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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party Siblings.... Is this rude?

132 replies

wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 18:42

Hi all, not sure if the right thread but here goes... I'm after some advice - do you think this sounds rude on an invitation?

Backstory first.... Organising an activity party for my 5yr old, I've also paid for party food after in the party room. It's a public session so there are spaces still available for the activity that members of the public could book - However I'm going to suggest to parents of the invited children that they are welcome to book online for parents or siblings to join in the same session if they wanted to (This would stop the amount of strangers that could possibly be there, I'm fearing feral kids taking over and intimidating the little ones)

BUT I have only catered for the party children due to costs. I've been to parties where I can see parents getting upset as siblings sit down, take over and assume they are being fed. There is a cafe right next to the party room so I presume parents would feed siblings in the cafe ? (I would if this was a party my child was invited to).

At the last party my son had we did have plenty of party food left so of course offered any siblings and parents to help themselves once the party children ate and I would do the same again. I just fear siblings taking over :-(

So wording is;

If any parents or siblings would like to join in the activity there are spaces available in the same session. You're more than welcome to book online for the session. Please note party food will only be available for the party children however there is a cafe on site.

^ Is this rude? Is there a nicer way to say it? Do I just forget the whole siblings can come idea?

OP posts:
Original poster
wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 19:45

Ok.... mind made up for now (I think!) Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply, I really really appreciate it & will update you all after the party as to what actually happens!!

I'm going to leave the wording off, only use the wording if I'm asked about siblings with the RSVP text. I will accept the other spaces may be members of the public as we can't fill them all up with siblings and then grumble when they want to be fed. I'm also going to ask the reception staff to advise that if anyone turns up with a sibling they can join in but have to pay (Which hopefully seems obvious) and that "unfortunately the party food is just for party children" It's not me having to worry about saying it then.

Phew think I'm sorted!

OP posts:
Tistheseason17 · 10/01/2019 19:46

Def mention in advance - I have had several parties where older age inappropriate children have been landed on me.

The only likely people to be offended are those who would be CFs.

Dextrodependant · 10/01/2019 19:46

I do think you are being a little cheeky saying you want people to bring siblings to benefit you but at their own expense.

If it is a local activity I would just not mention siblings, people will probably be familiar enough with the venue to know they can book their own session.

Original poster
wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 19:48

that didn't read right... I meant.................

I will accept the other spaces may be members of the public. We can't fill all the spaces up with siblings and then be annoyed and grumble when the siblings want to be fed.

OP posts:
Wherehaveiputmywine · 10/01/2019 19:48

I think #nataliaosipova wording is perfect:

TheTroublesomestTribble · 10/01/2019 19:49

Just outsource the problem - put a list of names at reception, the staff can explain to any uninvited siblings that they can join the session and pay whatever the cost is.

It will be a lot less awkward for a stranger (the reception staff) to call them out on their CFery than for you to do it yourself.

You are paying for the venue, get your money's worth from it and let them deal with this issue.

TheTroublesomestTribble · 10/01/2019 19:50

YABU to want siblings to take the additional places though. I'd just drop that idea as being unworkable.

TheTroublesomestTribble · 10/01/2019 19:51

Ah, x post OP...think you've made the right decision.

Original poster
wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 19:53

TheTroublesomestTribble - Loving the outsourcing idea! If they do their jobs properly.

OP posts:
StrippingTheVelvet · 10/01/2019 19:53

Reception staff aren't going to tell parents the sibling isn't allowed party food.

FlipF · 10/01/2019 19:59

There is a reception area before you get through to the venue, Is it rude for them to say "Siblings need to be paid for if you want them to join in, and the party room is only for the party children"

That's not at all rude.

You could have name badges for the party guests so that it's easy to monitor who is who.

Cheeeeislifenow · 10/01/2019 20:06

@tedandlola

It's hardly a mean and nasty name it's a fact, he crashes all the parties! They call it to him to his face and not behind his back,he laughs along with them!

Givinguponyou · 10/01/2019 20:07

I totally understand your predicament but think you are right to say nothing unless asked when you get RSVP. Whenever one of my children was invited to a party at venue such as this I would either drop off and pick up or if I had the other children with me I would attend reception and say A is here for party. And I need to to pay for sessions for B and C. I sat at table sometimes near to party sometimes not and bought food for other kids not invited to party. Often food would be offered to uninvited child and sometimes a party bag if going spare but certainly never expected.

CallMeRachel · 10/01/2019 20:15

I think these places who you pay to host parties should be responsible for ensuring only the named guests are granted entry and seated at the table.

Why don't you just give the venue a list of names and ask that they take a register as you will not be paying if they let extras in?

Personally, I would write the invites along the lines of 'Party is pay per child - this invite is only for Max. Please contact the venue to arrange siblings'

It's direct and to the point. It's needed. Grin

BlimeyCalmDown · 10/01/2019 20:24

I don't think it's ever okay to take siblings to parties unless specifically requested and granted from the person throwing the party, so bloody rude. It's not even just the money but the birthday boy/girl should be able to choose who attends their party even if it is in a church hall.

Thetigerwhocameto · 10/01/2019 20:26

I’d probably go for a bit of a half way house. Something along the lines of please contact the venue to book and pay for siblings, but let us know and we will make sure there’s food for them. Seems a bit rude to totally exclude them from the party if they’ve done the activity. A few more sausage rolls won’t put you out too much?

Original poster
wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 20:27

Givinguponyou - I do the same. Last year we had some extra party favours and I gave some out to siblings. It's just I would assume all parents would allow party people to go first with food and favours and not "expect" siblings to get anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 20:28

Thetigerwhocameto - I can't arrange food for them, thats the whole point, we are pushing the budget for the people we already have as it is. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 20:29

FlipF - Name badges is a great idea, it's a visual signal for the parents and siblings too that siblings aren't "party" guests and visual for the staff on entrance to the party room. Fab idea!

OP posts:
Deadbudgie · 10/01/2019 20:34

Why do people bring siblings to parties? It’s really bizarre behaviour

rosablue · 10/01/2019 20:44

I would also get the reception to get a contact number for all attendees - regardless of whether or not you already have it and whether or not they are staying (sometimes these places can be a pain to find the afults, especially if they’re sitting having a drink in a quiet corner!). It also stops people trying to do the drop and run, gives them a chance to double check people have the correct pick up time (no excuse for the CF that try to turn up an hour or two late claiming that’s when they thought the time was, while you are left with fractious kids and missing out on other plans). And most importantly it’s an extra step to intercept any CF that are trying to drop a sibling and run without mentioning it.

With regards to party bags, we found that labelling each bag with the recipient’s name was a great way to stop siblings trying to take a party bag too (or worse as I had once, a parent try to swipe an extra couple of party bags for the siblings that weren’t there ‘because they love them so much and wouldn’t understand why they didn’t have them too’ - HmmShock not surprised if he always tried to swipe from whatever party he took his dc to!). Was a handy way of saying goodbye to people, controlling who got what (good if you had any dc that need veggie/halal/but free/etc food if you add sweets to the bag or have girl or boy options etc) and making sure that you didn’t have to give any out to siblings as you’re able to say sorry, look we just have one for each child invited) but here, have a piece of cake/teeny pack of haribos/balloon/tiny token thing so that you look nice for giving out something and they art a little something to walk away with. I used to have a bag of mixed fun sized bars that the dc liked with me so that I could offer to siblings that came to pick up or where I knew the sibling to send it home for them, but that would get eaten up by —me— the dc if they didn’t all get handed out.

AdoreTheBeach · 10/01/2019 20:50

In case I’m not too late, I’d suggest not including the words “join” and “more than welcome”. Those are words of an invitation and you’re not inviting them to the party. Rather, you may wish to let them know that the party is not exclusive use of the play facility (whatever is the correct word) and for those with additional children not attending the party may wish to book their own tickets online. Additionally that there’s a cafe on site too.

Perhaps maybe say something along the lines of the cafe having great coffee at i my 99p or kids meals at 3.98 (whatever) - just to be clear therefore that they’re to look towards the cafe for their own refreshments too.

Original poster
wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 21:05

rosablue - contact names are great but I'm pretty sure they will all be staying to look after the kids, but it does give them extra time to take details and make it clear about the invited children only bit.

As for party bags, I've spent the last few years making amazing party bags, all themed and spent a lot of money. No one ever texts to say great party bags and no one else seems to take that much care and effort. (I do personalised items and really go OTT, not sure why!) but the venue do sweet cones so I've ordered the right amount of them for each child. I've seen that done a lot of times. My son can give them out to his friends at the end to avoid people grabbing from a table area. There is only enough for the party people. It takes the stress away from me of organising lovely party bags because I have to have them all themed, matching and packed with goodies - I'm too extra!

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 10/01/2019 21:15

Name badges-inspired! The perfect way to screen out cfs!

3boysandabump · 10/01/2019 21:32

Is it a trampoline place?

If it is I can see how it could get confusing because everyone will go through the safety briefing as a group and then they'll be playing together then all of a sudden just some kids get fed.

The only thing you can really do is mention on the invite that food will not be included on the day for siblings and then play bouncer.

There's always a cf at every kids party who brings all their kids and tries to get them all fed as well.