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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Party Siblings.... Is this rude?

132 replies

wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 18:42

Hi all, not sure if the right thread but here goes... I'm after some advice - do you think this sounds rude on an invitation?

Backstory first.... Organising an activity party for my 5yr old, I've also paid for party food after in the party room. It's a public session so there are spaces still available for the activity that members of the public could book - However I'm going to suggest to parents of the invited children that they are welcome to book online for parents or siblings to join in the same session if they wanted to (This would stop the amount of strangers that could possibly be there, I'm fearing feral kids taking over and intimidating the little ones)

BUT I have only catered for the party children due to costs. I've been to parties where I can see parents getting upset as siblings sit down, take over and assume they are being fed. There is a cafe right next to the party room so I presume parents would feed siblings in the cafe ? (I would if this was a party my child was invited to).

At the last party my son had we did have plenty of party food left so of course offered any siblings and parents to help themselves once the party children ate and I would do the same again. I just fear siblings taking over :-(

So wording is;

If any parents or siblings would like to join in the activity there are spaces available in the same session. You're more than welcome to book online for the session. Please note party food will only be available for the party children however there is a cafe on site.

^ Is this rude? Is there a nicer way to say it? Do I just forget the whole siblings can come idea?

OP posts:

QwertyLou · 11/01/2019 11:04

I think the sibling thing varies between different areas - siblings are expected where I am.

My son’s friends mostly had a younger sibling each (he was turning 4) so I expected a bunch of babies / junior toddlers at his party and had an area with activities for them.

OP sorry I’m a bit late - my son went to a party last weekend at a local swimming pool. The party mom (who is on a modest income) didn’t pay for anyone’s entrance (not the guests, not the siblings). Nobody minded one bit - we all paid our own way. She made us aware when giving us the invite - no surprises, no awkwardness.

Good luck and let us know how you go.. this would stress me out too - you are not alone

LaurieMarlow · 11/01/2019 11:08

I wouldn't mention siblings. You are inviting your DC's friends. What the parent does with the sibling isn't anything to do with you.

This is sensible. Don't complicate matters by mentioning the s word. You're just opening yourself up to confusion and potentially cheeky fuckery.

Thurmanmurman · 11/01/2019 11:11

I wouldn’t mention siblings. If one of my DC is invited to an activity party and I don’t have childcare for the other I would just ask if I can bring the sibling and pay for their entry and food. I would never expect them to pay/provide food for the sibling not invited. If you mention this on the invite there’s always one who will misunderstand!

QwertyLou · 11/01/2019 11:13

@ThisMustBeMyDream well both your kids would be welcome at my son’s party and I’m pretty sure any other party here

I’ve only got one child but many of my friends have 2 or 3.. I don’t expect them to faff around with babysitters just to ensure that the one official “guest” can attend in glorious isolation.

Besides which, my son likes the siblings and is happy they are there to celebrate his special day.

Of course they would pay for siblings if that were a factor.

LaurieMarlow · 11/01/2019 11:15

If you mention this on the invite there’s always one who will misunderstand!

Exactly

LaurieMarlow · 11/01/2019 11:16

If parents really need to take siblings, then they can let you know and you can discuss logistics then.

Drum2018 · 11/01/2019 11:16

What do you mean by not having childcare - would you actually expect that the party host mind your other child at the party too? I think that is very cheeky regardless of whether or not you pay. A child's party is for the child's friends to come along and celebrate with him/her - it's not a means of childcare.

CrookedMe · 11/01/2019 11:22

I don't really know why you need to mention it at all. You seem to be expecting large numbers of siblings to turn up uninvited, is that a thing in your area? I've never ever seen it happen here.

You're muddying the waters by saying too much about it. The fact that only one kids name is on the invitation is surely a bit of a clue!

Your 'feral' children comment is a bit shitty BTW.

Thurmanmurman · 11/01/2019 11:23

Drum. I meant if I had nobody to look after the uninvited child! I can’t attend a party with one DC and leave the other alone so if the invited one goes and I’m there to supervise them at the party, I’d pay for the other one and we’d all be there, me looking after both DC at the party.

CrookedMe · 11/01/2019 11:32

I wouldn't even consider staying at a party with a five year old in the first place! I mean, they go to school all day without me...

Thurmanmurman · 11/01/2019 11:33

Should have added if the host parent is happy for me to drop off invited child and leave then I’d do that instead of taking sibling. Some will probably think that’s cheeky to so can’t win really. I bloody hate kids parties.

Thurmanmurman · 11/01/2019 11:34

*too

Pinkyyy · 11/01/2019 11:35

I'm fearing feral kids taking over and intimidating the little ones

YABU to make that statement.

pfwow · 11/01/2019 11:50

This is the weirdest thread. I do not live in the UK, but I did grow up there, but this idea that the party organiser doesn't look after the kids at that the parents stay is really odd to me. I wonder if this is a UK specific thing? I never stayed for a party beyond my kids being about 3. There are generally about six or seven of them at somebody's house, although sometimes up to ten, and the occasional soft play thing, but only about 8 kids then.

So the idea in the UK is, then, if I have understood it correctly, loads of kids, at a place and all the parents stay for the duration of the party so that they are responsible for their children, so if they have brothers and sisters either the other parent is with them or else they have to tag along? I find this genuinely bizarre. It would never even occur to me to organise a party where I couldn't supervise all the kids. Why don't you all just have smaller parties?

pfwow · 11/01/2019 11:51

and that not at that

Kaykay06 · 11/01/2019 12:03

I usually have to bring my older son to parties due to my younger child not quite being ready to stay himself due to various issues but did stay with both until 5/6 depending what the party is and how well I know the parents.

I always check that it’s ok to bring ds3 with me and I pay for play/food for him. I’d never just turn up without prior warning. If he can go to play with a friend whilst the party is on then I’ll do that as my youngest 2 are close in age and have siblings in each other’s classes so if I stay I can watch out for them if they have my older son.

There’s no way I’d have left them at 3 or 5 with people they don’t know in charge of a large group of kids they don’t know very well yet. Don’t overthink it op hopefully parents with older/young kids will contact you in advance to ask about them staying (obs with parent paying/feeding).

CrookedMe · 11/01/2019 12:10

pfwow not in my experience, no.

I've not stayed (or been asked to) since the kid were 3-4.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 11/01/2019 12:15

@pfwow I've left my daughter at people houses for a party, but most of the time, they're not at people's houses or a hall anymore. Most parties around here are at places such as soft play, leisure centre and recently, arts and crafts places.

We've had some where the party child's parents have asked us to stay (as they don't know the children well enough yet) but the local pottery place asks parents to stay (rather than the host).

If we had more parties at people's houses or the local village hall, I'd leave, but it just seems like not many people do that anymore.

IamPickleRick · 11/01/2019 12:23

pfwow totally depends on the circumstances for me as to whether I leave them or not. The party activity usually makes the difference.

House party - leave
Pamper/pottery - leave
Soft play - I used to stay as these were generally when the children were about 3/4 anyway or the first reception year where they didn’t know the party child’s parent very well
Quasar/Trampolining/gokarting/nerf party/golfing/swimming etc - stay as there is an element of child potentially getting hurt or scared
Hall party - stay and help the party mum if I know her or leave if it’s close to my house or shopping and I can realistically get something done in the time it takes to get there and back.

Drum2018 · 11/01/2019 12:33

Thurmanmurman I get you now - I'd be inclined to drop and run... very fast

TheTroublesomestTribble · 11/01/2019 12:52

I usually have to bring my older son to parties

That's the thing though, you always have the choice not to. If you're really, really stuck, you could pay for childcare (sitters.co.uk is very good).

People just don't want to pay/leave their child with a fully referenced and DBS checked 'stranger'/insert other flimsy reason here.

Most of us suck it up though, which is why CFery of this kind irks so much.

HauntedPencil · 11/01/2019 13:46

I wouldn't even mention anything to be honest. If a party is in a public place rather than a private hall and I needed to take a sibling I'd assume I'd be paying myself and getting their own food myself and I'd also ask the mum.

If it's in a hall or house I wouldn't take them.

I wouldn't honestly get a sitter for a party in a venue that was open to the general public, what's the difference of me paying my child in when there are loads of other paying kids there too?

I wouldn't actively encourage people to bring siblings unless I was willing to pay. I'd assume that if people were stuck for childcare they'd speak to me.

Also, you either have to pay the extra for private hire or suck up the fact it's not just going to be just the party. I think encouraging/asking people to pay for siblings to avoid the other members of the general public is a bit odd.

HauntedPencil · 11/01/2019 13:49

And no of course people aren't taking siblings expecting the other mum to look after them. I take them and have a coffee and mind them myself. I wouldn't do this at all with a "drop & run" but around here these start at around Yr 2.

Whatthefunk · 11/01/2019 14:07

I wouldn't mention siblings at all. If my Dd was invited to a party, I wouldn't assume his siblings were welcome. If you don't mention them, there's no confusion

nokidshere · 11/01/2019 14:14

Way over complicated!

I wouldn't say anything at all but if you are going to just say:

Whilst I don't have any free spaces at the party I understand the venue has a few spaces left that you can book online if you like.

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