Party Siblings.... Is this rude?

[wLuytgNx]

Hi all, not sure if the right thread but here goes... I'm after some advice - do you think this sounds rude on an invitation?

Backstory first.... Organising an activity party for my 5yr old, I've also paid for party food after in the party room. It's a public session so there are spaces still available for the activity that members of the public could book - However I'm going to suggest to parents of the invited children that they are welcome to book online for parents or siblings to join in the same session if they wanted to (This would stop the amount of strangers that could possibly be there, I'm fearing feral kids taking over and intimidating the little ones)

BUT I have only catered for the party children due to costs. I've been to parties where I can see parents getting upset as siblings sit down, take over and assume they are being fed. There is a cafe right next to the party room so I presume parents would feed siblings in the cafe ? (I would if this was a party my child was invited to).

At the last party my son had we did have plenty of party food left so of course offered any siblings and parents to help themselves once the party children ate and I would do the same again. I just fear siblings taking over :-(

So wording is;

If any parents or siblings would like to join in the activity there are spaces available in the same session. You're more than welcome to book online for the session. Please note party food will only be available for the party children however there is a cafe on site.

^ Is this rude? Is there a nicer way to say it? Do I just forget the whole siblings can come idea?

I'm thinking trampolining too! In fact, the reference to sweet cones makes me think it's my local place!

You have to mention siblings otherwise someone will assume. I had someone turn up to my 3 year olds birthday with a much older sibling and I was expected to feed her and provide a party bag. Dad was a cheeky fucker. I've made it clear on this year's invites that siblings are not being accommodated.

@Deadbudgie
"Why do people bring siblings to parties? It’s really bizarre behaviour"

Because I'm a single parent and dont want social services at my door for leaving a 3 or 6 year old unattended?! Either we all go, or no one goes. All the parties I've attended, siblings if there have been paid in by their parents. Never had a CF experience yet!

Because I'm a single parent

Why is that fair to the birthday child who ends up with loads of kids they don't even know at their birthday party?

It's not a charity. It's a child's special day.

I think it's rude. My friend at the time had a 1 yo baby who she brought to my sons 6th birthday party a soft play restaurant. It was pay per head and she asked can sibling go in too (he was already there) and I said no.

I was really shocked at the time that she's even think it would be okay. Why would 6year olds want other peoples babies in the party and photos and sticking their snotty hands in amongst the food?

Well, hope your kid has no one turn up at their party!
Unless you exclusively hire a venue, then you're gonna get joe publics snotty handed kids all round yours (shock horror).
That is why you pay your other child or children in. Because it isnt exclusive hire in most places!
As I don't live in petty snobsville, all the parents who's parties we have attended (including my own child's parties) have been in public venues where siblings are no issue as the parents pay for them. If you ever got a CF, you'd just tell them to pay.

Be careful saying they can bring siblings and pay for them to attend etc.

If I’m correct you said there’s about 14 public spaces left. Imagine you have 6 parents arrive with 8 siblings to do the activity, then find 11 spaces already booked by the public.

I’m a single parent too but do not see it as an excuse to expect someone else to pay for my uninvited younger children to attend their party. If I cannot find care, I would explain to the host that I have to bring them, but they are paid for by me. No party food expected and certainly not a Lolly bag.

It’s not hard to teach your children that they are not included in any party that their sibling may be invited to.

I would feel, rightly so, extremely rude to expect another family who has invited my child to a party, to also pay the cost of my younger children.

I don’t think it’s rude to ask them to pay for the activity but I think you should provide party food for everyone.

Well, hope your kid has no one turn up at their party!

Well that's mean

In a venue party the food is usually part of the package isn't it? So she couldn't provide extra food for siblings without paying for their activity too?

If you suggest siblings it then seems rude to exclude them. Personally I would suggest not mentioning siblings at all, opens a can of worms

My DS (3) went to a birthday party last weekend (4th Birthday party) and the invite said that one adult and one child had been paid for. Others were welcome but please arrange this directly with the venue in arrival. I only have one child but some took siblings and paid for them. It was a soft play centre. My son is having a village hall party at the end if Jan and my NCT friend asked if she could bring her younger son along as she had no one else to have him
I agreed but he won't get a party bag and I'm not catering for him. I expect there will be more than enough food any way. YANBU!

My son had a party for his reception class. I didn't hear anything from a few people but I catered for them and did a party bag just in case, so glad I did because so many siblings rocked up and tucked into food and asked for party bags! So rude but some parents didn't seem to think so. I'd just not mention siblings but say to venue you are only paying for the invited children

@loubluee that's not really the OPs problem though. She has stated sessions are available to book and if they don't book and it's full, then that's the parents problem not hers.

It gets to a point with parties where the parents need to engage their brains and think about their children logistically. As PP said, as a single parent, they either all have to go or no one does. If the sessions are filled, then that parent will have to find an alternative entertainment for the party duration.

The party host is their to host the guests, not every tom, dick and harry who's also there

Thesnobbymiddleclassone I completely agree it’s not her problem. The reason I say ‘say nothing’, ds18’s friend had a party when they were about 6, end of infants. Anyway mum said similar ‘activity and food only for those children invited, however the activity can be purchased along with food etc’. When parents arrived with siblings, public had booked the free spaces, so none was available for all the siblings, and the mum was given hell by parents for ‘letting their Children down’ etc. It split the class up. Those of us who said mum was in the right and the other half who felt she was in the wrong. It got really petty children asking if a child could go home for tea, and being told no because they are friends with ‘them’ as in us who agreed mum was in the right, parents ignoring each other, and so on. It was pathetic!

The one thing every did agree one was ‘she shouldn’t have said anything at all’ then people wouldn’t have assumed they could pay for the siblings etc.

At the end of the day she has sent an invitation to X child. Not X plus siblings. If siblings turn up, parents need to be pointed in the direction of reception to see if places are available, and it should be pointed out where food can be bought if they want the siblings to eat.

Or she sends clear instructions, they won’t be catered for, places may be available, parents need to check and book in advance, and so on. And then it turns into an A4 sheet.

Seriously though when did this become a thing? I’ve never known a friend go to a party of a siblings when we were kids. Only the person invited went. It’s so unbealivably cheeky! Thankfully I never had it at any of my children’s parties either!

Well, hope your kid has no one turn up at their party!

Shocking and nasty, I’m glad I live somewhere where an adult would never think this let alone express it.

Surely the answer is to drop the invited child and take your other children elsewhere?

Well, hope your kid has no one turn up at their party!

Urgh, so you're nasty as well as entitled

My sons party was exclusive use. My friend did not offer to pay for the sibling she brought, she wanted him to join in at my expense. This is not okay.

To all the entitled parents who do this, just don't. Think back to when you were a child and how special you felt around your birthday parties. It's not a community event ffs. It's a private function for chosen friends of the birthday child.

Why do people bring siblings to parties? It’s really bizarre behaviour

It's not at all bizarre. In both my DC's year people bring siblings (to church hall type parties and others if there's space/it's appropriate to other activity parties) and it's lovely. The kids generally love getting to know each others siblings - it's a community. Children don't need to exclusively interact with kids who happen to be born within a specific one year interval.

I don't know anyone so mean who would begrudge a few siblings turning up if they've exclusively hired a soft play (since in the local one you wouldn't have to pay per child once you've hired the entire place). Maybe my DC's year are particularly lovely kids but they're obviously going to know the siblings of their friends so are happy to have them at their party and still feel special. If they've exclusively hired it's going to be a whole class event anyway so not only close friends. It would obviously also be ridiculous for the sibling to have to sit with a parent while everyone else plays or for single parents to hire a babysitter. I literally have never met anyone so mean in real life!

To all the entitled parents who do this, just don't. Think back to when you were a child and how special you felt around your birthday parties. It's not a community event ffs. It's a private function for chosen friends of the birthday child.

I think you need to get over yourself a bit for goodness sake - it's a kid's party not an exclusive red carpet event. They can have a lovely special day with a few siblings around - it helps create a sense of community. Of course you shouldn't have to pay extra for the siblings though. It's also just considerate of parents who have lives and have taken the at the same time - if you force them to they just won't come.

I would say that the time slot has spaces available if other family members want to come and there’s a great cafe nearby to grab some lunch although you’re more than welcome to come into the party room with your purchased food.

Or

The lunch provided by the venue is for party guests only but there’s a great cafe to purchase some lunch. There should be space to come join us in the party room, but with x number of excited kids, there’s also a great cafe to eat your lunch!

Welcoming but obvious.

It's a given siblings can come when it's not pay per child eg. entertainer/bouncy castle/exclusive hire soft play. (Older siblings usually sit by the side with a book/tablet younger ones either join in or are entertained by parents). No one even asks in this case - people just bring both kids (unless sibling is busy) and obviously hosts don't mind.

In OP's situation it would be assumed that if siblings want to come they have to pay separately. If the sessions are likely to sell out it might be worth mentioning it but parents here would assume that was their responsibility. I've been to a few parties where siblings couldn't join in (there were limited numbers doing the activity which were obviously all taken up with party child's invited friends) and parents were warned in advance - but these were always drop and run parties anyway so less of an issue.

It's a given siblings can come when it's not pay per child eg. entertainer/bouncy castle/exclusive hire soft play.

No it isn't! We had a party recently for DD's 6th birthday. We had booked an entertainer and carefully planned out nice books as gifts (instead of party bags) that were relevant to what the children (all in the same class) were doing at school. An older sibling turned up who wasn't invited and just joined in with the others - the mum didn't even ask if it was okay. What was even weirder was that she stayed at the party herself, when she could (and should) have taken the older boy elsewhere (the younger boy is 6 and is well used to being dropped off at parties, so there was no reason at all for her to stay with the other sibling other than the fact that she wanted some free food and entertainment for him). I was really annoyed about it because the older boy was throwing food when it came to the party tea and my husband had to ask him to stop. Then at the end he walked up and demanded a book and a slice of cake. It was really rude. He didn't say thank you and neither did the mum, or the child that was invited. There had actually been a little boy who was unwell on the day of the party, but sent in a present in with one of the other parents (unexpected, but very kind), so I wanted to save a book for him. I did have a book for him but the sibling had walked off with a book before I'd had the chance to do this. Had there not been a book for the boy that was actually in DD's class but couldn't come, I would have been really, really annoyed. Very glad I had enough.

I would just say something like "Rsvp. Please understand that only the invited child has a booked place and that food will only be provided for invited children. There is a cafe on the premises. If you want to book and pay for any siblings you are able to do this online."

If I had a hall party I would mind siblings being there but not to take a party bag/ gift at the end. Or take a place at the party table. I always put on a bit of food the adults in case any stay so I'd expect them to share a bit of that.

But if paid place no of course not.

@baconMaker It's not at all bizarre. In both my DC's year people bring siblings

Than why not just invite the siblings along with the other child?

I get so annoyed when people assume an invitation named and addressed to child A is actually for everyone. It isn't! it's for that child and that one only!