To ask if you are the kind of parent you thought you would be?

[Bumblebee39]

So just that really...

I remember being pregnant with DC1 and thinking I would be a home schooling breastfeeding baby wearing earth mother
A few years (and one soon to be two more DCs) later and I am a studying and WOHP who doesn't home school, breastfeed, baby wear or (judging by our reliance on ready prepared food and disposable anything they make disposable) have much green parent earth mother to me at all
I am definitely absolutely not the kind of parent I thought I would be, are you?
What went to plan? And what didn't?

I really thought I’d be a cooler version of Mary Poppins but the teen years have morphed me into the mum from Life of Brian (grumbling and mumbling to myself as I carry downstairs an armful of old cups, grim plates and items of my make up liberated from their rooms).

Idontbelieve that is awesome x

I am very much the mum I thought I’d be in lots of ways. I am not the wife or woman I thought I was though.
I have always been pretty glamorous, I feel like a bloody hamster on a wheel now, I don’t buy clothes, lingerie, high heels. I feel I’ve lost some of me. My husband is a lot of the issue in honesty. I am feeling the age gap (he’s 10 years older) and utterly antisocial and introverted.
I thought I’d be happy with friends over all the time. No. I’ve gone from a sociable friend to living in a work/housework fog,
My home has always been super organised and pristine. These days, I probably have to rewash a load a couple of times a few times a week as I’ve forgotten it in the washing machine. It’s a mess.
I didn’t think I’d work with a child, needs must and he went to nursery at 1 full time.
I adore Ds but he pushes my buttons and I am currently sat in his room watching him sleep although we argued at bedtime again.
There are many things that I don’t go with him due to work, lack of finances etc that his peers do as routine and that makes me feel a bit shit.
I am more strict than dh. I seem to be the love or boundaries/telling off. Dh is even keel with him.
I am a good cook. These days it’s msinly bung in the oven stuff.
Actually this thread has made me feel a bit shit tbh.
Life changes.

I'm struggling with the bits I thought I would as I'm an introvert and over emotional but thinking about it I'm maybe not doing as bad as I worried I would which is quite reassuring so thank you for this post OP

Yes largely. Pleased to find I hold mostly the same opinions pre baby as post baby. I thought I would be happy to do CIO. I actually found it too hard, though I have been blessed with a good sleeper (though early bloody riser). Nothing wrong with CIO btw.

Big fan of routines and I largely keep him in his, appreciate he is the centre of my world, but not others and avoided baby led weaning until 10/11 months. I like guidelines and largely stick to them all, though I struggled to get him off the bottle at 1!

I'm only 18 months in though...

I very arrogantly thought I'd be a really good mum because I had tons of childcare experience. It turns out that childcare experience does very little to prepare you for parenthood. I'm not a crap mum but I'm much less patient, earth mothery and nurturing than I thought I'd be. I thought I'd LOVE a huge brood, the truth is that one turned out to be the perfect number as I love the ease of it and the fact that I can give him loads of attention.

i am

from having babies in 2004 and 2010 to now i have parented how ive wanted and have the attitude bugger anyones elses opinion

i would say im different from the norm as i follow attachment parenting and gentle parenting

ive always done it my way but found out last year its a actually thing for what i do

i knew i would never leave them to go to work as i never believed in having babies to put in nursery /day care and i haven't(turned out they have disabilities and im a official carer but i didnt know that pregnant)

ive co slept from birth with both(still with 8 y old),neither have ever been in a cot or mosses basket

i couldnt baby wear as boobs were/to big and they were very big babies but i planned to

ive giving a feed as and when needed and how ever much,(11 oz every hour for youngest)

ive never had a hv as i opted out from the begining

i was going to breastfeed but never produced a drop of milk because of my PCOS

i cloth nappied from birth and used reusable wipes

we dont do rules and consequences,we talk it through as a family

neither have ever been left with a babysiter
and we home educate

I wanted to be an earth mother and have been in a lot of ways - slings, loved cosleeping, breast feeding, organic food etc. Great mum until dc1 was 2 and dc2 arrived (who is a terrible sleeper). i turned into snappy, irritable, fish fingers in front of the ipad mum...

Mostly i parent how i want but i do wish i had more patience. Its getting better now dc2 is a toddler but i snap more than i want to. Also thought I'd love painting and crafts as i have lovely memories of doing that as a child. Turns out i just find it really stressful due to the mess!

Never occurred to me how much housework and drudgery would be involved with kids and i hate that bit.

DS is only 6 months, but so far;

I wasn't going to give a dummy (he loves it)
I would never cosleep (I love it in the morning)
I was going to breastfeed for at least 6 months (2 bouts of mastitis and a 95% tongue tie put paid to that).

Nothing like the sort of parent I thought I’d be. And I’m happy with that

In many ways I am, routines, no dummies, no co sleeping etc but in other ways I am not at all. So rarely punish, talk through everything and listen to their thoughts and opinions when I thought I'd be authoritarian, probably a good job really as have two dc with autism.

Nope not really. More down to circumstances than anything else- became a single parent, was homeless
Got us straight and sorted, have a decent job after getting a post grad and masters
But always on the back foot. I’ve had to work so much I feel I missed out on so so much of DD childhood and I’m resentful for that. I wanted 4 kids, but haven’t had any others- too much stigma for a single parent to have another, no time to meet anyone, no money to go on dates, no childcare.
DD now a teenager is lovely most of the time, but when we argue (prob one big blow out a week) it’s horrible. We both shout, we both cry.
I want to rewind the clock so that she’s little again and we can do all the things I always wanted to do, but that I missed seeing her do due to being at work. Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that.

Christ no, I thought I'd be amazing, a natural, so patient, no crap to eat... now with 2under2 I do whatever it takes to get through the day. Thank god for CBeebies...

I thought I’d be nicer and more patient. Not sure why, I was always horrible and impatient before.

I actually find being a mum a lot more fun than I thought I would- I thought I’d ultimately love my baby but find a lot of the day-to-day caring boring, but actually I generally really enjoy it.

I had also planned on no screen time until 2 but my daughter is 10 months and Daniel Tiger is a lifesaver when I need to cook her dinner!

^^ much the same. I laugh much more than I ever expected to, I didn’t think I’d be those of parents who took them to all the classes and I did.. I wanted to make more mum friends which I didn’t do but we both still got a lot out of going.
I was more lonely than I thought I would be. I imagined coffee dates and having a full diary but that’s kind of fading away now we can have a back and forth conversation 😂.

I didn’t know what kind of mum I’d be or wanted to be but 2.5 years down the line pregnant with number 2 I’m pretty happy with how I am.

I never gave too much thought to how I’d be as a mum / we’d be as parents, but after a very long wait was just thrilled to be pregnant. But a couple of things stand out.

Somehow Gina Ford made a lot of sense to us pre-birth...(someone recommended it and my highly organised DH latched onto the concept) No need for that, as l’il PFB was a sleeper. I spent months watching box sets or out and about while she slept for like 21h a day and occasionally woke briefly to feed so no need for any severe routine. She didn’t become more wakeful till much later but still slept through. Now it’s a bit of a different story.

Also I was completely ambivalent about breastfeeding pre-birth. Found it a weird concept to get my head around but not opposed to it, I guess. Decided I’d give it a go and be fine to FF if it didn’t work out. But what surprised me once she was here, was that we struggled very badly to BF. Which made me stubbornly stick it out - pumping and dropper feeding colostrum and then pumping with bottles and finally the blessed day when she grew a bit, and latched properly- i went on to EBF and then BF through weaning very happily till I went back to work. That was a surprise! I genuinely didn’t have the idea I felt so strongly about it until I couldn’t do it...

Now she’s a bit older and at primary, while we are 100% on the same wavelength with each other, DH (who is just among the very best of fathers and DHs) is definitely the disciplinarian one and dd knows I’m the softie. I negotiate big deals at work and yet she just melts me.....

I have a professional career which I’ve worked very hard to achieve - but dream a bit sometimes about being a SAHM and even sometimes about home educating her. I didn’t expect that either.

Mostly I think about how grateful I am to be a mother when there was a long time when I thought it wouldn’t happen for us. Young me never factored that in and totally took it for granted that it would be hard to simply get pregnant. It’s such a blessing and not one I take for granted.

Lovely thread

Really interesting thread. I'm starting IVF soon and can't help but think about what kind of parent I will (hopefully) become.

I think I'll be anxious. I just hope they develop a secure attachment. That's my main worry.

Lol no.

I thought I’d stay slim and be the cool mum with the sports car.

L oh f-ing L

I thought I'd be a tiger mum type and really push my children academically.....in reality, I make sure they do their homework but that's about it.

I'm exactly how I thought I'd be. A SAHM who loves being a mum.

I didn't think I'd find it this hard and want a break from them so much. My eldest is quite challenging but I constantly blame myself for that. If we were less stressed/ I didn't work etc he'd be more relaxed etc etc

I didn’t think about being a Mum at all but I was scared of the responsibility whilst pregnant. After giving birth, everything just happened so naturally and I just went with the flow. I didn’t read any theories or advice really, I just kind of carried on with life and my baby just fitted in. I had no routine whatsoever and it really worked for us. Now she is older we are great friends and love spending time doing things together. That was my vision for having a daughter and I feel very fortunate that she is so sweet and loving. I hope I am a good Mum, I doubt myself from time to time because my daughter lacks confidence but I think that is just her. I try so hard to instil self belief in her but it doesn’t come naturally to her. Being a Mum has been a thousand times more fulfilling than I could have imagined though - that was the biggest surprise.

I could’ve been if I wasnt so distracted on mumsnet or my phone in general.
Actually, mumsnet has helped a lot too.
I’m generally chilled out but I do have my moments of shouting. I wish I didn’t b