To feel sad for the guy in the paternity fraud case

[moanymoaner]

Was watching it on GMB this morning and he was teary , I feel sad for him . I can't imagine finding out when the kids were older that they weren't yours! I get that the boys are standing with their mum but surely they must be feeling cross with her lies :( all such a mess for them :(

he was the father to them for the best part of 20 years

No he wasn't.

The role of a parent

That would be the guy his wife was banging.

The role of a parent is to shield children from damage and pain
Exactly. So the 2 biological parents - what did they do to shield their children from damage and pain?

decided to abandon that in favour of punishing his ex and leaving them without a father figure they could trust.

You are making assumptions about his actions.

The Ex has by all accounts refused to accept any responsibility for or even the reality of her actions.

I don't think trying to get her to face reality is punishment, and I don't think he does.

Saw this in the paper. Son described dad as manipulative anyway so he'd gone NC.

There was just something about the father that seemed rather unpleasant, I can't quite put my finger on it.

Mother seemed unpleasant aswell. Unfaithful twice? For older son, then the twins.

What a mess.

I agree 2boysDad there is only one person to blame. The problem is his reaction is taking it out on 3 young people who are not to blame at all. His desire to punish his wife has meant he has lost any relationship with his sons at all. To whom they still cinsder him to be their father

And its a Pyrrhic victory really isnt it - the amount of money he won back though is at lot for most is nothing to him or his wife. What he has lost is the relationship he had with 3 young men who thought he was there dad. And they lost the man they thought was their dad in an instance

He absolutely was a parent. It's silly to say he wasn't. Even he would agree that he was.

Does he wish it had never happened though? Does he wish those 'sons' had never existed and he'd never had the experience of being their father? What if he had found out after the birth of the first? Would he go back in time and leave before the twins were born? I'm trying to understand where he's coming from and I don't understand why he's dragged innocent young men into public view.

Would he go back in time and leave before the twins were born?

I fucking would if my whole life had been torn down before my eyes.

Does he wish those 'sons' had never existed and he'd never had the experience of being their father? What if he had found out after the birth of the first?

I’m sure he wishes the sons existed but without the betrayal. Don’t forget that not only has he dealt with them not being biologically his, he has also had to deal with the fact that his wife cheated on him.

If he had found out after the birth of the first then he may have CHOSEN to stick around and raise them as his own. It may have ended his marriage and him choosing not to father them. But he would have had a CHOICE.

Not sure what is difficult to understand about that.

Bejam, that’s an interesting theory but if they didn’t know he was infertile why would she have needed donor sperm.

Well this is another thing with the ambiguity. The son is saying ‘oh she didn’t know we definitely weren’t his’ and the mother’s claiming that too. But then the son says she did it because she was in an unhappy marriage and wanted children which suggests she had realised he was infertile and took steps to become pregnant another way. It’s very difficult to know, because the sons story contradicts itself in several places.

Would he go back in time and leave before the twins were born?

I would've hoped so, or at least expect his wife to stop committing adultery and not get pregnant by another man again!

Why do people think he's punishing her?

He said he just wants her to accept what she did.

My point is about the publicity. He has gone beyond what might have come out in the press. I don't buy the controlling the narrative excuse. He didn't need to give newspaper and media interviews. He chose to, just like she chose not to be honest with him. Why is pushing the publicity the right thing to do?

My nan did this to my dad. He always believed that the man who raised him was his biological dad.

It was done to a friend of mine too sort of, except it was only her that didn’t know, her dad/stepdad knew. Her mother met her stepfather while she was pregnant and he was registered as her father on the birth cert. They divorced when she was about 17 and it came out then.

She tried to find her real father and it transpired he’d died from some sort of brain aneurysm a few months previously and had tried to find her. It had that knock on effect, the deception took that choice away. These boys would have the same thing. Well if the mother’s telling the truth about them not knowing. I suspect all 3 sons know but aren’t telling. Because you’d need to know for health reasons if nothing else.

I'm trying to understand where he's coming from and I don't understand why he's dragged innocent young men into public view.

I assume he's trying to find out the truth, when his ex has lied and continued to lie.

....leaving them without a father figure they could trust.

And she has left them without a mother figure they can trust. If she'd only come clean when his infertility was discovered, most of this could probably have been avoided. Instead, she seems to have allowed her sons to believe their father is a vindictive liar, when she knew that was not the case.

I don't understand why he's dragged innocent young men into public view.

Sounds like it was going to be made public regardless of anything he did or didn't do.

My point is about the publicity

The papers obviously had the story and were going to run with it anyway. If he hadn’t agreed they may well have gone to the wife and done a hatchet job on him instead.

He's been an absolute cunt to the DC that thought he was their df, it was not their fault and yes treating them like shit.

He's abusing them, and its clear from the boys about the maniuation he's inflicted on them through their little lives. DM doesn't get off scot free for lying, but its him that making this about a money deal. I hear too many abusers claim the 'dog in the manger' over it being about the money, when very often they are to blame for using gifting and money to coerce young DC and women, so they can't exactly make that someone else's fault

Doubt it. She's remained silent.

You are very much his supporter aren't you Bejam?

@Smotheroffive do you not think the mother has been a cunt?

Sounds like it was going to be made public regardless of anything he did or didn't do.

Bollocks. It’s a line that everyone who defends him has to take because it’s indefensible to drag his kids into the media.

Who on earth would want to speak out to the world abut this? and not give a shit about their dc

Someone who doesn't care about their DC, but only about themselves and revenge nasty fucker

If 'the slag had kept her knickers on outside the marital bed' there wouldn't be children to be in this situation Sonneedshelp!

son, I don’t think there’s any reason to resort to name calling. Bit undignified.