6 year old refusing to go on holiday

[Imustbemad00]

Just that really. Going on holiday, abroad, all booked. Very excited.
It’s not for a few months but at least 3 times a week he’s already worrying about it saying he doesn’t want to go. Mainly because of the aeroplane, but also the holiday in general and the swimming pool.

I don’t know what to do. Obviously we’re still going. He has asked to stay with my mum but there’s absolutely no way I’d leave him behind. I’m hoping once there he’ll have a nice time but it’s going to be so stressful especially as it gets closer. Then of course there’s actually getting him on the plane. I can imagine him screaming and trying to run away in the airport

Why can't you leave him with your mum, if she's up for it? Sounds like a plan to me.

I think it would be too much for my mum and I don’t think he would cope. He would miss me massively. He struggles with 24 hours and starts getting upset and wanting me.

I also just couldn’t go on holiday without him. I wouldn’t enjoy it. I’d feel terrible, guilty and worry the whole time. I actually think (hope) heneould enjoy once there.

What do you say to him when he expresses his worries? Does he listen to your explanations? Can you try role playing aeroplanes? Plan what to do if you don’t like the pool? Make a list of fun/ calming things to take?

My daughter used to show reluctance to go new places and would even delay getting dressed etc or walk very slowly - anything to avoid going. I couldn’t understand it ... the other kids would be happy to go to the cinema or days out but not her - it was a real issue. Anyway, we had a chat one evening and I said I’d got annoyed with her for delaying getting dressed, in the car etc when the day out was for her and she then confided in me that she doesn’t like going to new places. She needed to know in advance what it would be like there, how many people, how noisy, how long the journey was etc etc ... it was a revelation! So now, anytime we’re planning a trip we shout her photos of the town, the accommodation or the building - wherever it is we find a few photos to show her the layout and the size etc
If it’s somewhere we’ve been before we remind her it’s that place and she gets to tell me what she remembers about it and confirms you knows it. It’s made a huge difference and she’ll now go places and show interest once she knows more about the look / feel of the place ... maybe he’s similar?

Can you find a local college that has a fake plane set up and ask them to use him as a pretend passenger for the cabin crew practice? They get to deal with an anxious child whilst the 'game' might get him excited for a real trip.

Do you live near an airport viewing park, like at Manchester airport? You can watch the planes taking off. There are also planes you can go in for a look around and a play area. If he could get used to seeing them, it might help?

Does he know how to swim? Is the pool one you have to climb in, or is it beach style? Again, going to a similar pool a few times before night help.

You can also get fun eye spy books - one for the airport, one on beaches etc. This could distract him when you’re there and enthuse him before. Travel and holiday activity books too.

Is there a kids club at the hotel you could get him interested in?

Has he been on a flight before? Is that scary for him? Talk it through about how exciting it is to feel the whoosh as the plane really goes for it when setting off, and the food on the flight , the lovely flowery smell of the new country when you step off the plane.
Does he like swimming? Playing with inflatables in the baby pool?
Play up the bits you know he will like - playing in the sand on the beach, being outside in the sunshine.
Do your best sales job! Above all, try to be excited about it yourself - if you are, he is more likely to follow your lead. If you worry, so will he.

Is that a thing @NameChangeNine???

Don’t make the mistake of over analysing it. Answer his questions with enough information but keep it positive and light and move on. Don’t teach him to dwell and worry. Suggest any role based things you do just as fun activities- don’t put too much weighting on it.

And I really would take him, does he like to swim?

If he has never been abroad before then i guess it is all going to be new and maybe overwhelming. Start working on it now as pp have said. I am sure you can get books which help. The old Topsy and Tim ones used to be great for stuff like this. Have they maybe got updated ones now?

I would just stay cheerful and talk about how exciting it will be, and reassure him he'll be fine and love it. I wouldn't even consider leaving him behind - surprised anyone's even suggesting that!

Is there another time he's been worried about something which has in fact turned out fine? If so I'd remind him of that and talk about it. If not, maybe invent an occasion when you were a child and were worried about something etc etc.

He has been on an aeroplane before. Nearly 3 years ago, he was scared then too but as he was younger it was a bit easier.
He definelty gets anxious about new places so I’ll definitely start showing him more photos ect.
He doesn’t like swimming petrified of it. I’ve managed to get him over the worst of it over the last year. Even managed to get him into swimming lessons which he’s done for a few months but is point blank refusing to go to now so I’ll probably cancel them. It’s a shame because his confidence was growing massively but he dreads going every week and i can’t drag him there.

I’ve tried speaking to him about all the fun parts of the holiday and told him the aeroplane is safe and we can take lots of fun things to do. I just worry he’s going to worry so much that by the time it actually comes around he’ll be in a right state about it.

Erm your SIX year old absolubtely does not get a say...

They are going and that is the end of it.

@CrookedMe

Yep!!

OP knows that, she’s wondering what she can do to help alleviate the anxiety.

His six. You’re encouraging him to be anxious by pandering to him. A six year old doesn’t get to refuse his parents.

What is it with these recalcitrant children-refusing-to-go-on-holiday threads at the moment?

Don't bloody pander to it. You're feeding his anxiety.

Surely the pool is a non issue though in that he won't have to go in it?

So is it the association with the swimming lessons?

@IAmAllowedAnOpinion. Helpful. Thanks.

Tell him he doesn’t have to go swimming. Talk to him about all the other things he will be able to do. But also see if you can find a cool buoyancy aid/inflatable that he might enjoy playing with.

Pandering to it, feeding anxiety??

How compassionate.

Unfortunately it’s not as easy as “I’m the parent you
Don’t get a say” with some children. You do understand this is not a child misbehaving or attention seeking?

He’ll love it when he gets there.

He’s 6. It’s not his decision. Stop feeding his anxiety by pandering to him and he’ll be fine.

Sorry but I agree with @IAmAllowedAnOpinion

A six year old does what they’re told.

My ds was like this op, a friend suggested to me and it worked to get lots of little things that you would probably buy anyway to distract him on the flight, such as colouring book and pens, stickers, fidget toys etc (you can get these very cheap from the pound shop) and wrap them up in wrapping paper/tissue paper/newspaper whatever you like and every time he has a wobble give him a little present to take his mind off it.
This worked a treat with my ds.

Something else that worked with my ds was to download a game he liked onto my phone and let him play it (on aeroplane mode) as we were getting ready to board. If you’re luckily he’ll get really engrossed in it and it fuss too much about getting on the plane and take off.