AIBU wanting to cut DSD hair?

[Reallyevilmuffin]

DSD is 7, and I really want her to have a haircut. Her hair is lovely, a bit longer than shoulder length. This is nothing to do with the way it looks however. I do every school run each morning, and each evening activity getting her out of the house. My partner looks after the baby twins mainly whilst I do this. We have been together 5 years and DSD is treated as mine.

Her hair gets very knotty. Each morning it is a good 10minutes with the tangle tamer, and 5 before going out. It isn't the time however that bothers me, but the tears, crying, running away and hysterics that occur. EVERY MORNING. It kills me. Gets everyone in a bad mood.

We have tried multiple brushes, sprays, showers v no showers, leaving a bobble in. Have tried getting her to brush throughout the day or do it herself (she is a little helpless even for a 7 year old). I am at my wit's end.

We reached this point a year ago and the partner agreed, but regretted it due to the look. She rarely deals with the brushing. Before Xmas I made her brush it every day as she was refusing to get it cut, and she got annoyed with DSDs actions too.

Each morning when crying I offer DSD the 3 choices - either haircut, brush it yourself throughout the day ((no time in the morning for her anaemic attempts) or put with it. She is consistenpy asking for a haircut and now saying that I don't take her when she asks for one.

When done last time she liked it until was told repeatedly by partner that she didn't.

I am at the point where for my early morning sanity I would prefer to take a week or 2 of silent treatment to save DSD pain and agitation each morning - or AIBU?

my DD is 9 she has waist length hair she hates having the knots combed out so it is plaited 95% of time including overnight

Ponytails will always get knotty so I think choices are get hair cut ( it will still get knotty a bit) or keep it in plait

plaiting is easy divide hair into 3, left over centre, right over centre repeat takes less than 1 minute
french braiding/ dutch pleat is a bit harder but you tube is your friend
after washing comb while wet then plait it is easier to sleep with one back plait as side plaits you lie on them when you lie on your side

Honestly, I couldn't stand the crying and running away either.

DSD needs to learn to brush it. With practise her arms will get stronger and she'll get better at it, the same as practising anything.

You can learn to plait it from YouTube. It's easy. Plait it from wet and it will be easier to learn.

I think it’s unfair to have to do this if your DSD wants her own haircut though. It’s not like her hair will go from Rapunzel locks to a buzzcut (I assume), just a few inches shorter.

If her mum wont allow it she has to deal with the brushing herself.

Plaiting works well, especially overnight to make mornings easier. It's really not difficult with a bit of practice. If the ends are damaged I'd say trim then plaiting as damaged ends will look messy and contribute massively to knots.

Also, do you start brushing a little way up from the bottom, getting progressively higher as you clear the ends of knots? If you start by the scalp you're going to end up with massive gathers of knots and damage the hair, which will then lead to more knots. Always respect the scalp to tip direction of the hair shaft to keep it smooth. Shampoo only the scalp and hair next to it, whilst trying not to create tangles moving hair round. Never pile hair on head and foam up like on adverts! Rinse well. Condition the length of the hair and comb through. Leave on for a few minutes, rinse well. Gently squeeze excess water out, scalp to tip, then gently squeeze in a towel. Never rub with the towel. Leave to dry naturally in preference to blow dry where possible. My daughter has bum length hair and these are things that help.

Have you tried brushing the ends first and then moving up the hair slightly, then moving further and further up brushing through until you get to the top.- it was a revelation when I brushed my daughter's hair this way. The tears and complaints stopped instantly.

Just be aware that a shorter bob can still get very tangled but then you've removed your option for plaiting and it can end up hanging in their face more, which then requires hairbands or clasps etc. Hair can be such a PITA and i've found plaiting to be the best solution. It can be done in a minute and stays in for a long time, she might like the waves it produces too.

What is her hair like ? Is it curly ? Straight?

I’m Indian and have hair that turns into locks and so knots really easily. The following steps should ensure she doesn’t get tangles in her hair:

1. Wash her hair with silicone free shampoo and conditioner (Ogyx’s ranges, from Boots, are mild enough to be used on a child). With a wide tooth comb, gentle comb her hair once you’ve applied conditioner — this should tease knots out with minimum pain.

1. While the hair is wet spray liberally with leave in conditioner (Aussie have a good brand, you can find it in boots) and comb this through with a wide tooth comb.

1. Dry the hair as quickly as possible using a cold setting on the hairdryer.

1. At night use a tangle-teezer on her and if needed plait her hair to prevent knots. If you get any knots a day or two after washing spray with leave in conditioner and comb out with a wide tooth comb.

DD3 has piles and piles of very fine hair. Plaiting it / leaving it in a bobble over night actually makes it worse.

What helps is using masses of conditioner when I wash it.

Hers is almost waist length but after much angst we are both in agreement she will be happier with it cut back to a chin length bob like her sister. If you don't add a fringe then it will grow back in no time if she hates it.

If my DH were insisting she keep her long hair then he would be dealing with it and the tears.

Wetbrush and brush from the bottom up. Study some YouTube tutorials on French/Dutch braids.

Every night wash it and use adult conditioner, leave it to soak in for a couple of minutes, rinse it properly, brush it through, dry it then spray with detangler & then plait it before bed, the next morning take the plait out, spray again with detangler & brush though, make sure she keeps it in bobbles all day too.

I have long thick hair and if I dont plait it at night it takes an age to detangle in the morning. Get her mother to plait it, learn how to plait it yourself or get it cut. Brushing out tangles is painful and not fair to a little girl.

For thick hair its best longer, talking for myself and my 2 daughters. its more hassle shorter.

I agree with others plaiting is the way to go, you tube have loads of tutorials. lots of conditioner and detangle brushes and plait before bed and it should be ok in the morning.

Your partner doesn't want it cut i understand that but perhaps thinned out rather than shortened would be good compromise

French plait. It's easy once you know how.
Comb the dry hair with a wide-toothed (or afro) comb then do a tight french plait.
Tie with a non-snagging elasticated band.

It looks pretty, stays in place and should comb out easily.

Olso, try a silk pillowcase. Worked for a friend and her long haired daughter.

Google search for videos on how to do plaits. That's what I had to do.

Plait it before she goes to bed (or when it’s wet) and it won’t be able to get tangled overnight.

Once you cut it shorter it will be too short to plait and even more unmanageable

My DD is the same, hates having her hair brushed and it's always incredibly knotty. She cries and screams and is generally a nightmare.

I don't think a hair cut will help as the hair will still get knotty and it will be harder to brush if it's shorter

What I find helps is dividing the hair into sections and grasping it tight in one hand while I brush with the other, this means that when I catch a knot it pulls my hand and not DD's head (IYSWIM) start at the bottom and work your way towards the head.

Just talk to your partner and ask her to be more positive about getting a haircut. I let my daughters choose for themselves the length of their hair.

DD has waist length hair. She gets 10 mins to do it herself in the morning and then I go over it quickly and put it up.

You have to do some research into how to look after her type of hair, something isn’t right if it is tangled beyond redemption every night and no kind of product helps. DDs hair is prone to tangling but we did find particular conditioners help.

One tip is, when you have a tuggy bit, hold the hair in a bunch with your hand between the tug and her head, and just do little brush strokes on the actual tug, that really reduces the pull on her scalp and should reduce any pain. If you are anything like OH, you start at the top and drag the brush down and that does make it feel worse.

I agree with others who have pointed out that women aren’t born with the knowledge of how to do girl’s hair, but be fair, most women will have had long hair at some point in their life so have had a lifetime’s practice. Not a tricky thing to learn basic pleating, though. OH is fully hands on but DD’s hair isn’t something he is very good at. He’s had a go at learning, but hasn’t managed to become particularly good at it. That said, I’m not exactly brilliant at doing it neatly either, never mastered the skill even on my own hair.

Encouraging her to look after her own hair is important but if she wants it cut, her mum should be taking that on board.

Plaiting it at night would really help! It’s simple to do or maybe your partner could do it to make your life easier in the morning. It takes seconds! My daughters hair is crazy curly so I know how you feel 😩. I’ve attached a video on how to plait in case that helps. Also I’ve just invested in a cap called a silke to wear at night. It’s prixey at £45 (I’m sure there are cheaper ones around) but I have to say it’s really amazing and definitely works. Good luck!!

www.silkelondon.com/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIhYOl1c3g3wIVVIfVCh0xgAFwEAAYASAAEgIuDfD_BwE

m.youtube.com/watch?v=D0s27jteJFk

a straightforward plait is easy, and a lifesaver for issues like this - with practice you'll find it easy & get quicker - it really is worth the effort to save the tears.

If you find you enjoy it, you can experiment with the more complicated ones, but we mostly do 2 plain low plaits to save tangles

WHY CAnt she a short hair style? Nobody needs this stress.