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Original poster

To feel sad for the guy in the paternity fraud case

752 replies

moanymoaner · 10/01/2019 12:19

Was watching it on GMB this morning and he was teary , I feel sad for him . I can't imagine finding out when the kids were older that they weren't yours! I get that the boys are standing with their mum but surely they must be feeling cross with her lies :( all such a mess for them :(

OP posts:
Boysandbuses · 11/01/2019 18:41

He wants to know who the dad is. He wants to know who the other person that did this is. He wants to know the full story.

She isn't giving him anything.

CarolDanvers · 11/01/2019 18:42

Where else should my focus be? He's my son. She's nothing anymore. What influence could I have over her? I'd want to forget she ever existed but I couldn't just stop loving three children who I had believed were my grandchildren for decades. I knew a couple who were married for a decade. There was one step grandchild from the women's previous relationship. When the couple split the mother of the husband was heard to say "I don't feel comfortable with him calling me grandma anymore now you have split, you need to tell him not to". I thought this was very cold. FWIW the husband/step dad still sees the child and recently went to their wedding.

I hope my answer doesn't disappoint given how much you were looking forward to it Smile

BejamNostalgia · 11/01/2019 18:43

Yes he chose to pursue court but I imagine that would have been borne out of frustration that she was not acknowledging the harm she had done to him.

I think as well, her reluctance to name the real father must be a factor in this. If it wasn’t pregnancies from fraudulently obtained assisted fertility that is. She’s lied to the man for over 20 years, she’s spent her sons’ entire lifetimes lying to them, probably still isn’t telling them the whole truth, and her only concern is protecting the real father’s identity? That is fucking proper questionable behaviour. I wonder if it’s the husband of her best friend or her sister or something? Someone she really can’t afford knowing? Wouldn’t surprise me.

thedancingbear · 11/01/2019 18:46

No, Carol, why are you so concerned with excusing this woman's actions by shifting the focus onto the husband's (imperfect) reaction to them?

BejamNostalgia · 11/01/2019 18:47

weetabix, thanks bae. Xxx

myrtleWilson · 11/01/2019 18:50

I didn't say financial redress heals hurt I said that it acknowledges harm - long established legal process surely?

Doyoumind · 11/01/2019 18:51

Unfortunately people are defrauded regularly in the divorce courts if the accountants and solicitors are good enough.

CarolDanvers · 11/01/2019 18:52

@thedancingbear I'm responding to @scubadoobie's post and I think I have been quite clear. Not sure what you're not understanding tbh. I've been really clear what I think in all my posts on this thread. Perhaps go back and have a re-read? A bit pointless if I just repeat myself.

MissLanesAmericanCousin · 11/01/2019 18:55

Doyoumind, it is a criminal matter though! It is fraud!!!!

The insanity on this board is relentless!

Doyoumind · 11/01/2019 18:58

To be fraud it would have to be proven that she knew 100% he wasn't the father at the time of the divorce.

BoneyBackJefferson · 11/01/2019 19:00

Doyoumind

You ask who has minimised what this woman has done, the answer is you

@ Thu 10-Jan-19 12:43:44 you posted
He had the chance to be a father to the boys for 20 odd years. He might never have been a father at all otherwise. She was deceitful but he should at least have been grateful he had a family

He should be "grateful", that is a fucking twisted PoV that clearly minimises what she has done.

And has it not occurred to her supporters that someone that lied about the paternity of the DC might just be the person that is controlling and abusive?

BejamNostalgia · 11/01/2019 19:00

The other thing that fucking annoys me about threads like this, the sort of posters that defend the mother, they insinuate that if you don’t back the mother then you must either be the person involved or know them or something. Because nobody could possibly reasonably think that the mother’s behaviour was out of order unless they were either the father or one of his mates.

In reality, outside MN 95% of people are going to think the Mum’s behaviour was shitty and most of the rest wouldn’t give her unqualified support. It’s just MN is this weird corner of the earth where women can do no wrong.

BejamNostalgia · 11/01/2019 19:04

To be fraud it would have to be proven that she knew 100% he wasn't the father at the time of the divorce.

He was initially pursuing her for fraud and she would have been forced to admit to the court who she got pregnant by. And if she had refused I think it would have defaulted in his favour. That road wasn’t traveled because they settled out of court. I think he may well have had good reason to think he could prove it if he was prepared to take it to court.

Doyoumind · 11/01/2019 19:05

Bejam I insinuated that because you arrived yesterday evening with the first post using that name with a flurry of posts on this thread and no other posts on any other threads.

MissLanesAmericanCousin · 11/01/2019 19:05

To have two pregnancies with the same father is rather coincidental. Maybe they weren't having sex for the 4 years that she was screwing around. Either way, the onus is on her to prove that she didn't know that her three children were not her husbands as far as I'm concerned. My theory is, that I believe she coluded with the bio father. Either way, I hope it all comes out and she gets her just desserts. Even if she never ends up in prison, I hope she never dates again.

Boysandbuses · 11/01/2019 19:07

Unfortunately people are defrauded regularly in the divorce courts if the accountants and solicitors are good enough.

Oh that's ok is it?

No they would have to prove she knew 100%. Though I think she did know and perhaps revealing the dad would prove that.

However they would simply need to prove the she should have reasons my known there was a chance they were his.

Given that she was shagging them both, she knew there was that chance.

MissLanesAmericanCousin · 11/01/2019 19:12

Correction I meant to say infrequent sex in 4 years

Doyoumind · 11/01/2019 19:13

Boneyback you are misquoting. I said:

'He had the chance to be a father to the boys for 20 odd years. He might never have been a father at all otherwise. She was deceitful but he should at least have been grateful he had a family instead of throwing at all away in a
vengeful rage.'

My point across a number of posts was that he valued making a point more than maintaining a relationship with his 'sons' and if you had RTFT you would have seen that and that I've already said that once.

Smotheroffive · 11/01/2019 19:15

There's a world if difference between blaming the DM for lying which I do BTW, and trying to protect an abuser of a cunting father who clearly gives not a shit about the DC

It's all about the money. Does he resent financial supporting two children and being a part of their lives, yes. What DM can switch off the love and protection of her DC like that?! Confused

Smotheroffive · 11/01/2019 19:17

Or decent man, come to that.

It's not all about the sex, but there is a profound gender bias that can't be ignored so get lost with the poor menz bleating yet again

Doyoumind · 11/01/2019 19:19

Of course they would have to prove that she knew he wasn't the father. She couldn't be found guilty because she just might have known. They would need to prove clear intent to defraud.

myrtleWilson · 11/01/2019 19:20

But Smother you have no idea if he is "an abuser of a cunting father" any more than we have know that the mother is a manipulative gas lighting twat. All we do know is that she deceived him.

Boysandbuses · 11/01/2019 19:21

Does he resent financial supporting two children and being a part of their lives, yes. What DM can switch off the love and protection of her DC like that?!

The typebthat lies about paternity I would imagine.

And yes I would resent being financially responsible for children that aren't mine. Does that mean I wouldn't have paid? No it doesn't. Especially if i was aware they were mine but had made the decision to bring then up anyway. But being lied to and manipulated for 20 years is just a 'meh' moment.

Do has a son. Technically a step son. He isn't his, biologically. But he is his son and dp does support him. But the child was a toddler when he got with the mother and brought him up for 15 years. It was a choice he made. He wasn't manipulated into it.

worridmum · 11/01/2019 19:25

So people on here saying someone should to take redress if it negatively effects innocent 3rd parties?

Does that extend to rapists families that could be made homeless as their husband / father has gone to prison?

Murderers or drunk drivers or people that steal or commit fraud ? innocent third parties are often negatively effected.

See were i am going with this? Do i agree with his actions maybe not but were the only option for redress.

MissLanesAmericanCousin · 11/01/2019 19:27

But the child was a toddler when he got with the mother and brought him up for 15 years. It was a choice he made. He wasn't manipulated into it.

This!!!!! ^

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