AIBU wanting to cut DSD hair?

[Reallyevilmuffin]

DSD is 7, and I really want her to have a haircut. Her hair is lovely, a bit longer than shoulder length. This is nothing to do with the way it looks however. I do every school run each morning, and each evening activity getting her out of the house. My partner looks after the baby twins mainly whilst I do this. We have been together 5 years and DSD is treated as mine.

Her hair gets very knotty. Each morning it is a good 10minutes with the tangle tamer, and 5 before going out. It isn't the time however that bothers me, but the tears, crying, running away and hysterics that occur. EVERY MORNING. It kills me. Gets everyone in a bad mood.

We have tried multiple brushes, sprays, showers v no showers, leaving a bobble in. Have tried getting her to brush throughout the day or do it herself (she is a little helpless even for a 7 year old). I am at my wit's end.

We reached this point a year ago and the partner agreed, but regretted it due to the look. She rarely deals with the brushing. Before Xmas I made her brush it every day as she was refusing to get it cut, and she got annoyed with DSDs actions too.

Each morning when crying I offer DSD the 3 choices - either haircut, brush it yourself throughout the day ((no time in the morning for her anaemic attempts) or put with it. She is consistenpy asking for a haircut and now saying that I don't take her when she asks for one.

When done last time she liked it until was told repeatedly by partner that she didn't.

I am at the point where for my early morning sanity I would prefer to take a week or 2 of silent treatment to save DSD pain and agitation each morning - or AIBU?

DD has waist length hair. She brushes it out by starting bottom up, it can take her a good 10 minutes to be completely brushed. She uses a good conditioner, with some hair oil in when wet after washing.

I have limited knowledge of how to manage girl hair other than brush and then either let down or ponytail.

Learn. My RSI flared up and DH learnt. DD is 7 and has hair down to her waist.
Every night after bath/hairwashing her hair gets plaited. TBH this is a good habit to get into anyway as it will help stop nits if she's at school.

Regular trims make long hair easier to manage. She needs a cut that gets rid of the damaged ends. Then going forward, get it trimmed about 1/2 an inch regularly until it is the desired length. Then you can space it out a little longer and do 1 inch trims.

Also be sure she is using a separate conditioner in the shower and it should stay in for several minutes before being rinsed our.

I am stepdad, I have limited knowledge of how to manage girl hair other than brush and then either let down or ponytail. No idea how to plait or anything.

Now that's just silly. Some of 'ballet dads' do far better hair than I do every week. My DH can whip up a passable bun in no time, and does both DD's hair as much as I do. If you don't know where to start, search for daughters hair for dads on YouTube.

Although to be honest I prefer short hair on girls. 8yo DD1 has a graduated bob and she looks fabulous.

I think the problem is your partner isn't helping to fix the problem. If she can't be arse to make sure her DD doesn't have 10 mins of painful hair brushing in the morning by sticking a plait in her hair when you are not at home, then things aren't great!
Either get your partner to pitch in and help fix the problem for your dsd and her DD or tell her not to winge about the hair cut.

Not sure which is the husband or wife but whoever is against the hair being cut should be the one to bloody brush it.

Comb it when it's got conditioner in.
Put a bit of conditioner on as a leave in.
Leave to dry and plait over night.

I really don’t understand why your partner can’t help out with DSD hair, if she wants her to keep it long. It’s bloody Does she actually do anything with her daughter if she’s in bed before her at night??

OP if your DP can’t be bothered to do her own daughters hair at night, offer to watch the Babies in the morning whilst she brushes her hair.

I am brushing right from the top, it seemed the obvious way to brush. I will try differently now though!

Nooooooooooo, a life of pain already!

Please do try working from end of tail up with opposing paw buffering the detangling action. It works.
Routine micro-trims help with condition of hair - cream clips & beard trimmers are useful here.
Too frequent washing dries the hair out & roughs up scales of hair shaft. In Auntie’s day, a weekly Vosene was good enough.
Supplementary bristle brush smooths down scales of hair shaft & works natural oils down to ends. A drop of hair oil on the brush (not the hair) helps. I rather like Liz Earle’s hair oil, but it is pricey. Others above have suggested argon oil which sounds good.

Like everyday shaving, everyday long hair care has a set of principles which make all the difference to what could be a tiresome chore fraught with ouchey mishaps into pleasing self-care, grooming & a bit of tonsorial (?) !

If my dad could do it & get great results, you can too.
In his later years, he taught me the principles of a good clean shave, & although I was very reluctant to draw a blade across his chin, I went out of my way to buy the blades, shave soap & skin cream he really liked so his care assistant could do the job well.

Ah, the little grooming rituals we have, still a bunch of apes at heart !

Anyone know the collective noun for apes?

I digress...

I meant the situation with your partner not wanting to help out, or sort her own daughters hair at night is bloody bizzar!

*CREA clips.
creaproducts.com/
creaproducts.com/pages/kidshair
Try Amazon UK for considerably cheaper generic products.
Oh so, gender typically pink for yr DSD ;-)
www.amazon.co.uk/takestop%C2%AE-Trimmer-Cutting-Professional-Straight/dp/B07HGGFMR3/ref=sr_1_15?keywords=creaclip+for+hair+cut&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1547043725&sr=8-15

*EAC - ‘effin’ auto correct.

Have a look on youtube OP www.youtube.com/user/DadsDoHair

Hear hear. If the hair is wavy and pretty how about cutting it to shoulder length. It might look even prettier.
You could ask a hairdresser to show you or your wife how to do different hairstyles like plaits, buns and pigtails
I remember the hairbrushing when i was a child - it hurt. Use an afro comb.
to comb 'from the ends to the roots' -
hold a section of hair and comb from about 3cm from the ends to the ends.
Still holding on the the section, comb from about 6cm from the ends to the ends.
Repat until you are combing from the roots to the tip then move to a new section.

I woundn't be slathering conditioners and sprays on a young child. Get the mother on board for a more manageable haircut.

Precision Dad pony technique -

One day...

For the twins...

I think your partner sounds more of a problem than the hair to be honest...

A bit of practice and this is quite quick and looks great www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Fishtail-Braid

DH sometimes puts DDs hair in a ponytail and does the plait using this method. It looks lovely and the school mums have asked me how I do it. They always say wow when I say DH does it not me

I do agree that the person who wants the child's hair long should be the one to manage it/style it. It's not fair that both you and your daughter are suffering because your partner won't involve herself with caring for it but insists on it being long.

My dd is like this and it turns out she had a very sensitive scalp that makes any form of brushing seem like I’m performing and exorcism. She now has a very VERY short bob.

I agree that it actually sounds like the partner is the issue here.
Op can't plait the daughter's hair in the evenings because he isn't there. Why can't the Mum plait her hair? It takes approx 1 minute to do. Is she spending any time with her daughter? It could be a good opportunity for them to spend a little time together. I appreciate you say that you now have twins together (which is clearly going to be hard work) but make sure your stepdaughter isn't left feeling a bit left out from her Mums affections.

Is she really going to bed before her 7 year old daughter and whilst you are at work? Doesn't anyone put the 7 year old to bed, read her a story etc? It doesn't paint a great picture to be honest.

Brush from the bottom in clumps.
Use one of the specialist tangle tamers (there are a few about now - think we have a sample of each!) .
Conditioner on before washing hair (this for us was a game changer), brush through if possible or just leave to soak in for a few minutes, then shampoo, then more conditioner.

Don't rough towel dry.
Argon oil - you only need a tiny bit and the bottles last for ages.
Spray on detangler.
A plait helps in this house.

If it's only about shoulder length now then how short were you planning to cut it?

To be fair I've seen little girls with very dated short haircuts that make them look like they're 45 or even 80...If the haircut last year was some sort of pageboy or very stacked Kate Gosselin type bob then I could see why her mother didn't like it.

Either the mother needs to do the hair herself, or you all need to decide upon a nice short style that you all are agreed upon. That being said, her hair is only medium length now and it's quite unusual that hair that length is this problematic. I suspect if a hairstyle like this is causing so much bother its not much to do with the length but the texture and cutting it to, say, a chin length bob might not solve the problem. Her hair would just be matted to the scalp and too short to tie back or plait which should otherwise be helpful. And seriously, start brushing from the ends up!

The idea that every short haircut makes you look 45 is utterly bizarre. Plenty of little girls have short cuts and look great - and absolutely look their age.

Plaiting is easy but I wouldnt bother with a frech braid. If her mother doesnt want it cut, she should be the one to manage it. You can plait everynight and use a spray in conditioner, but really short is easier. Long hair is high maintenance and unless mother does it she cant grumble

@SaturdayNext I didn't say every short haircut makes someone look 45...I said I've seen some little girls with short haircuts that are inappropriate for their age and if that was the case I can understand why the mother didn't like the "look" as OP has repeatedly mentioned. I later said to find a short haircut they are all in agreement with which shows I'm not opposed in any way to females of any age having short hair.

This...was the kind of thing I meant

goo.gl/images/p6Qz51