To think people who have children are bonkers

[Ichabod2000]

I read threads like these: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3228427-to-ask-what-s-an-adult-problem-that-nobody-prepared-you-for, and a common theme is the crushing relentlessness and thanklessness of parenting (motherhood in particular).

Why do it? Really? It's largely a voluntary choice, and has a tangible negative impact on your time, finances, career, relationships, and often physical and mental health. Not to mention the huge negative impact overpopulation is having on our planet.

I understand people feel overwhelming love for their children, but this is after the fact - you don't feel overwhelming love for children that don't exist yet.

And people talk about how rewarding it is - but there are lots of rewarding things you can do that don't involve propagating your genes.

I'm at an age where people ask me about my plans for children, and I just can't objectively see an advantage to it. I have a brilliant DH, an interesting job that I enjoy, and plenty of free time and moolah. Why would I make the conscious decision to risk these things I have? Why do so many make that choice?

I think it's bananas, personally, and I wonder if its just me that doesn't get it?

It seems a fairly basic tenet of evolution to be driven to ensure your genes continue to exist after your death. All living things have this compunction, even plants.

This living thing clearly didn't!

@stevie your list is such a negligible part of being a parent. It really is. It’s utterly skewed.

However by making it you’ve illustrated my point perfectly about the childfree not really having a clue about what being a parent really is like.

I would do world book day every day - I don’t give a shit - if the trade off is I have my children : who you not knowing or loving will never understand and I feel sad for you. But I won’t because I won’t insult your intelligence. So please don’t insult mine.

Sad that you don’t know my children not that you’ve chosen not to have them. sorry that didn’t read well

Stevie - you are free to do what you like, but as a mother I just don't see myself in your list of questions. Night feeding is such a small proportion of your child's life that I wouldn't even consider it - I even quite enjoyed it! A lot of the other things on your list are about a particular style of parenting.

I totally accept that some people don't want to have children and wouldn't question their decision to do so. So why question the decision of those that do want a family of their own?
The general consensus of this thread is that we're all for the most part absolutely 'bonkers' about our children and couldn't imagine a life without them. We can't all be wrong now, can we? There's no right or wrong way to live your life where this matter's concerned. Most people chose to have children and have an absolute 'blast' in the process of raising them. Very few people here have said they regret parenthood.
If you don't want them, don't have them. That's cool. But don't pick those of us that do have children to pieces please. It was our decision and we're overjoyed we made it, thanks.

I can understand why some people choose not to have children and why they may not want them. I really don’t care if people decide not to have kids.

I do, however, get annoyed when people who don’t want kids try to shame people who do want kids with the nonsense environmental jargon. You won’t be complaining when my child is funding the working economy while you’re getting your arse wiped in a care home (Which will be payed for by my child’s taxes). Overpopulation is an issue, however the population is steadily declining in western countries to the point where governments will start to try and encourage more people to breed with family friendly policies. This can actually be witnessed in Japan.

It is offensive to call someone’s child a burden on the planet, kindly fuck off.

I don't really get the burden on the planet argument either. Unless the end goal is a planet earth with no humans at all? And what's really the point of that?

I do, however, get annoyed when people who don’t want kids try to shame people who do want kids with the nonsense environmental jargon. You won’t be complaining when my child is funding the working economy while you’re getting your arse wiped in a care home (Which will be payed for by my child’s taxes). Overpopulation is an issue, however the population is steadily declining in western countries to the point where governments will start to try and encourage more people to breed with family friendly policies. This can actually be witnessed in Japan.*

Yeah the environmental bollocks is also usually argued by those who state the benefits of no kids include regular long haul holidays, which is hardly eco friendly.

For me, having gone through 5 years of trying for a baby and going through the heartbreak of thinking we couldn’t have children, I can honestly say that we would have got on with our lives well enough if it hadn’t happened for us, but there would have been a void that no amount of moolah, material possessions or long-haul holidays would be able to fill. I appreciate that not everyone feels like this and even admit that I was never the most maternal of people when I was younger, but for me (especially at times like Christmas and the summer holidays) I felt a deep sense of sadness that we’d never have a family of our own. Without children, we would definitely have more disposable income and time to ourselves, but for me, after a while, the holidays and materialistic things isn’t really what’s important in life. It’s family.

People get very confused by having children in general and having their own.
I love my teens - not typical at all. I go to festivals and concerts with mine and did the same fun things with my parents. My lo is a dream to and makes me laugh most of the day with his smile.

People have their own children because they want a mini me and some people don't and just want themselves. Either isn't bad.

If we are to believe that all children are around in their parents older age to metaphorically ‘wipe their bums’ why are we facing a loneliness crisis in the U.K.? Geuininely interested to know if all these people, who are defined as lonely, are child free.

treaclesoda, of course overpopulation is a burden on the planet. Do you honestly think the population can keep growing year after year by such a massive rate and it have no effect?

As to the human race dying out well the way we have managed to fuck up this planet it would not be such a bad thing would it? Anyway with climate change etc its probably likely we will be wiped out.

Also sick of the "it might be my child who will wipe your bum when you are old" argument. Of all the people I know who died at a pretty old age none of them ended up in a nursing home. Most of them were still able to manage on their own at home and I am talking people in late 80's up to mid 90's.

As to the human race dying out well the way we have managed to fuck up this planet it would not be such a bad thing would it?

And who would be around to enjoy it?!

Stifle the urge: get a pet

When you think about it getting a pet isn't rational either.

treaclesoda, of course overpopulation is a burden on the planet. Do you honestly think the population can keep growing year after year by such a massive rate and it have no effect?

Yes, I know that overpopulation is a problem but what I meant was that unless the end goal is no humans at all, who gets to decide which humans are OK and which are a burden? The way to stop overpopulation is well known, and that is to give women freedom over their lives, to educate them and give them access to a life beyond child rearing, and to provide adequate healthcare for their children. After all, it's generally not women in the UK who are having twelve children in the hope that two or three survive.

I don't see why a human free earth is something to aspire to. Humans have as much of a right to exist as any other animal. That's not to say we have the right to mistreat the planet in the way we do though.

I've never wanted children. My friends who have them might have a wonderful experience of unconditional love but it doesn't bloody look like that - they never see their friends, settle for less on everything, miss out on everything and have no identity outside of being a parent.

I just strongly dislike children. Always have. I find nothing cute about babies and spending 5 minutes with one is tedious and exhausting at the same time (how is that possible?) Young children are stupid and irritating to me, and I feel if I had to be around them all the time I would go mad with the rotting of my brain.

Always wondered what the hell is wrong with me, as a woman, to so actively NOT want children. Hello hormones where are you? Can you kick in? Must be faulty genes.

Also I find the insinuation from parents that childless people are selfish utterly repulsive. I dedicate most of my spare time to helping the elderly (most of whom had children - who abandoned them as soon as they were no longer needed) and raising money for various causes. I am not selfish because I didn't sprog.

My dd was a lovely surprise for me I have pcos and fell pregnant at 37.

Yes it can be hard and frustrating and life would have been easier my career as a project manager came to an end as I was a single parent with no support other than me, myself and I.

But then again it is such a joy watching her grow up although I wish she was still a squishy baby I have to allow her to grow up. Now I wish I had more children.

@RandomObject You sound so bitter.. what's really the problem?

Good for you OP!

@random “sprog”????
Really?

I had 4 in 5 years - and have absolutely no regrets. I am a professional and both DH and I went part-time until they were all in school.
Best thing I have ever done and i found being at home much much easier than my other / day job!

'The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world!'

While I'm not saying everyone without children is selfish as I certainly don't believe that at all, I have come across some who just do not understand and cannot see further than their own situation.

DH fell out with some very old friends. They sent him a message complaining that he doesn't go drinking with them anymore, that he doesn't reply to their group chat (childish gossip usually) and that they barely see him and how could he treat them like that after years of closeness and how dare he not tell them straight away our twins were here.

We had just had extremely premature babies after a pregnancy from hell and didn't announce it straight away as one wasn't expected to make it.

He told them this and got back "yeah well Emma's nan died and she still made time for us so that's no excuse mate."

We don't speak to them anymore. Those are the kinds of child free people I think are selfish; people who have no empathy for others situations with their kids. Not perfectly nice people who choose not to have kids.

Anything challenging has its shit moments.

There are almost certainly moments in climbing Everest where you think it's not worth the strain and the frostbite and all the rest of it. Climbing Everest isn't for everyone, but that doesn't mean doing it wouldn't be pretty cool, despite all the tough moments!

Why are people with kids trying to justify having kids to people who don't want kids? If you don't want kids, that's fine. You do you. A parent is not intrinsically better or worth more to society than a person without kids.

Also, any parent who had children so they'd be looked after in their old age is seriously naive. This is not a reason or a justification. There's quite a number of elderly people out there with nobody, despite them having given birth to children. Doubt they expected that.