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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

6 year old refusing to go on holiday

113 replies

Imustbemad00 · 09/01/2019 20:26

Just that really. Going on holiday, abroad, all booked. Very excited.
It’s not for a few months but at least 3 times a week he’s already worrying about it saying he doesn’t want to go. Mainly because of the aeroplane, but also the holiday in general and the swimming pool.

I don’t know what to do. Obviously we’re still going. He has asked to stay with my mum but there’s absolutely no way I’d leave him behind. I’m hoping once there he’ll have a nice time but it’s going to be so stressful especially as it gets closer. Then of course there’s actually getting him on the plane. I can imagine him screaming and trying to run away in the airport Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Imustbemad00 · 09/01/2019 21:16

Also, when have I given the impression that I’m pandering to him??

I’m not checking back into this thread because some of the responses are quite disgusting.

Genuine thanks to the people that offered suggestions like normal compassionate humans.

OP posts:
Bennyismydog · 09/01/2019 21:17

Sorry and *not fuss too much about getting on the plane and take off

Jeanclaudejackety · 09/01/2019 21:19

Can you afford one to one swimming? There are loads. Where abouts roughly are you I might be able to recommend someone? Helped my friends little girl from literal hysteria when water got on her face in the bath to snorkeling in the Caribbean!

ItsHardToExplain · 09/01/2019 21:24

Can you whack him over the head like the A team used to do with BA Baracus?

alfagirl73 · 09/01/2019 21:25

Is it actually being in the air that he's scared of or, I wonder, if it's possible his ears hurt last time and he's remembering that perhaps? It's not always obvious what very young children remember about things or how their minds are processing things.

IAmAllowedAnOpinion · 09/01/2019 21:26

No, it is as easy as 'you are the parent, he doesn't get a say'. It is EXACTLY that. He does not get a say... whay are you even asking this. By even asking you are pandering.

cooblanket · 09/01/2019 21:29

I showed mine this video because it's from a fearless flyer course so the pilot is constantly talking through what's going on. All through the flight DS was telling us what was happening and saying it was the best day of his life so maybe show him this to ease any nerves about the flight itself.

Starlight456 · 09/01/2019 21:29

Some people really don’t understand anxiety.

Op can you take him swimming and play rather than formal lessons. Then give lots and lots of praise. For getting in make it as fun as you can .

Not sure if you are near London . Kidzania has a role play airplane.

Talk about the things you think he will enjoy .

Rudgie47 · 09/01/2019 21:29

OP you cant have a 6 year old having you over a barrel. Just say hes going and that's it.He has to get on with it.

TeenTimesTwo · 09/01/2019 21:30

If the DS is terrified and becomes hysterical on boarding then they will be offloaded. So the DS de facto does get a say. Which is why the OP wants advice now on how best to approach things.

Gincompetent · 09/01/2019 21:31

@Imustbemad00
Maybe repost in the behaviour/development board?

I'm having similar issues with my 6yo DS.
He's physically sick with anxiety, and I can assure the 'perfect parent' pps that I am not causing it, nor am I pandering to it.
It extremely difficult having an anxious child Sad
AIBU is definitely not the place to post.

NicolaStart · 09/01/2019 21:31

Does he show any other signs of anxiety etc? Have other difficulties in daily life caused by fear and refusal? If so, I would start looking for a cause and some help.

Otherwise I just wouldn't mention any of it, at all, until a few day before you go. And then be very matter of fact about it.

bollockswhogivesashitreally · 09/01/2019 21:32

Can you find something that would capture his attention in the area where you are travelling? Give him something to focus on that he can get excited about? Zoo, Boat trip, fun fair, etc etc.....

YouTheCat · 09/01/2019 21:33

Is there anything that he really loves doing? Does he like museums?

Show him things to look forward to. Help him select things for him to take on the plane.

StarlightIntheNight · 09/01/2019 21:35

perhaps a fear or phobia of flying or travel?

londonrach · 09/01/2019 21:35

Hes 6 he does what you want him too. You going on holiday he comes.

bridgetreilly · 09/01/2019 21:37

I would not talk to him about the holiday for a while. Maybe a week or so before you go mention it again. Several months of worrying will just build it up into a bigger deal. And then try to be as matter of fact about it as possible, rather than dwelling on any potential anxieties.

Anticipation is often much worse than reality, so that's what I would try to minimise.

(BTW, I think many of the responses are because of the way you worded the title, not the actual post.)

Mummyshark2018 · 09/01/2019 21:38

Sorry but my 6 year old would not get a say, however if they had real fears then I would work on them. Tackle the most important thing like getting him there. He has been on a plane before so focus on the positive aspects of this- can you show him pictures of how well he managed and how good the holiday was. I would play down the pool and would say he doesn't have to go in if he doesn't want to- which I would stick to. Allow him as much control as possible when planning the trip- like what clothes and toys he wants to take. What he would take in his backpack for the plane. Can you agree on a fun new movie/game to watch on the plane, favourite snacks to eat etc. I would not allow a 6 year old to stay at home otherwise it's a slippery slope.

SirVixofVixHall · 09/01/2019 21:40

My smaller daughter was the same age when we last went on a plane, and she was scared. She was reluctant to get onto the plane itself and at one point i thought they might refuse to take us anyway, as she was crying and frightened. She had been on a flight before but she was very small then, and her ears had hurt so I think she remembered that. She is also a worrier generally . She did calm down once we had been in the plane for a short while, got scared again as we took off, and then she was a bit better, but still scared, on the return flight. I don’t like flying much either, so although I made a huge effort not to show this, she may well have picked up on that anyway.
I found distraction helped, “oh look at that on the runway/out of the window “ talking about where we were on our journey ( to Denmark, so not a very long flight) , giving her a sweet to suck etc. DH is very calm and not at all worried about flying so that helped too.

Other than distraction, talking about what we would see when we got there, focusing on the things we would do, seemed to help. She is still scared, I don’t know how she will be if we fly again, but it was all ok.
Good luck op. Six seems to be the age when this sort of fear arises, the age when children start to be a bit more aware of things like crashes. Has he maybe read or heard about an airoplane crashing ?

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 09/01/2019 21:40

I was a bit of an anxious kid (I had reason to be, but that's another thread) and I had a mum who "refused to pander to it". It didn't stop me from being anxious, but it did teach me that there was no point asking for reassurance, admitting if I was worried or that it was safe to confide in people.

I'm an adult now, and still feel like I'm "not allowed" to find things stressful or ask for help. It didn't make me a confident, fearless person but it did make me feel like my feelings weren't important even to myself.

Yabbers · 09/01/2019 21:42

@bridgetreilly

No the responses are because some people just can’t accept that children can have anxieties too and think you can just “tough shit” parent them out of it.

Newsflash, it doesn’t work.

I would offer advice but they’ve made it so the OP doesn’t want to return. Well done, Mumsnet at it’s worst once again.🙄

Kool4katz · 09/01/2019 21:43

I think if a child is anxious about something then it's best to discuss the issue with them (yes to role play) and help rationalise it for them in order to take the fear away. If you don't think you can do that yourself, then maybe try a professional hypnotist? Obviously, you'd sit in on the session.

Missingstreetlife · 09/01/2019 21:43

I would take dc to a homeopath, they are great at treating this kind of anxiety

ironinglady57 · 09/01/2019 21:46

Look online for a social story about going on holiday. Could help to ease anxiety

mytieisascarf · 09/01/2019 21:47

Op please ignore the arseholes. With parents like these it's no surprise that more and more young people are developing mental health issues.

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