AIBU wanting to cut DSD hair?

[Reallyevilmuffin]

DSD is 7, and I really want her to have a haircut. Her hair is lovely, a bit longer than shoulder length. This is nothing to do with the way it looks however. I do every school run each morning, and each evening activity getting her out of the house. My partner looks after the baby twins mainly whilst I do this. We have been together 5 years and DSD is treated as mine.

Her hair gets very knotty. Each morning it is a good 10minutes with the tangle tamer, and 5 before going out. It isn't the time however that bothers me, but the tears, crying, running away and hysterics that occur. EVERY MORNING. It kills me. Gets everyone in a bad mood.

We have tried multiple brushes, sprays, showers v no showers, leaving a bobble in. Have tried getting her to brush throughout the day or do it herself (she is a little helpless even for a 7 year old). I am at my wit's end.

We reached this point a year ago and the partner agreed, but regretted it due to the look. She rarely deals with the brushing. Before Xmas I made her brush it every day as she was refusing to get it cut, and she got annoyed with DSDs actions too.

Each morning when crying I offer DSD the 3 choices - either haircut, brush it yourself throughout the day ((no time in the morning for her anaemic attempts) or put with it. She is consistenpy asking for a haircut and now saying that I don't take her when she asks for one.

When done last time she liked it until was told repeatedly by partner that she didn't.

I am at the point where for my early morning sanity I would prefer to take a week or 2 of silent treatment to save DSD pain and agitation each morning - or AIBU?

I've found plaiting at night helps massively/ and plaiting during the day. Doesn't get knotty!

If it's thick, don't cut it short. It'll end up like a bush and be impossible to live with. My parents convinced me to have mine cut short as a teenager and I've never had it short since as is was a complete disaster. Keep it plaited like others have said, will end up taking no time at all after practise.

You need to plait her hair every night. If you don't know how to do plaits, I'm sure there will be a tutorial on YouTube. Do not leave her hair in a ponytail or unbrushed. Long hair needs to be managed at bedtime or it's a tangled mess in the morning - especially if the child is a restless sleeper. x

When I was a child around 7 I used to have the same issue with my hair. I cried and hated my mum brushing it. I chose to have it cut and loved it! My mum would have preferred it long. However even at 7 I said my hair my choice. Also I was grown up enough to realise it grows back.

If your DSD wants it cut support her to get it cut. It's her hair not her mum's (your partners). She can dislike it all she wants as long as your DSD likes it.

Also mention to DSD though that if she doesn't like it will grow back and she will start having to figure out alternative ways to manage it herself or her mum (your partner) can plait it once the twins are asleep before they go to bed.

I can’t plait hair. I just can’t do it. I have followed every you tube tutorial going. I honestly think I have mild dyspraxia.

Women who can French plait and do GHD curls are the alpha females.

Definitely plait, hair down at any length gets knotty, so cutting it will not necessarily stop all the issues. 7 is very young to brush her hair herself, I say this as a female and as a mum of three girls.
If it's bothering you get her mum to do it, no one likes brushing knots out. ALL children make a fuss of getting their hair brushed (even my 10 yr old son with v v short hair!), and it makes you feel bad so don't do it.
Even with young twins the mum can spend the time doing her daughters hair (this from personal experience too), plus if this is something she always used to do, and now isn't after the babies, it could be upsetting/confusing for the child.

We had the same problem with DD aged 7. Very stressful every morning. Eventually we cut it into a bob. Best thing ever.

If DH had refused to let me do it he would have been dealing with the hysterics.

Is she actually wanting it cut though, or are you pressurising her by things like "it would be much easier for you" "you'd look lovely with your hair shorter" etc.
She may be very aware of your feelings and so be saying cut it to try and please you.
Also if you aren't going to cut it, then why are you giving her that as an option in the morning?
Plaiting in the evening makes huge difference, and if you wet plait it then you often don't need to redo it in the morning.

I'm definitely not an alpha female, French plaiting was about the only thing I did ever manage to do . @MissyCooper, even bog-standard plaits, just dividing the hair into three strands and crossing them over each other? Maybe it is one of those things that are harder to learn when you're an adult, like knitting, as you need to just do it without thinking about it too much.

2 DDs with insanely self tangling knotty long hair here and I can confirm that combing or using a tangle teezer after washing, plaiting while damp and sleeping on a silk pillowcase (Amazon not expensive) have saved my sanity over the years.

1. Never brush from the top, always brush from the bottom.
2. Brush hair before washing it
3. Don't use hair ties overnight, they create knots. Either plait or leave loose.
4. NEVER. BRUSH. FROM. THE. TOP.

Sorry haven’t read past the first page. Is the brush you’re using an official Tangle Teezer or a cheaper brand based on the same thing?
The cheaper ones are no where near as good, my daughter has curly hair which is a complete birds nest and the only thing that works is either the Wet Brush Pro or tangle teezer, must be tied up for bed and a silk pillow case is also a really good tip.
Have you tried a hair doughnut? You can get them from the £shop it’s literally doughnut shaped, tie hair up in a pony tail and then thread the hair through it - so easy and can be slept in so In the morning very little to no lugs and just repeat again.

And gosh yes - as the poster has written above me, start from the bottom and get those knots out first!

Is her hair very curly?
Brushing is a no go.
Comb and conditioner when wet.
Don't cut it short.

Plaiting is easiest if you put hair in a pony tail and then just plait the pony tail and stick another hairband round the bottom.

AABarf is right.
Ponytail & then plait the tail.

Use a decent shampoo and conditioner.

Comb through immediately after washing.

Dry and then plait before bedtime and re-plait for school.

If your wife can't teach you how to plait then ask a friend or look up YouTube, it’s incredibly easy.

Silk pillowcase for DSD.

Get it trimmed regularly too.