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AIBU?

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Original poster

Party Siblings.... Is this rude?

132 replies

wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 18:42

Hi all, not sure if the right thread but here goes... I'm after some advice - do you think this sounds rude on an invitation?

Backstory first.... Organising an activity party for my 5yr old, I've also paid for party food after in the party room. It's a public session so there are spaces still available for the activity that members of the public could book - However I'm going to suggest to parents of the invited children that they are welcome to book online for parents or siblings to join in the same session if they wanted to (This would stop the amount of strangers that could possibly be there, I'm fearing feral kids taking over and intimidating the little ones)

BUT I have only catered for the party children due to costs. I've been to parties where I can see parents getting upset as siblings sit down, take over and assume they are being fed. There is a cafe right next to the party room so I presume parents would feed siblings in the cafe ? (I would if this was a party my child was invited to).

At the last party my son had we did have plenty of party food left so of course offered any siblings and parents to help themselves once the party children ate and I would do the same again. I just fear siblings taking over :-(

So wording is;

If any parents or siblings would like to join in the activity there are spaces available in the same session. You're more than welcome to book online for the session. Please note party food will only be available for the party children however there is a cafe on site.

^ Is this rude? Is there a nicer way to say it? Do I just forget the whole siblings can come idea?

OP posts:
potatoscone · 10/01/2019 19:25

Sorry OP cross posted. I think you can anticipate what to do IF a CF tries it, but for the majority of normal people who wouldn't dream of it, it reads like massive overthinking in an invitation. I wouldn't write anything.

TedAndLola · 10/01/2019 19:25

Just this week,. My ds9 has told me of a sibling that the other kids in his class have named. "party crasher". Because his mum brings him to every party even pay per child.

I hope you told your son that was nasty and they need to stop calling this child names because of something his mother does.

potatoscone · 10/01/2019 19:26

Meant to add.... the CF parent will ignore it anyway!

Original poster
wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 19:26

Crunchymum - I can't afford the exclusivity of the place. Sad But there are 14 spaces left and I thought seeing as some parents bring siblings anyway and will be there anyway then if they wanted to they could do the activity too (at their own expense) Win win, they get to take part and do something with the sibling and I get more spaces booked up so it's less strangers.

(Adults can take part too so would be great fun if parents wanted to join too, my sis in law will book a space and my 22 year old cousin!)

OP posts:
drinkygin · 10/01/2019 19:27

Honestly I wouldn’t mention siblings. I had siblings growing up and hated them encroaching on time with my friends...we spent a lot of time together, being invited to parties with my friends was special. Also I think it’s a bit mean to say to siblings (who will feel like they’re at a party, regardless of who has paid), that they can’t come into the party room for food and cake. Offering leftovers is a bit insulting.
Bad idea all round, just stick to the invitees and let parents worry about siblings!

Original poster
wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 19:28

potatoscone - I am a huge over thinker. I worry so much. If I leave this off and don't say anything I worry the parents think I have booked an exclusive party so siblings can come and join in and have a feast!

OP posts:
YK84 · 10/01/2019 19:28

Don’t mention siblings, not your concern

Original poster
wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 19:30

YK84 - It is my concern when they are brought along and expect to join in the session and eat the food....

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 10/01/2019 19:30

I wouldn't suggest bringing siblings at all, nor would I suggest other parents stay. If any turn up with siblings and have the cheek to ask can they stay, simply say you have already paid for x amount of party children and it doesn't suit. You are overthinking it at this stage but just keep it simple. Yourself and Dh just have to make sure to say No to other kids joining the party room if they happen to hang around.

TeenTimesTwo · 10/01/2019 19:30

I disagree with drinky It was quite standard when my DDs were younger for people to e.g. pay for siblings at soft play while there was a party going on, and then not go into the party room.

I guess it depends on the activity. I'm guessing trampolines.

FlipF · 10/01/2019 19:31

Your wording sounds fine to me. I don’t think it’s rude at all.

Might the venue provide help with checking the party guests in. It might be easier for them to police it than you.

Original poster
wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 19:31

I'm now leaning towards leaving the whole thing off and when people RSVP to me I presume they may say (seeing as they know the type of activity) "is it possible for X to come along" at which point I can then say there are still spaces, you're more than welcome to book and pay online but please note party food is for party children only but there is a cafe... surely thats the best way to do it? it is isn't it.... please.... help....

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 10/01/2019 19:32

I don't think it's not that nice to encourage siblings to attend the activity (at their parents' expense) and also not feed them but I understand your thinking. if you do I think you need to be explicit about the food bit too. With that sort of age range, parents will need to prep their non-guest kids that they won't be joining the party and I don't think it is a given for many parents as (as you had last year) there's generally so much food that siblings are often included.

NataliaOsipova · 10/01/2019 19:32

How about this:

“Due to the party format, I’m afraid we can’t extend the invitation to siblings; however, I understand that it is possible to bring non party children to the venue at the same time for the general play session - please contact the venue for details if that’s of interest.”

Linguaphile · 10/01/2019 19:32

I think your wording is good as-is. If you're unsure about whether it's clear, you could say 'book and pay online' instead of just 'book'. As a mother of twins who are in separate classes at school, we deal quite a lot with this and I would never ever assume that the other twin was invited, much less going to be paid for, unless their name was on the invitation. There has only been one time where they were both invited to the party of one twin's classmate, and in that instance the parent called me personally to make sure I knew that both twins were invited. Almost every birthday party here involves advance bookings with a specific headcount for catering and activities (the aforementioned party involved a cooking workshop, so they needed an exact headcount for ingredients, etc), so I think anyone reading your invite will understand that you have booked and paid for a specific number of kids and cannot accommodate extras who are not paying their own way.

scrivette · 10/01/2019 19:33

I would leave siblings off completely.

It might be worth checking with the Venue as the soft play type parties I have been to have always checked the children in. Then if there are siblings they point to where they can pay!

BoomBoomsCousin · 10/01/2019 19:33

I prefer that approach OP - not mentioning on the invite and explaining fully if asked.

Original poster
wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 19:34

FlipF - There is a reception area before you get through to the venue, Is it rude for them to say "Siblings need to be paid for if you want them to join in, and the party room is only for the party children" Do I care that it's being said to them by a stranger and not me.... Do I trust that they will actually say this to each person that brings a sibling?

TeenTimesTwo - Climbing. Which would be so much fun if parents joined in too.

OP posts:
HundoP · 10/01/2019 19:35

Well, my Ma dumped me at every party to which my older sibling was invited - and then fuck off!

She was/is CF so... I think you’re wise to lay down clear boundaries tbh.

Drum2018 · 10/01/2019 19:36

'Is it possible for x to come along?'

  • Unfortunately that wouldn't suit as we are keeping it to class mates

Don't engage in discussion about other kids coming at all. Chances are no matter how you word it about paying, that parent will piss off home or shopping for the 2 hours, may pay for the activity, but you will be left supervising and feeding the extra child. Just say no.

Original poster
wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 19:37

HundoP - Love your honesty!!! Haha I don't mind if they all left and came back to pick up but I don't think they will as they will want pics and to make sure they are safe for the activity etc which is fine by me.

I'm struggling between being crystal clear with an essay that might not be needed or just explaining via text if they ask about siblings?

OP posts:
FreshlyWashed · 10/01/2019 19:39

I think the wording (with the amendments suggested) is fine.

Let us know how the party goes.

(we do all love an update!)

Original poster
wLuytgNx · 10/01/2019 19:39

Drum2018 - If parents weren't there it would be easier for me to say to any siblings "hang on, let my DS sit where he wants with his friends" then I'd sit them towards the end of the table and serve everyone else first (if it came to it!)

OP posts:
TheBananaStand2 · 10/01/2019 19:39

I think there’s no need to mention siblings, and just deal with the rsvps on a case by case basis, as you suggest. I can’t believe people just show up with siblings! How rude! If they do, that’s their problem for being rude cfs and not your issue to have to deal with.

FreshlyWashed · 10/01/2019 19:44

sorry x-posted with a load of you.

I like NataliaOsipova's suggestion best:

Due to the party format, I’m afraid we can’t extend the invitation to siblings; however, I understand that it is possible to bring non party children to the venue at the same time for the general play session - please contact the venue for details if that’s of interest

Perfect. Clear and well mannered!

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