To feel sad for the guy in the paternity fraud case

[moanymoaner]

Was watching it on GMB this morning and he was teary , I feel sad for him . I can't imagine finding out when the kids were older that they weren't yours! I get that the boys are standing with their mum but surely they must be feeling cross with her lies :( all such a mess for them :(

Posters of both sexes with cheating partners are usually advised to end the relationship.

I don’t blame him for the situation and if the wife knew or suspected that the children weren’t his then she has behaved very badly. I can even see why he went to the courts. I simply don’t see how pulling sad faces in the daily mail and whipping up publicity is in any way ‘appropriate action’. That I do blame him for.

He founded a well-known internet business so this was going to be in the papers either way. He will have been strongly advised to engage with the media as an attempt to manage the message - well known tactic in PR and comms.

It probably wouldn’t have been in the papers had he not pursued the legal case.

@loopytiles

He had a legitimate case and has the right to seek redress. This man was deceived for decades and as much as his children wanted this to all blow over, that just doesn't happen. Especially with so much money involved.

Clearly looking at the vitriolic comments on here it is pretty clear that this man definitely needed to engage the press as there are plenty of people queuing up to tear a lump off him in any case.

It seems that lots of people think men should just put up and shut up in these circumstances, they aren't allowed justice or to point out the poor behaviour of women because it is bad for the children apparently...

This isn't about misandry in any way. Anyone who has affairs is criticised on MN. Anyone who behaves badly towards their families is criticised. No one has said the woman in this did the right thing.

To me it's about motivations to promote the story and how that decision was reached.

The same comments are being made over and over by new joiners who haven't RTFT.

It probably wouldn’t have been in the papers had he not pursued the legal case.

So what? He should have just accepted being defrauded?

I completely agree with your comments, DoyouMind.

No one has said the woman in this did the right thing.

No but you asked us to imagine a situation that would make it acceptable

Then backtracked

@Doyoumind I've read the full thread and I think this is all about misandry.

If a woman had somehow been duped into raising her husbands lovers child, then she would've had out pouring of sympathy is she'd told her story.

Women in here think calling the husband a cunt and saying he should be grateful otherwise his infertile self would've been childless is quite staggering. One poster saying he's been married three times so he can't be that good a person, this untrue he's been married twice. But even if he had, If a woman came on here saying I've had two shit experiences in marriage, my first husband deceived me in the worst way possible and the second just didn't work. I'm thinking of trying again, am I wrong? If people said "well clearly you're an awful person, so no don't", then lots of posters would be up in arms about that, yet posters on this thread think saying all that is fine about this man, even though it's untrue anyway?

FWIW I have nothing but sympathy for the man and boys and think the woman and the affair man are 100% to blame for this situation. I'm sure the real father knows who he is, but no balls to come forward and want to meet his sons.

For those saying he shouldn't have gone to get money back and money was more important, it was £250k which is nothing to him, he wasn't driven by money his was driven to show how badly this awful women treated him. If a woman had a similar story then she'd be advised to "get what she deserved"

Posted too soon!

This is one thing I hate on MN, the hatred of all men. It's ridiculous and stops any viable and reasonable discussion. Some men are awful, some in the middle, some lifesavers and some brilliant the same goes for women.

Absolute blithering nonsense.

@floribunda18 is that comment aimed at me?

It's not blithering nonsense.

A woman whose husband had lengthy or many affairs and deceived her in the worst possible way would have lots of support. They would be told to get their ducks in A row a shit hot solicitor and to take them to the cleaners.

Simple fact is this woman committed fraud. But did it in such a way that she isn't facing criminal justice. This woman was a female cock lodger. What advice do women get when living with cocklodger?

easyandy I didn't back track. My first post on this thread was:

'Getting publicity around the case is to punish his exw. It drags his sons into it, proving he doesn't give a shit about them despite being their dad for years, as if the whole case didn't send them that message anyway.'

I haven't deviated from that.

What I said was that we don't know the story. Anything could have gone on in the marriage. That's not to excuse or justify the woman's behaviour but it's just to point out we know nothing about him except what he tells us. What he does seem to have told us is that he wanted her publicly shamed and that also meant bringing his 'sons' into the public eye.

It's my personal view that was the wrong thing to do. I think women who take stories to the press for their own benefit and to the detriment of their families are equally reprehensible.

Doyoumind

You are clearly not in support of this man and seem to have no empathy with his situation.

You have blamed him throughout the thread and dodge any response as to what should happen to the woman that defrauded him and seem to have ignored the inconsistencies with the reported response of the eldest child.
You also ignore that he has said that he still wants contact with the children that are involved in this and one of them (at least from reports) is still in contact with him.

Taking all of that in to account

What do you think should happen to the woman, what would be a suitable punishment for her?

He has already agreed with her that a suitable punishment was to return £250k. That is the punishment for her fraud. Why does there need to be further punishment?

I have blamed him for going to the press. I haven't blamed him for his exw's actions.

I don't believe in the long run that seeking revenge by going to the press will be emotionally beneficial to him. It won't stop his pain at the deceit but it has pushed his sons further away from him.

As I have already said, he can say he wants a relationship with the 'sons' but his actions have damaged his chances of a proper relationship. That doesn't mean the mother's actions haven't also caused them all enormous issues.

The public shaming and scarlet lettering that’s going on at the moment seems punishment enough to me for this woman. Or maybe we should bring back the stocks? She’s paid back the money he paid for the children and I believe that was a private agreement between them, is it likely he would have been awarded more if it had gone to court? Why didn’t he I wonder? What punishment do you think is fitting boney? Jail? Destitute in a ditch? Public flogging?

I’m actually being serious. What can happen now? There’s no legal precedent for this is there? There’s no legal process to deal with this. Maybe that’s why people are so infuriated by it. Morally it’s an unforgivable thing she did but what sanction can be applied twenty years afterwards?

It really is worth understanding that not all women are the women they want us to believe they are

This woman cheated on her h repeatedly and lied through the entire relationship, every single second of every single day, every time she looked into her kids eyes or her h eyes, the lie would have been there.

So now her kids have told him that they would end contact with him if he takes legal action against her.

For me, that’s more of her kind of manipulation working it’s evil magic.

My own oh exw will literally stop at nothing (especially hurting her own child) to manipulate the most pathetic of sums from him despite having an enormous (genuinely) settlement (she’s literally set for life)

Some people are truly awful, some people are honest, kind, genuine and everyone else is somewhere in between.

He’s right to do what he has done, his sons are wrong to threaten him, and they will understand that one day.

The villain in this is her. 100% her. There were a million other ways she could have created a family but she chose betrayal and deceit

I think that a lot went on in that marriage on a day to day basis for all three of the children to have so wholeheartedly taken their mothers side. Am I wrong in saying that he wasn’t in regular contact with his young teenagers before any of this cake out?

The problem with this thread is that any criticism of his behaviour is seen as defence of hers when from what I can see no one has defended her at all they’ve just looked at his behaviour and found it questionable. He is the one who brought it into the public eye so of course he’s the one people will comment on.

@CarolDanvers as had been pointed out many times, not all three have wholeheartedly taken their mothers side! One son is still in contact with him.

That's another untruth like he had been married three times.

One son is still occasionally in touch with him by text is what I read.

@CarolDanvers so all three have not wholeheartedly taken their mothers side then?

Do you know how much contact they have with their mother?

No, do you?

No but as you seem to know more than the pews are saying, ie all three wholeheartedly sided with their mother I thought you might be in the know?

I mean if your story is not compelling enough just say untruths to strengthen it, why not?