6 year old refusing to go on holiday

[Imustbemad00]

Just that really. Going on holiday, abroad, all booked. Very excited.
It’s not for a few months but at least 3 times a week he’s already worrying about it saying he doesn’t want to go. Mainly because of the aeroplane, but also the holiday in general and the swimming pool.

I don’t know what to do. Obviously we’re still going. He has asked to stay with my mum but there’s absolutely no way I’d leave him behind. I’m hoping once there he’ll have a nice time but it’s going to be so stressful especially as it gets closer. Then of course there’s actually getting him on the plane. I can imagine him screaming and trying to run away in the airport

I understand anxiety, have suffered with it all my life, and agree that the OP is making it worse for her child.

Talking, reassurances etc all feed anxiety. If it's really not a big deal, she needs to tell him they're going, explain (ONCE) what they're going to do there and then crack on. By constantly going back over it, it feeds the anxiety. Kids absolutely have anxiety but they need to be able to know that mum is completely confident, we're definitely going etc.

Good to see the helpful posts but some people seem to have replied without respect for the OP or her little boy.

Don't know if the OP is still reading - I'm so annoyed people with the compassion and, lets face it, IQ of a manky dishcloth have prevented her hearing actual advice from people who have been there.

Just in case she is still reading - my DD was exactly like this, crippled with anxiety about holidays. We tried a sorts of things and made every effort to get to the bottom of her anxiety and build her confidence. We are now a year later and she is a totally different person. Much better in touch with her feelings, able to express her anxieties and able to choose which challenges she is ready for and which are projects for a later date. Kids are amazing if you actually bother to take the time to understand them rather than just tell them what to do and ignore their feelings and opinions.

We found the book worrier to warrior very good. It has both child facing and adult facing information and it really helped to give us a common language to discuss all of our anxieties.

wanna the OP made it clear it is the child raising the issue not her. Do try reading the information before wading in with bullshit.

My son who has autism always refused to go on holidays, like your son partly because of the journey and partly because of the pool. He, like many others with autism, cannot bear changes of any kind or being removed from his "safe place." When little we did insist he came on holidays, obviously trying to calm his fear....for instance we told him he never had to go into the pool or sea, but even though he stayed on the beach, having a rubber ring around him at all times made him feel safe. But actually once we got to our destination and he had a "new" bedroom that because his "new" safe place and was absolutely fine and began to enjoy the holiday (with his rubber ring). I wish you good luck though and hope it works out for everyone.

Talking, reassurances etc all feed anxiety.

Completely the opposite advice from what I have had from CAMHS. DD has had quite a lot of input from CAMHS and they have absolutely been sure that talking about it is the very best thing you can do. Talking in the sense of talking and listening, btw. Don't just tell your anxious kid what's going to happen because that is a route to all kinds of horrible shit.

Oh, and the advice we've had from CAMHS has really helped.

I agree with what @Epanoui said, when I'm anxious the more I talk things through and get it straight in my head the better I feel.

Can I recommend this book OP?

Overcoming Your Child's Fears and Worries: A Self-help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioral Techniques (Overcoming Books). www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Your-Childs-Fears-Worries/dp/1845290860/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&keywords=Overcoming+anxiety&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1547079005&sr=1-4

My son has autism and quite crippling anxiety and I did a course with the local autism team called overcoming anxiety. They gave me this book and it is brilliant. It's not specifically for children with autism but for anxieties both big and small.

It helps you learn how to talk about your child's anxiety with them but without reinforcing it and how to help them look at their fears in a different light. It also has suggestions on how to work with your child to overcome their fear on a step by step basis.

Oh my word, some of these responses - have you no experience of children with SEN? How bloody insensitive some of these 'helpful' answers are!

To an extent you can manage expectations, the excitement of going on a plane and on holiday.

This isn't always possible - not through any parental fault, I need to add. Sometimes things don't go to plan and sometimes children can't be 'tuned' to behave to others expectations in public.

As someone who HATES flying PLEASE do take him!

Talk to him about his fears and address them as much and as honestly as possible.

My mum is a complete non flyer which resulted in me not going on a plane until my 20's, I already had a fear of heights, I don't understand how the hell a plane gets or stays up there (despite numerous people including a friend that's a pilot explaining). The slightest turbulence freaks me right out!

You do not want your son to be me!

What's the issue with the hotel and pool? Again listen to him and don't just dismiss his fears. I love swimming but my best friend is a non swimmer (her brothers fault, gave her a fright when she was learning but then her parents just let her not swim again which compounded it).

He's young enough that fears are more possible to be overcome, you're kind of at a crossroads. Either you can help him cope with them or you can make them become entrenched.

"Op please ignore the arseholes. With parents like these it's no surprise that more and more young people are developing mental health issues." Totally agree! Even though my parents were allowed THEIR anxieties I wasn't allowed as a child and was bullied and berated. Not just because of this (but it certainly didn't help) I now have a shit ton of phobias. I'm currently seriously agoraphobic and haven't left my home in over a year. Agoraphobia at heart is basically fear of unfamiliar places. For me it stems from contamination OCD and a desire to avoid triggers. So even when I'm at a point where I'm leaving my home I still limit where I do go (and when!).

"Talking, reassurances etc all feed anxiety." If that were true then talking therapy wouldn't be a major treatment for anxiety! I'm not saying it works for everyone but it does work for a lot of people myself included. It doesn't have much effect on the most severe ones for me, but for things like when I was having my first GA I found it really helpful.

"I’m not checking back into this thread because some of the responses are quite disgusting. "

I'm at a loss as to what "disgusting" comments were made in the handful of posts before OP flounced.

I used to have irrational fears all the time when I was little and suffered from separation anxiety.

I second the poster who said, that you should take him to watch the airplanes taking off at the airport. I would also take him inside the airport to show how much fun it is. Talk to him about all the different kinds of interesting and exciting people going to interesting and exciting places all over the world. Make it seem like an adventure. Tell him how special he is that he is one of the luckiest children in the world to fly on such a wonder of engineering.