child and I knew that is all I wanted. I'm very happy with having 1, I always felt if I had more I would struggle as I was 1 of 2 and always felt I had to compete for attention. I never wanted my child to feel like that

I guess the short version of that is that we went with head over heart

Didn't want DC for ages. Changed our minds. After I miscarried planned DC2 when DS was 2 we had a serious chat about it. The conclusion was that we'd only thought of having 2 due to convention and actually we were very happy as we were. I wanted to go back to work and didn't feel that would suit us with 2 young DC.

I think had I accidentally got pregnant again it would have been a very tough decision whether or not to keep it. Probably would have.

Now I am on medication which causes birth defects. DH is having a vasectomy to be on the safe side. I don't feel at all sad about it. DS is 5 and we are still happy with our decision.

I won’t be having any more because my body is wrecked enough from one child without making it even worse. I don’t want to be any more ugly and scarred than I already am. Plus I’m exhausted, my child is 1yo and still wakes up every hour, is very active and needs constant supervision. I’d be crazy to sign myself up for another round of that. If I’d had an easy pregnancy and birth followed by a baby who was a good sleeper, I might have felt differently.

I always wanted two children. I have one sibling and it just seemed like an ideal set up.
I am now mid thirties and have one toddler. As a family of three we are happy and comfortable with life and our finances and we feel complete. Another child would likely mean upsizing or squeezing into our two bed house. The extra cost of a second child would mean a different quality of life for us overall.

I hated every minute of being pregnant.

Having a small baby was exhausting and horrible.

I have no money. By the time I am earning, I don't want to go through all that all over again, I want to be able to relax.

I had her young, so will have years and years of freedom to look forward to as an adult with an adult child!

I hate the sound of children bickering.

I love the bond I have with DD and don't want to change it.

I look forward to every age milestone she has and want to enjoy & savour them. I don't want another baby disrupting that. I have pictured us at every age- when she's excited about first sleepovers with friends, when she's learning to read and reads from basic phonic books to me, when she's old enough to have a favourite dinner and we can cook it together once a week, when she can whinge or cheer to me about her school days over a cup of tea, when I'm working and she's at high school or college and I can book a half day off now and then so I can pick her up and go to Starbucks with her and have her witter on about whatever is important to teenagers by then... It might not all pan out like that but there wouldn't be any chance with a little brother or sister hanging on.

I like that she can come home and relax. It's as quiet as she wants it to be, she doesn't have anyone snatching her toys, and we can all chill out a bit before bed.

We always had an idea we only wanted one. Then pretty terrible labour, PND and employment issues sealed the deal. She's 3.5 now and although I do sometimes have pangs (close relative just about to have second etc) I do know that it's not for us.

We nearly had an only child, as a family of three it was fine. However, she was also the only grandchild on both sides. With two sets on involved grandparents it meant six adults focused on the one child. It just felt too pressured. We also thought about what that would mean as grandparents die. So, we had another when she was at five which works really well.

Financial initially. We are not entitled to anything but CB and we are in the camp of not being entitled to anything but not earning enough that a £700 childcare bill each month doesn't effect us massively.

However I also had a difficult pregnancy and to be honest although we adored him - neither of us really enjoyed the first year or so - I was constantly anxious and sleep deprived - I honestly don't know how people cope with multiple small children! - we are a bit older and we just didn't fancy that again. I have since had some rather serious medical issues that mean there is no longer any chance.

As it stands we are really lucky to have our lovely little boy - he has recently said to me that he doesn't want to be the on his own - I think that was what he was saying as his little friend at school is having a new baby but it is what it is. He has a lovely little cousin now - I'm sure he will be fine.

My chronic illness. My age. Our money.

Following with interest! I'm currently 17 weeks pregnant with our first and hoping to head back to work next week after 12 weeks of horrific nausea and morning sickness which my doctor signed me off for. I haven't enjoyed pregnancy so far and am full of anxiety, I just want him here safely. During the worst of my sickness as I verging on depression and really struggling to cope.

I've always thought I'd like 2 or 3 children, only having 1 never entered my head to be honest. I have a very close relationship with my brother and we had so much fun growing up. I would still like 2 or 3 but I honestly can't imagine putting myself through this again, and that's with an extremely supportive husband who has literally done everything around the house for the last 3 months because I couldn't. If I do come round the idea it'll be years down the line and by that stage my age will be a risk.

I had a traumatic birth resulting in a c-section and then postnatal anxiety (I was convinced DS would die in the night

I found the baby stage very difficult to be honest and everything just seemed really hard work until he was about 3.5

He's 5 now and at school. Everything is so much easier and he eats/sleeps well. Holidays are actually a pleasant experience now and life generally is a lot easier. So, we have decided that we will stick with one. I honestly couldn't face the baby stage again!

I wasn't remotely ready after two years had passed so decided to not consider it at all for one year and then another year after that. And then I didn't want to start from scratch again.

I'm 100% happy with the decision now but I can't say I didn't wobble back and forth along the way.

I find it a bit annoying if people assume we had difficulty having a second

I’m an only and had a super childhood, never thought of a time when I wanted a sibling. I think my parents wanted more but it wasn’t to be.

I don’t understand the dynamics of siblings and in my wider family siblings are estranged from each other (for valid reasons).

We have decided to just have our one and give her al our time and attention. Financially this will be better for us all to.

We get asked all the time about having a second and I have no problem in saying no we are happy as we are. I love the ‘interesting’ responses we get to that!

Hated pregnancy. Awful birth. Pnd. Parenthood is not enjoyable for me so stopping at 1

I am an only of an only. I had an amazing childhood and loved being an only child. I still do. My relationship with my parents is fantastic - healthily close. Being a little gang of 3 was great growing up. Less family politics etc. My DH is one of 3 and didn't like it. We will be having one only. I only ever wanted one. All pretty chill. Plus it means DH and I can afford to take our careers down a notch and still all enjoy a decent lifestyle but have more time to spend with our little one.

My husband died when DS was almost 2.

I have 5 but huge age gaps and so much youngest is a bit like an only child and in fact is dh only child.
I think she benefits so much from it. We can do lots for and with her and she gets lots of individual attention from us.
I can see benefits on both sides but no negatives for either.

Circumstances weren't right and now I'm too old.

Had my DS at 43 after 1 miscarriage. DH is older and we decided we are happy with our little family.

Initially decided to have only one. Mainly due to cost of childcare and the fact that we have no family support at all. Nearby or otherwise. Later on wanted to have another but couldn't :( Still very sad about that as I increasingly realise that UK is a country where your children really need siblings.