To ask if you are the kind of parent you thought you would be?

[Bumblebee39]

So just that really...

I remember being pregnant with DC1 and thinking I would be a home schooling breastfeeding baby wearing earth mother
A few years (and one soon to be two more DCs) later and I am a studying and WOHP who doesn't home school, breastfeed, baby wear or (judging by our reliance on ready prepared food and disposable anything they make disposable) have much green parent earth mother to me at all
I am definitely absolutely not the kind of parent I thought I would be, are you?
What went to plan? And what didn't?

I’m a bit better than I thought I’d be in terms of making ‘nice’ kind individuals.

I'm a very loving parent but not sure how much else I get right. I think I should be stricter, not that they are naughty but they maybe have too much autonomy at their ages.

I thought I’d be rubbish but in truth I’ve been middling to good. I think I’m best as a teenager’s parent, feel I’ve come into my own in this phase

I'm not really sure what kind of mother I expected to be so can't really answer that very well but when DS was a baby I was adamant we would get rid of his dummy by 6 months, he wouldn't have chocolate or crap foods, and he wouldn't use the iPad until he was much older. He's 2.5 now, still had dummy (at bed time only), his favourite meal is tinned meatballs, I bribe him with chocolate and he's currently sat next to me on the iPad

Kind of the opposite to you OP. I had relatively strong feelings that children should be in their own rooms from six months and I’d breastfeed until a year.
As it happens, I’m co-sleeping and extended breastfeeding.

I definitely also thought I wouldn’t use screen time very much. And I do.

Yes in the sense that I knew I would love them more than anything ever in the world but no in the way that I thought I would become an amazing wife that would iron my husband's shirts and make home cooked meals every single day

Like you OP I thought I'd be a hippy green earth mother with a massive family, and like somebody else I thought I'd love playing all the time. In fact looking back I'm pretty sure I thought that I would be one of the kids somehow it seemed to escape me that I'd have to be the mum.

In reality my 10yo is addicted to screens and junk food. I did breastfeed him until he self weaned but fat lot of good it did as his diet is now terrible. I struggle with boundaries and consequences and I didn't realise that to be the fun mum you also have to be really principled and boundaries all of the time because if you just say yes all the time to everything they don't learn to appreciate it and you end up with whiny entitled kids. Yay.

I also have a massive gap between my two (ten years) and apparently I am shit at birth, not some kind of goddess so I don't really want to do it again, might manage once more, pretty sure that will put me off for life, though.

I don't like playing, playing is boring when you're the adult. I don't really like being the adult though it's better now I'm with DH.

Sorry that was a bit miserable there are good things I appreciate about my learned parenting style but I don't think I will ever shake the slight bitterness that I thought I'd be some kind of amazing expert at it and actually I'm a bit shit at the basics.

I didnt think id be so bloody old!

It took so long to get pregnant and with so many 'hiccups' along the way that I hadn't really thought about what sort of parent I'd be. I was just amazed to actually have a baby!

I hadn't really had any opinion on what other parents did, I just knew I didn't want to be like mine.

Then 3 came along in quick succession, and ds had difficulties right from the beginning and I suppose I didn't really anticipate the sheer battle of getting the right stuff in place for a child with complex needs, the worry over their siblings getting as much of your time, the worry over diagnosis, health, etc etc etc. I think I am better at this than I thought I'd be and then I am not, and I try hard to be better at it again.

No, I thought I’d enjoy crafts and reading stories and just doing stuff with them.
I don’t. I find it all really really really boring.
I didn’t realise how depressing it would all be, boredom laced with acute anxiety and if I had I’d have stayed child free.

I thought I'd be a very calm, firm but fair parent whose kids spent all their time outdoors and never watched telly.

I actually run from one calamity to the next like headless chicken, have just persuaded ds1 to bed with the promise of jelly beans in the morning and am watching Hey Duggee with ds2

One thing I promised myself I'd never do and have stuck with though is smack my children. I will never do that.

I didn't think I'd be a parent at 21, but despite the surprise of DD I think I've done pretty damn well at being the sort of parent I wanted to be. DD is a very articulate, polite, well behaved two year old and I am constantly told what a credit to me she is, though I'm not sure how much of that is down to me and how much is just her personality. I'm not proud of much in my life, but I've done well with DD and her happiness is the most important thing to me.

I was planning to be an F1 mum, but no luck.

I had such plans to be a great mum......and I think I dfid a pretty good job of it until I had to step back and let dh do more of the parenting (job roles changed)....he's v soft with her and let's her get away with murder....now I feel he's responsible for her, what I can only describe as "bratty" behaviour - she doesn't tidy her bedroom, or return her plate to the sink or pick uip her toys or do anything I ask of her without a row. I try "love-bombing" her, I try spending time with her, taking her shopping, mum/daughter stuff but nothing is ever good enough for her - she always pushes it.
She's been going to Brownies because I want her to learn to be kind and think of others....sadly this doesn't seem to extend to me yet.
I just don't know where I went wrong. I'm dreading the teenage years. It's only a matter of time before she says she hates me...

i didn't think i would hide from them quite as much as i do

Bertie lots of us feel that way xxx but i bet you're not x

I was great for 2.5 yrs and then I had my 2nd and had pnd, lost all patience, was v grumpy and had a major identity crisis 😭 but I’m through it now and trying to work on the result which is my lack of patience, and anxiety about it. But to be honest I think our DCS Aare less effected than we think 😂😂

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! : )

I thought I would be a terrible mum as I didn't know much about babies before I had my DS but I've managed to keep him fed, clean and happy so far!

Pears comment resonates with me!

I'm really surprised by how unimportant I think formal schooling is. I thought I would be super keen on homework, super involved in parent governors and all. But in reality I think homework is generally a load of rubbish and I can't find any enthusiasm at all for listening to debates about sats and other pointless school policies. I'd rather take them to a museum or a forest (if only I didn't have to work).

Great thread. Dare i say it - like an olden days one!

No
I thought I would come up with the funnest games and have lots of energy to run around

I am all out of games and energy

I am nothing like my parents and I'm happy with that

Me too Smurf me too

DD seems a happy and confident child. I was neither, so I'm pretty sure I'm doing a better job than my own DM.

I'm different to the mother I thought I would be, more relaxed and less strict. I didn't think I was the maternal type at all, but actually I'm loving being a mum

I only have the one though (not through choice). Perhaps I would be a lot less relaxed and more stressed if we had managed to have more.

I was terrified that I'd be awful and not know what to do. I grew up in care so my ideas were all based around the fact that I'd only really had poor mothers to model myself on.

It couldn't have turned out any different, and I'm doing a damned good job. I say "fuck" like it's going out of fashion, I screw up at times but they're happy, healthy, confident children who have been an absolute dream to parent. I also doubted myself and had very little confidence when the first was born, 13 years on and I know my strengths, my weaknesses and who I am. That's a powerful feeling for someone who grew up with very little sense of self.