Would it be unfair to have another child?

[MediocrePenguin]

I appreciate its rather weird to ask an Internet forum but here goes. We have two kids already DD 9 and DS 6 and always thought we’d have three. For various reasons (mostly I guess, DH and the kids not being that keen) we put it off and off.

Anyway I’m nearly 40 now and it feels like my last chance is approaching and I just can’t shake the feeling of wanting another. DH, I know, would agree to have another if I really wanted but deep down him and the kids are happy with the status quo. So would I be unreasonable to put this on them, considering that there would now be a big age gap and as a family we are at a nice relaxed stage? Would it be mad to go back to the baby days?!

Help. Should I stick or twist?

Yes, since your DH doesn’t really want one, it would be unfair to twist his arm . Sorry.

I think it would be unfair

You’re properly out of the baby stage now. You’ll have a 7 year age gap between 2 and 3. I wouldn’t want to start again (and I’ve got 3 kids)

It doesn't sound like a good plant to me

Yes because your dh and kids are not keen. I am 38 and pregnant with my third difference being dh was happy to have another child and my kids wanted another sibling (oldest frequently asked for one and us delighted).

Wound be unfair to the planet

*Would

I’m not sure that “ not being able to shake off the feeling of wanting one / feeling like your last chance is approaching “ are a good enough reasons to get a puppy.

Let alone have a baby .

A friend has just done exactly this with similar age gaps. Her two older children took it very hard at first and the (now) middle child is still behaving badly for attention. I would say it is a lot of work if you are unsure.

Ok thanks all. DH would say 'look I think we're happy as we are but if you want another I'm happy to do that too.' So I wouldn't exactly be twisting his arm as such but I know deep down I'm the the only one who is keen. ☹️

@WH1SPERS why isn't feeling like you want another baby a good reason enough to have one?! I had the first two because I wanted them!

I am the third with a 6 and 8 year age gap. It was awful. Like 2 families and so much jealousy between both sides. They felt hard done by,a dn I watched them clear the parents out with free childcare, cars, mortgage down payments. The truth was my mum later said she was exhausted when I came alone, the third wiped her. 2 is better than 3.

Would baby have own room?

Oooh we are in exactly the same situation with exactly the same aged kids. Watching with interest.

@Mountainsoutofmolehills ahh thank you that's a really interesting reply. That's the main thing I'm worried about - that it would be like splitting the family in two as I'd be so busy with the baby if not be able to give the older two the attention they get now x

why isn't feeling like you want another baby a good reason enough to have one?! I had the first two because I wanted them!

I think because in your situation there are quite a lot of practical downsides for the rest of the family in having a third, and not many upsides for them since they don’t want another. Wasn’t the case for your first two.

@Allthewaves yep we have the room! It's more a query on the emotional side of things as logistically we'd be fine.

@autumnnightsaredrawingin so hard isn't it! My head says no but it's very difficult for my heart to let go x

Goodness everyone is being so negative! There’s a six year gap between my youngest brother and sister (I’m the eldest of five) and it has never been an issue. We all love our young brother - he really is the baby of the family and was the sunniest of us all so is universally loved! Tbh I don’t understand people consulting their other children about having more children. It’s a decision for the parents. Don’t let more people have a say in this decision than you and your husband!

I think you should do it. I would.

Go for it. I've got 3 and love it, although have smaller age gap.

Hi. While I completely understand how you feel, I can't help but feel that resentment could grow, should you decide to have another.
Is it worth it? (probably not).

I am 32 and have 3 DCs, 12, 10 and almost 2. Not sure why everyone is being so negative 🤔

The older two might really enjoy a younger sibling once he/she was born. But I do think you'd have to be prepared to make sure to devote attention to them and definitely do not rely on them to baby sit etc

My only worry with an age gap would be if the youngest developed only-child syndrome it would be frustrating for the older two to see them being spoilt more etc.

Still I don't think there would be anything wrong with it, it's only your and your husbands decision. You know your family best!

We wrre in pretty much ypur situation when I was 40. We didnt have another one (my dh was far more adament that 2 was enough than yours). It was tough but 8 years on Im really glad we didn't. Do not underestimate how expensive they get. Got a meeting with our financial advisor next week to talk about starting to save to get them through university (6-8k a year help w living expenses, they'll have to get a loan to cover tuition fees and a job to cover the remainder of their living costs).