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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Party Siblings.... Is this rude?

132 replies

wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 18:42

Hi all, not sure if the right thread but here goes... I'm after some advice - do you think this sounds rude on an invitation?

Backstory first.... Organising an activity party for my 5yr old, I've also paid for party food after in the party room. It's a public session so there are spaces still available for the activity that members of the public could book - However I'm going to suggest to parents of the invited children that they are welcome to book online for parents or siblings to join in the same session if they wanted to (This would stop the amount of strangers that could possibly be there, I'm fearing feral kids taking over and intimidating the little ones)

BUT I have only catered for the party children due to costs. I've been to parties where I can see parents getting upset as siblings sit down, take over and assume they are being fed. There is a cafe right next to the party room so I presume parents would feed siblings in the cafe ? (I would if this was a party my child was invited to).

At the last party my son had we did have plenty of party food left so of course offered any siblings and parents to help themselves once the party children ate and I would do the same again. I just fear siblings taking over :-(

So wording is;

If any parents or siblings would like to join in the activity there are spaces available in the same session. You're more than welcome to book online for the session. Please note party food will only be available for the party children however there is a cafe on site.

^ Is this rude? Is there a nicer way to say it? Do I just forget the whole siblings can come idea?

OP posts:

Helplessfeeling · 10/01/2019 18:47

It don't think it is rude but I think you need to be clear that you are not inviting them to bring the siblings at your expense. There is always one who will misconstrue the wording as you offering to pay!

Original poster

wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 18:49

Thanks for your reply, I didn't think of that. I thought with me saying "you can book online" made it clear that they were paying to join the session. These things are so awkward.

OP posts:

PotteryLady · 10/01/2019 18:49

Agree with Helpless

Original poster

wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 18:51

Should I change it to "You're more than welcome to book and pay online for the sessions", seems rude but more obvious that it's their own expense.

OP posts:

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 10/01/2019 18:51

How are parents going to take the older siblings to the cafe while also supervising the 5 year olds? I don't think it's rude, but just doesn't seem workable to me.

TeenTimesTwo · 10/01/2019 18:53

Change 'book online' to 'book and pay online' or 'book online and pay on the day' whichever is correct. You need to be as clear as crystal on these things.

BaconMaker · 10/01/2019 18:53

I don't think it's rude. In my kids school the general consensus is that siblings can come by default to church hall type parties (it's a wealthy enough area that no one has an issue providing a few extra sandwiches and bags of crisps) but if it's a pay per child deal then if the parent wants to bring a sibling they at least offer to pay (party hosts sometimes declines offer but that's up to them). I've also been to parties with limited numbers so siblings couldn't come at all.

As long as you're clear I don't think it's an issue at all.

Original poster

wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 18:53

Me and my partner would supervise the party siblings and be in the party room the whole time as well as a member of staff. The door to the party room will be open and faces right to the cafe. I usually stand at the side/door area watching my little one and the only parents fussing around the table are the birthday child's parents.

OP posts:

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 10/01/2019 18:54

I'd add the price of the session next to that statenent jsut to make. It clear you aren't paying.

RedHelenB · 10/01/2019 18:59

I think you are being a hit cheeky wanting parents to pay for siblings so there are less 'feral' children there. I personalky Woukd not mention siblings at all.

Original poster

wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 19:03

@RedhelenB - I know the siblings could be just as feral and intimidating as any strangers that might be there in the same session, however I 'presume' as the parents are part of the party and we know them all that I'd have some authority to calm things down or ask them to wait their turn & stop pushing in etc or the parents would actually stop them doing so because they are at a party. whereas I can't really do that with members of the public and they won't care there is a party at the same time.

OP posts:

IamPickleRick · 10/01/2019 19:04

Oh no, we had this with our last party. It was £16 per child, confirmed 2 weeks in advance, and one dad just decided on the day that he wanted his other 2 kids to go in. Fine we said, it’s £32 and you can pay over there - all in a nice friendly tone.

Except he didn’t want to pay and made a HUGE fuss about it, and then about everything, the location, the food, everything.

Don’t be me OP. Be explicitly clear!!!

Original poster

wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 19:07

@Iampicklerick - Oh No that sounds horrendous!!!! Why do people assume you would pay for siblings and expect them to then also be fed etc. It makes me want to forget parties.

Last year I had a dad ask if he could bring his daughter too, I text him back in the nicest way to say he could pay to add her on but I've already got the max number in the session but there are sessions all day so he could stay after the party for her. He didn't bring her. It took me ages to write the message without sounding rude.

OP posts:

Original poster

wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 19:09

@thesnobbymiddleclassone I could add (Prices below) after that sentence because there are differing prices depending on ages and it will just become an essay. I bet most wont even read it anyway. Eek

OP posts:

Cheeeeislifenow · 10/01/2019 19:18

Just this week,. My ds9 has told me of a sibling that the other kids in his class have named. "party crasher". Because his mum brings him to every party even pay per child.
So bloody cheeky, I would make it clear on your invite by stating "book and pay online".

Godowneasy · 10/01/2019 19:19

Why don't you put the names of the children actually invited to the party on the door, so they won't even get in unless they pay for extra siblings?

Original poster

wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 19:19

TeenTimesTwo & Cheeeeislifenow - Book and pay online sounds great, is it overkill to put the prices as well.... (Invites are already done and printed by the way this will be on a printed slip attached)

OP posts:

Original poster

wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 19:21

Godowneasy - It makes me feel uneasy being like a bouncer with names on the door haha and if one attempts to come in what do I say... I panic over all these little things that people probably don't give a second thought to.

OP posts:

potatoscone · 10/01/2019 19:22

I wouldn't mention siblings. You are inviting your DC's friends. What the parent does with the sibling isn't anything to do with you.

bellie710 · 10/01/2019 19:23

How random, I would never expect that any of my other children were invited to a party unless their name was specifically on the invite. I also wouldn't take my other children to the party and make the party organiser feel awkward about extra children being there, why would anyone think that was acceptable??

I wouldn't put anything on the invite just invite the children you have catered for.

Original poster

wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 19:23

@potatoscone - It is to do with me if they bring them anyway, expect them to be involved in the session and then expect party food too.

OP posts:

Crunchymum · 10/01/2019 19:23

If you don't want feral kids there, book exclusive use of the softplay (or whatever it is)

It's a bit of cheek to want parents to bring and pay for their other kids to fill up the venue

TeenTimesTwo · 10/01/2019 19:23

I don't think you need to put the prices if they are complicated.

potatoscone · 10/01/2019 19:23

I mean there will always be the CF that thinks they can throw in a sibling for free, but the majority of people will just work out what to do with the siblings themselves.

Original poster

wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 19:24

bellie710 - I agree with you and thought everyone had the same view but sadly not.

OP posts:

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