To feel sad for the guy in the paternity fraud case

[moanymoaner]

Was watching it on GMB this morning and he was teary , I feel sad for him . I can't imagine finding out when the kids were older that they weren't yours! I get that the boys are standing with their mum but surely they must be feeling cross with her lies :( all such a mess for them :(

Boney please show me where I have stated that I think he shouldn't have gone through the courts.

I said he shouldn't have because his 'sons' asked him not to and that should have mattered to him. Go back and read all my posts. If they hadn't said that I wouldn't have queried it.

From my first post I have questioned why he went to the press and focused on that. I still don't understand his need for publicity around it and I don't think anyone has pointed to a reason except revenge or me, me, me.

If this were me I'd want revenge. That might make me a terrible person but yes I'd want to make the mother and father suffer for what they'd put me through.

Not saying this is the motivation here but yes revenge would affect my decisions.

Well then perhaps we agree he may have put his own needs above those of his 'sons''. To me that is very sad.

I don't know if he did. I am saying what I would do.

I said he shouldn't have because his 'sons' asked him not to and that should have mattered to him. Go back and read all my posts. If they hadn't said that I wouldn't have queried it.*

Maybe it did matter. But he still made a different choice.

I can't think of any other situation where the victim would be blamed for trying to do everything they can to get to the truth and get some justice.

The only person who caused this was her. She shagged someone else. Passed the kids off as his and then expected him to roll over and just accept it.

There are cinsquences when you repeatedly fuck someone over. These are hers. If she gave a shit about her children, none of this would have happened.

That woman should be ashamed of herself if she knew all this time that her husband was not their father. They have a whole other family that they have never had the chance to grow up with, she has deprived other men of being active fathers, she must have had affairs ( with unprotected sex ) throughout the marriage, which in itself is disgusting IMO. Her whole marriage and family was a lie, what sort of a person can do that day in, day out for that many years.

Sometimes you can not always do what your children want, the right thing needs to be done and people need to be punished for the mistakes they have made. He is quite entitled to sue his wife for the lies she has told. I could not imagine how I would feel if in 20 years time someone told me my life with my DS was all a lie, it breaks my heart to even think of it.

Many might be surprised at how much DMs will not say in court, even in custody battles, to prevent DC further harm (emotional,psych &physical).

Its no shock to me that he will have his pound of flesh and be damned the consequences on his DC.

It is shit that she lied all those years. We know a few of the hard facts but nothing more. It is clear that him making this public isnt in the best interests of his DC.

be damned the consequences on his DC.

They aren't his children though.

And so what if some mothers don't mention everything in court? It has no bearing on how this man acts.

He has every right to do what he needs to do.

The mother has clearly done exactly what she wanted to do for the past 20 years ie lie!

What exactly could this woman say in court to excuse/justify her actions ?

they aren't his DC though

You gotta be seriously worried about that attitude though right?! Makes me feel a bit sick....

doyoumind in a radio 5 interview with a rather disapproving Emma Barnett she asked him why he's gone public ..he said that he as he was going to court and he was quite well known in some media circles he was warned by reporters he knew that other journalists were sniffing around so he thought he would try and minimise the fallout by going via Mail in Sunday . He may have had other motivations and it does seem the sons aren't squeaky clean innocents in some of the ways they supported their mother in her denials so why shouldnt he expose it rather than other papers .

Uuuummmmm?...son was a toddler when they got together...

Uuuummmmm?...son was a toddler when they got together...

Yes that was my Dp I was talking about. He married his ex wife she already had a son. Dp brought him up with his ex wife and as far as they are both concerned they are father and son.

I was pointing out the difference was that Dp chose that. He knew his son wasn't his and would have still paid CMS if they had of split when the boy was younger. But that was his choice. It's so much more complicated when the choice isn't given.

What's your issue with it?

Boysandbuses, Obviously, Smotheroffive, hasn't read the entire thread, because I loved what you wrote and I used that line as an example as to why I think that there is a difference between knowingly wanting to raise a child whether, you step parent or adopt, and what happen to this gentleman, where he was deceived from the start.

She must have missed that part.

Gin, often people simply release a statement. He didn't have to go to the papers and pose for pictures. He didn't have to go on GMB. He didn't have to go on the radio. He actually made it a bigger story than it would probably have been otherwise.

And he's said he's writing a book about it as well.

MissLanesAmericanCousin yeah I guess so.

And he's said he's writing a book about it as well.

And what?

It was a query...as I hadn't read that bit,but I have been following the thread, and that is what I'd expect a decent man to do, who comes to love a DC, as their own.

Don't the court actually enforce this too?

Exactly Smother. If you can stop caring for people you've been a parent to for 20 years because you find out you aren't related by blood and take a course of action you know will do them harm you have a strange moral compass. As a mother I can't comprehend it.

As a father I can comprehend it. The only way this could happen to a mother is if the baby was switched at birth in the hospital. Imagine after 20 years finding that out. It's going to take time to sink in. That you have a biological child out there.

Now tell me you can guarantee there wrong be any emotional response on your part. It wouldn't occur to you to be angry at the hospital, or that you wouldn't take action on any kind. That you'd just be "grateful" that you had a relationship with any old child.

As to this the betrayal that he feels as not only are the children not his but his wife cheated on him too.

But fuck it, he's a man and he's cunty.

LTB gets thrown around if men aren't good in bed, if they're a bit tight with money, if they text female co-workers, go out for a beer and come home late. There's hundreds of other reasons. Apparently even in this case the man is in the wrong. One poster even using the "poor menz" bullshit.

Honestly how wronged does a man have to be to get even a reasonable amount of support?

I would be devastated to 'lose' a DC I had raised as my own [in the hospital switch scenario] . literally utterly devastated! I could also see that in order to protect them [the DC that's not mine] I would keep quiet. I would want to protect their feelings and try to manage it carefully without all this drama.

I would absolutely stand by a DC I thought was my own, and this has happened of course, and this is how the women involved behaved. I can not understand how that can simply be switched off i f the DC was then taken that would be unbearable, just as if it were my own, so no, I don't understand!!

myrtleWilson

I know of something similar and the dc knew who their biological father was.
That is why I think this has already been addressed.

It is an obvious question if you find out that your df is not related to you the first question would be who then is my father.

The guy involved hasn't "switched off " his feelings though, he still wants to very much be involved with the children, but feels he needed to take appropriate action against his ex wife as he needed to do the right thing.
It is amazing how this has happened to a man and still people on here are blaming him. I would love to see the responses to thread of a woman posting that their husband had been off and had a four year affair, fathered 3 children and lied for 20years to her, he would be getting strung up. There is just no rationale on here sometimes.

What makes posters suggest that other posters who have negative views about the man’s actions (as well as the woman’s) do so because of sexism towards men?

Is it a genuine view that some women MN posters are biased towards men? Easier than engaging with the arguments? Seeking to discourage posters you disagree with?

No it is a fact that there are many threads were a Woman has suggested a man may be cheating and the advice is to leave the waste of space and other such descriptions of the man. Sorry @Loopytiles if the comment about discouraging posters rather than engaging in the discussion is aimed at me, I have not discouraged any comments simply pointed out that it would be a different thread if it were the woman who was aggrieved