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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

shop refused to serve me?!!?

405 replies

elliesm98 · 08/01/2019 21:19

I'm 32 weeks pregnant, OH lost his ID in November and hasn't ordered a new one yet as we are using all our spare money for this baby.
Now, OH smokes and because we are both 20 it is impossible to get served without ID, so i've been going in the shop for him. I usually get them in Tesco or get them delivered with online shopping, but popped into the co-op on our way home earlier, asked for his usual and the cashier loudly said 'I can't serve you, you're pregnant and shouldn't be smoking' in front of all the other customers making me feel embarassed. AIBU to think that this was unprofessional of him and he has no right to comment on what im buying!! maybe i'm just getting emotional about it because of hormones. I mean is he legally allowed to refuse to serve me ?

OP posts:
GunpowderGelatine · 08/01/2019 23:33

OP you definitely need ID to register a baby in England, check out your local councils website as for ours you didn't need photo ID necessarily

Am I the only one who thought replacement drivers licences were free? They definitely used to be!

BlueCornishPixie · 08/01/2019 23:41

God some posters are such arseholes!

He was being a dick, it's your body and your money. He had no idea who you were buying them for and frankly it was none of his business. If I'd been in the queue I wouldn't have been thinking "what an outspoken hero" I would be thinking "what a twat".

What about selling crisps to overweight people? Mcdonalds? Not even obese people just a little overweight
Or alcohol?

Chocolate to people with fillings?

Fruitjuice to parents?
It could literally never end.

I spend all day telling people to stop smoking, and I wish everyone would. But I'm not a judgemental dickhead. It's not as simple as pestering someone to stop smoking, if it was no one would smoke.

MaryDollNesbitt · 08/01/2019 23:55

You’re right, Rosehip, they can. And bullshit like this might fly if you’re the owner/manager of some little Indy corner shop and therefore Master of your own Universe. However, when you work for a national supermarket chain in an increasingly competitive and uncertain retail environment, you’d better make damn sure you have a solid and justified reason for refusing service to a customer who has done absolutely nothing wrong, as well as the complete and utter backing and support from management. You would have to be a total moron to refuse service to a pregnant lady simply because she was, shock horror, pregnant. Which is fundamentally what has happened here.

MeredithGrey1 · 08/01/2019 23:58

Much as it is distasteful seeing pregnant women engage in behaviour that poses a heath risk to their babies, creating legislation that effectively treats them as a secondary vessel to the child they carry would be far more distasteful imo, and a very slippery slope

And The idea that pregnant women are public property and can be subjected to unwanted advice and opinions is extremely dangerous.

Could not agree with these more.

WellBHoise · 08/01/2019 23:59

This thread is going well.
OP, have a read/talk to your midwife about passive smoking. It’s recommended that your BF doesn’t hold the baby, even after going outside to smoke, he would need to remove at least one layer of clothing.

Blueblueyellow · 09/01/2019 00:01

PickAChew get a grip.
Op that's so rude of the cashier, I'd be going back in with your partner to speak to the manger. What a twat, some pp mentioned noticing men behaving more arsey while pregnant I've noticed this too.People think you are a free for all to judge. I'd be pissed off if it happened to me.

SaturdayNext · 09/01/2019 00:07

The cashier may have actually discriminated against you ( which is illegal ) if they didn’t sell you cigarettes on the basis that you are pregnant

That could actually be a fascinating legal argument. Discrimination is defined as treating someone less favourably because of a protected characteristic. There's an argument to be made that refusing to sell something that the government actually requires you to print a health warning on isn't in the least unfavourable.

quizqueen · 09/01/2019 00:10

The rudest thing is that people who smoke think it's okay to go around polluting everyone else's airspace stinking like an old ashtray!

ARhythmlessMan · 09/01/2019 00:12

It’s recommended that your BF doesn’t hold the baby, even after going outside to smoke, he would need to remove at least one layer of clothing Is based on nothing more than scaremongering and making smoking socially unacceptable, nothing to do with science.
Air pollution is responsible for thousands of documented deaths every year but no one advocates changing/washing clothes before handling a baby if they've been in the "fresh" air. Funny that.

Rosehip10 · 09/01/2019 00:16

@ARhythmlessMan smoking is socially unacceptable.

WellBHoise · 09/01/2019 00:20

What she said.

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/01/2019 00:20

Well the thicko nethuns are out in force....

Howhot · 09/01/2019 00:26

If you're not married he will need ID to register the birth.

altiara · 09/01/2019 00:26

Well I would’ve either
-made a big fuss asking for the “legal” reason for not serving me or
-done a happy dance because now DP has to give up smoking as neither of you can be served cigarettes and you get to save money!!

PickAChew · 09/01/2019 00:26

A grip of what? Op stated she was young. A shop could get into trouble selling cigarettes to someone underage, even if they can't refuse on grounds of pregnancy. Her dp has faffed on for 2 months, not getting his I'd replaced, so he can't buy his cigarettes. Maybe he needs to grow up a bit and sort it out.

FuckingYuleLog · 09/01/2019 00:34

Am I on the wrong thread here? Because most people seem to be answering the question ‘is my dp being unreasonable to smoke?’ which the op hasn’t asked and doesn’t want opinions on.

Concernedmamab · 09/01/2019 00:35

It's a false equivalence to compare this to cashiers refusing to serve chocolate / cheese to a fat person!! You can't get passively overweight

joanmcc · 09/01/2019 00:37

Well done shop assistant. Will shop at co-op tomorrow.

FuckingYuleLog · 09/01/2019 00:39

What about refusing to serve a pg person a bottle of wine they are buying as a gift?
I’m pretty sure that refusing service on the basis of sex and by extension pregnancy is actually illegal!

Jenny17 · 09/01/2019 00:47

What about selling crisps to overweight people? Mcdonalds? Not even obese people just a little overweight
Or alcohol?

None of these can cause cancer or respiratory disease to passive smokers who do not have a choice. A bit like OPs baby.

I don't know where it stands legally but will assure you that it will be hard to get legal representation and the backlash will be immense. Can you imagine daily mail headlines?

FuckingYuleLog · 09/01/2019 00:52

Alcohol can cause foetal alcohol syndrome!

FuckingYuleLog · 09/01/2019 00:54

I wouldn’t be pursuing it legally in the ops position but I’d certainly be tweeting Co-op and asking for clarification about what they are willing to sell to pregnant women in their shops.

Ariesgirl1988 · 09/01/2019 00:56

just wow at how judgemental most of these posts are! I hope those of you preaching about smoking are completely perfect and without flaws! rather than harp on about OP other half smoking (she didn't ask you for your opinions on that) why not actually talk about the topic which is how damn rude and discriminatory the cashier was! I'm sure you wouldn't be judging and going on if she bought alcohol for him instead Hmm

OP I would go back and ask to see the manager and make a complaint or failing that go on social media and post it on co-op's web page I'm sure they'll soon reply to you because technically that is discrimination it is not illegal to sell cigarettes to a pregnant woman and he had no right to judge and assume they were for you and even if it was its none of his damn business, if his opinion is so strong that it interfere's with his job then simple solution don't work there Hmm his job is to sell the co-op's items not be judge and jury on his customers what a tool

nocoolnamesleft · 09/01/2019 00:58

It is an issue. For the baby's health.

Schmoobarb · 09/01/2019 01:03

Actually I don't think the shop keeper was BU about time more people took a stand. Your partner smoking is increasing the risk of SIDS and numerous other things. Your partner is the unreasonable one here.

Even if she was going home to smoke them all herself and follow up with a chaser of a bottle of vodka it STILL wouldn’t have been reasonable for the shop assistant to comment. No one, not least of all a shop assistant, has the right to police what an autonomous capable woman does with her body, pregnant or not. It’s not their place to “take a stand”.

OP, YANBU but your partner could do with quitting fags and the pair of you could do with growing up a bit. Good luck with the baby.