Would it be unfair to have another child?

[MediocrePenguin]

I appreciate its rather weird to ask an Internet forum but here goes. We have two kids already DD 9 and DS 6 and always thought we’d have three. For various reasons (mostly I guess, DH and the kids not being that keen) we put it off and off.

Anyway I’m nearly 40 now and it feels like my last chance is approaching and I just can’t shake the feeling of wanting another. DH, I know, would agree to have another if I really wanted but deep down him and the kids are happy with the status quo. So would I be unreasonable to put this on them, considering that there would now be a big age gap and as a family we are at a nice relaxed stage? Would it be mad to go back to the baby days?!

Help. Should I stick or twist?

Your kids are 9 and 6?? Dont do it! Suck it up and enjoy the kids you have!

Also don’t forget that the ages between 5ish and 12ish are what I think of as the honeymoon period. children are generally delightful then; you have forgotten the horrors of night wakings and toddler tantrums and you are yet to experience the nightmare of teenage angst and all that goes with it!

Also don’t forget that the ages between 5ish and 12ish are what I think of as the honeymoon period. children are generally delightful then; you have forgotten the horrors of night wakings and toddler tantrums and you are yet to experience the nightmare of teenage angst and all that goes with it!

Good point. My friend has DCs 12 and 3 (two different relationships so not planned that way exactly) and it's a huge challenge. 3 year old still a rubbish sleeper and in the midst of tantrum stage. 12 year old is moody, argumentative, having trouble at school. I don't envy her.

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I don’t think that was quite what was said on the thread if it’s the one I’m thinking about. It was rather if he felt that strongly about it he would have to have another child with another woman and split from the op. That is the bottom line. However Imo that would be very selfish of an adult to do to their existing children.

There is a 6 year gap between dc1 a d dc2 and an 8 year gap between dc2 and dc3. Never a problem. I always felt baby got plenty of attention while siblings at school and I made sure older ones had my attention later. They're all grown up now, but they are so close. Just because it isn't right for some doesn't mean it's wrong for you. If your dh doesn't have strong feelings either way, then why not. The children will accept whatever you decide.

I was in this situation three years ago and didn't have the third. After a couple of months of moping that it was the end of an era, no more babies etc I was fine and it was the right decision. We are enjoying city breaks etc with our two dc, Im getting out more with friends, don't need baby sitters, and I'm focusing on a new career.