To ask if you are the kind of parent you thought you would be?

[Bumblebee39]

So just that really...

I remember being pregnant with DC1 and thinking I would be a home schooling breastfeeding baby wearing earth mother
A few years (and one soon to be two more DCs) later and I am a studying and WOHP who doesn't home school, breastfeed, baby wear or (judging by our reliance on ready prepared food and disposable anything they make disposable) have much green parent earth mother to me at all
I am definitely absolutely not the kind of parent I thought I would be, are you?
What went to plan? And what didn't?

No. With my 1st I pretty much was, laid back care free. No 2 has finished me off because I can't be laid back and funny... And casual because I'm constantly having to manage her behaviour all. The. Time.

I'm definitely more shouty than I thought I'd be and I'd love to have more time to sit and do crafty things with the kids. I'm way more organised than both my parents were though - they once forgot to pick me up when I'd been away on French exchange and was desperately homesick because they got the date wrong. Not much chance of that with school what's app groups nowadays. Probably because of that I write everything in the calendar on the wall at the beginning of each term and as soon as the party invites come in for the kids - it's straight on the calendar so nothing gets forgotten.

I find it as difficult as I thought I would! I struggle with being patient, but I knew I would. Agree with all the above comments about craving time to myself and the endlessness of tidying and housework.

I didn't realise how much it would change me emotionally. I used to be a very planned and rational person. Now I'm much more ruled by emotions and more comfortable with changing plans and spontaneous, gut -feel decisions.

I never imagined how much I would love her ❤️

No

I thought I would be living in a caravan traveling with my family. But at my 20 week scan I learned that I was expecting twins one boy one girl and that one of them had a birth defect of the spine and clubbed feet.
My plans had been permanently changed. Two years later I’ve attended a lot of appointments and therapy sessions as well. I’ve also had the opportunity to develop my research skills and empathy.

Not really. I’ve actually just come back to mumsnet as I’m feeling particularly guilty at losing it with my almost-3-year-old today and had come here looking to see if I was the only one 😔
Haven’t had a decent sleep since baby arrived 10 months ago and the previously good-as-gold toddler is acting right up and I’m losing it with her, probably because I’m tired, but what’s with this attitude? Everything is a challenge with her atm. Every morning I go in her room and say “good morning” and she now replies with a grumpy “I don’t want you, I want...”anybody else basically. And on it goes from there. She’s become pretty defiant and doesn’t listen. I smacked her bottom at the roadside today as she ran away from me when I was strapping baby into the car. I feel AWFUL about it, but she knew what she was doing and wouldn’t listen to me when I asked her not to move - she was laughing and running away and I got such a fright that she’d run into the road that I really lost it. She then shouted at the top of her lungs all the way home. She’s also starting being really rough on purpose with baby. I think I just needed to come on here and say that and see if anybody else has been at the end of their wick? 😕
I try to play with her every day - but, as I’ve seen on previous posts, it’s frustrating rather than enjoyable. Her ‘play’ consists of bossing me around, not letting me join in and basically flitting from one thing to the next.
I actually feel like a child myself when I’m weitinf this as it does seem to sound petty, but I’m finding it a real challenge!

I am, yes. I appear quite relaxed/ not strict but my rules are my rules.

I am a bit like my Mum I guess (talk to the kids about their lives alot, try to take on board their views about things, consider similar things important, have a laugh with them within appropriate bounds and enjoy kid centred activities) but I think I'm more self aware and not as martyrish. A bit more selfish too!

@Youngandfree Ha! Same 🙌🏼

Like most people who’ve posted a bit of both. I expected to breastfeed and co-sleep and baby wear and use washable nappies and I did. I wanted to be low tech and avoid screens completely at first which I did almost as long as I planned but we definitely watch more TV than I’d hoped. We do lots of the sorts of things I’d looked forward to- trips to the farm, running around outside, messy play, reading stories, playing with lovely wooden toys.

I loved the newborn period as much as I expected. I wasn’t at all bothered by being tethered to the sofa eating biscuits and breastfeeding and I got one that slept well for the first few months. I wasn’t prepared for how much I didn’t enjoy the older baby bit. I was quite bored and had a high needs baby who didn’t sleep any more and wanted constant interaction, crawled at 6 months then walked at 9 months. Another surprise was how hard I’ve found it not being able to keep a clean and tidy house. I was never house proud before at all and was positively slatternly but now I find it stressful to live in a messy house but can’t seem to keep on top of things. I expected to find going back to work hard but actually I loved being back from the first day and still enjoy my work life balance now I’m working part time.

Absolutely not. I really thought I'd be a lentil weaving earth mother. I'm so not

I didn't think I'd still be bf at almost two, still babywearing, bedsharing, and working full time... I knew I would put my child first no matter what - I definitely do that.

Yes. Pretty much what I thought. Extended BF and co/sleeping but they fitted in. My work was central (minimal maternity leave and long hours) but non work stuff was de-prioritised unless DCs were also included. Super relaxed about what they chose to do whether or not it was what’s what I would have chosen. So far so good and DCs are now mostly grown up and we all survived.

I didn’t have many plans. My DH suggested Gina Ford and I physically threw the book at him (he’d found it in a charity shop and said it made sense). Luckily he saw reason as strict routines were never going to work for me. The bit I utterly underestimated was what two non sleepers would do. 6 years of maybe one night a fortnight uninterrupted and DH and I are much less chilled than we were pre DC.

I would like to shout less. I do try the whisper but when I’m trying to corral both DC at once it all goes to pot.

First dd I was exactly like my mother (scarily so!), she was followed by twins so survival (often mine) was the goal - they were home schooled until 14, she is a mechanic now, he is a photographer, last dd I have reverted to being about as earth mother as it gets. Bf, bed sharing, no stress, home cooked meals, mess and dirt are fab.

Probably the most important thing that has always remained but grown is my view on expectations. I was expected to achieve at school etc, I would like mine to achieve but happiness, mental wellbeing and more are equally if not more important. Funnily enough taking that view has led my eldest 3 to careers they both love and achieve in.

I was until I had very unexpected twin boys (1st pregnancy was a singleton) and had to adjust my expectations of myself.

Then it all went to pot through the teenage years. Youngest is not yet a teen and I am pretty much the kind of parent to him that I was to the older ones and look where that got me (disrespectful, rude, lazy buggers they are).

Given up now just waiting to be the kind of grandparent that I hope to be!

I thought id be more strict. I have a sister 11 years younger than me and she walked all over my mum and I'd always tell my mother that I wouldn't be no door mat 🙈

I now have 5 children (3 being teenagers) and sometimes for peace sake I just leave them to it because sometimes it's really fucking hard 

I wouldn't wish teenagers on my worst enemy 🙈

I think I am! I'm quite strict on him but also we have lots of cuddles and I big him up as he is quite shy. However he is such a fussy eater which drives me nuts!

Totally opposite to what I thought breast feeding toddler / co-sleeping / no make up / comfy clothes and shoes / house taken over by toys / chilled out but surprisingly happy x

No. I thought I’d have endless energy and patience. I thought I’d love playing. I thought I’d be fun.

In reality I am permanently knackered, rely on tv far too much and generally can’t be arsed a lot of the time.

I also thought I’d be closer to my children as they got older and although I do have a good relationship with them overall, sometimes my cravings for solitude mean I don’t always give them the time I should. I read a book where the child died and realised if one of mine passed I’d regret not giving them more of my time so I’m trying to do better.

I don’t mind my children getting covered in mud/sand/paint or whatever but I’ve realised it’s pretty shit having your house trashed and being the one responsible for cleaning it all up so I’m a bit more uptight about it now (making them strip off in hall rather than leave a trail of mud through the house etc)

I think mainly I didn’t realise how relentless and tiring it could be!

For first dd1 absolutely NO.. I thought I'd be patient, loving, interested lentil weaver.. I wasn't, it was SOOOOO boring
Second dd was better...

Parent now of teens and young adults including my darling step daughters.. And I am exactly what I hoped, wanted and thought I'd be... Fun, seen as cool, endlessly patient and wise... Their confident...

No. I love DD more than anything in the world but as a parent, for the most part I consider myself a complete failure.

@Rebah 👏🏼Hear ya

Yeah ☺️

I said I wasn’t maternal and didn’t want children right up until I was 38, mainly because I’d looked after 3 younger siblings the youngest a baby and the noise and disorganisation put me off for life.

Then I found out I was pregnant, went to the library the same day and maxed out my borrow allowance on ‘I’m having a baby’ books, and started stockpiling formula and Pampers.

Soon as she was born the formula went in the bin, cloth nappies brought in, and I continued a laid back, no rules, single parent approach with a Silver Cross pram and a sling. I’d already done a childhood full of keeping the younger sibs in check, this time round I was taking a more loose approach.

I’m the ‘Reasoner’ and my partner is the Disciplinarian it turns out.

Yes. I'm basically my mother.

Good god no! I remember when I didn’t have kids I used to see mums yelling at their kids in the supermarket and I used to think god who does that? They’re so lucky to have children and they’re doing that! ...I am now that person.
I also thought l would be the type of Mum who does loads of educational avtivities like painting and baking. Whenever I’ve tried either I’ve inevitably ended up losing my shit 😂
I did not think I’d let my child watch loads of telly. She learnt to talk in sentences before one , honest to god from the Tweenies. I could go on and on but I will have to bury my head in shame

@Mrsbalf I think you might be me? Except mine are just 1 and just 4. The level of strips, answering back and defiance of the 4 year old can be unreal. I actually yelled "do you want some chocolate" at her the other day to check her ears worked....