shop refused to serve me?!!?

[elliesm98]

I'm 32 weeks pregnant, OH lost his ID in November and hasn't ordered a new one yet as we are using all our spare money for this baby.
Now, OH smokes and because we are both 20 it is impossible to get served without ID, so i've been going in the shop for him. I usually get them in Tesco or get them delivered with online shopping, but popped into the co-op on our way home earlier, asked for his usual and the cashier loudly said 'I can't serve you, you're pregnant and shouldn't be smoking' in front of all the other customers making me feel embarassed. AIBU to think that this was unprofessional of him and he has no right to comment on what im buying!! maybe i'm just getting emotional about it because of hormones. I mean is he legally allowed to refuse to serve me ?

@MarilynSlumroe
Personally no, I wouldn't be ok with putting that in my body, that's my choice, but I don't think that means I have the right to dictate what another woman does with hers, presuming she has the facts and is aware of the risk, I don't see how that is my business. I doubt very much she would be refused service for said bottle of vodka and as the OP isn't even putting it (smoke) in her body anyway I don't see why it's even relevant.

@elliesm98
The shopkeeper was rude and had no reason not to serve you, for that you should complain to head office and he should be re-trained.
That said, your dp smoking even outside is adding risk to your baby. Unless he showers and changes after each fag, the risk of SIDS is increased, especially in summer when windows are open and the smoke drifts inside.
It is an unpleasant and expensive habit, which if you have to save to afford a baby, is a luxury you cannot afford.
Alcohol does not directly increase risk to children e.g. risk is from actions of intoxicated person but smoking does do direct harm to growing lungs and respiratory systems.
If you are young maybe try and put your new arrival first and kick the habit before it becomes a chore to change

I’m not going to keep nagging at him and force him to quit smoking, what is that going to achieve? He will quit when he wants to and it’s not an issue for us.

It will be an issue for your baby even if he smokes outside (smoke hangs around on people's clothes and breath) and, if money is short he should grow up and give up

I wonder how different these comments would be if it was me going to pick up his weekly crate of beer. I doubt there would be an issue there

They’re very different issues as your newborn would not be affected by second hand alcohol, it doesn’t pick it up by osmosis.

I do think the shopkeeper was wrong but your DP doesn’t sound like a keeper.

YANBU OP Shop geeezer was being a twat, but it seems he's far from being alone in terms of the numbers of twats ready to make sanctimonious busy-body decisions and judgements on your behalf.

I don't think the OP should be getting flamed for this. Please remember that she's 20 and pregnant.

@MarilynSlumroe I think 'unborn' is the operative word. I don't think you can police what a woman does with her body pregnant or not, once the baby is born it's a different kettle of fish.
Heroin is illegal, so no I wouldn't think it's ok to be on drugs and breastfeeding or on drugs and pregnant, or on drugs at all.
Intervention by health professionals, social services or where applicable a MH team when there is severe risk or concern for welfare, yes. Intervention by random dude in supermarket, unhelpful, judgmental and nasty comments on Internet forum- absolutely not.

Although I will say that I completely agree with PPs that say that her OH shouldn't be smoking. That goes without saying.

OP, try and get your OH into vaping. I know it's not the best but it'll be a whole lot better (obviously only outside) and is substantially cheaper.

He also needs a new ID.

pregnant women's bodies become public property.
When I was pregnant with our eldest girl, I went to the pub for lunch with work colleagues and before I even opened my mouth to talk, the bar man (and pub owner) said he assumed it was a Diet Coke or a J20 as I was pregnant! I was gobsmacked

Can’t believe that some people on here think that a shops right to refuse service gives them the right to discriminate. So basically you’re saying it’s fine for a shop assistant in Tesco/Co-op or wherever to tell a customer they won’t sell them something they can legally buy because they’re black? That’s obvious bollocks and the link from CAB further up spells out that it is unlawful specifically to refuse to sell cigarettes to a woman because she’s pg yet people are still posting that it’s not the case. You are on the internet! If you don’t know something look it up and stop embarrassing yourself!
The only reason the Christian shopkeeper in the gay cake case was allowed to refuse service was because they, successfully in the end, argued that forcing them to go against their beliefs would be discriminating against them as their religion was also a protected characteristic in the same way the customers sexuality was. The case dragged on so long is because it basically had to be decided what course of action was reasonable when both selling the cake and not selling the cake involved discriminating against someone.

@MarilynSlumroe Reporting to relevant authorities in the instance that I was concerned for the woman's mental health yes, I am not a medical professional so would not be able to offer someone in this position appropriate help myself and judging by the "shit parents" comments on this thread I doubt many PP are either. I don't see how that is at all likely to help someone compelled to drink a bottle of vodka a day. And neither do I think telling the OP this is going to stop her OH from smoking.
In the case of someone attempting suicide, I am always of the mindset that the person is unwell, so of course I would stop them if I could and try to get them help. But someone commuting suicide and pregnant woman's OH choosing to smoke are miles away.
Quite frankly after reading some of the genuinely disgusting comments here, I couldn't care less what you think of mine. Flaming the young and pregnant OP could cause her all sorts of problems and upset, but as long as the dad doesn't smoke I guess that's fine.

All tje legal arguing is moot really.
Op.isnt taking anyone to court.

BUT

The shop assistant had no right to refuse her based on his own mysoginistic views. He is employed by the co-op to follow thier policies and procedures.
The co-op do not have a policy which says
"Humiliate and refuse to serve pregnant women cigarettes due to your own smug ideas of self importance."

She is an adult, with id, there was no reason not to serve her according to policy.

He did refuse to serve her due to a protected characteristic and when she complains to co-op it will be in thier best interests to apologise pdq and have the shop manager have a stern word with the assistant. The last thing they want is that all over social media without a response.

@MarilynSlumroe As I've said quite a few times now I am not in the position to be able to help a hypothetical woman who is pregnant and drinking a bottle of vodka a day. I do not think I have the right to lecture that woman, nor to physically take that bottle from her. Hypothetically in this instance I would be concerned for her mental health though and as I've said I would report it to relevant authorities.
I would not assume that a pregnant woman smoking or having a more occasional drink was mentally unstable and would assume she is already aware of the risks, I wouldn't think this would be my place or business or anyone else's.
Taking a bottle of vodka away from or telling the hypothetical woman she's shit isn't going to save her life or her baby's life. Stopping someone jumping on a train track and making sure they where hospitalised would, at least for the time being.

@MarilynSlumroe I do see your point and I'll admit I was hasty in saying it's always her choice, in the case of MH which I think a bottle a day would be, her choice would be clouded, but I still don't think your average person could help much in a situation like this. And I don't think smoking always means MH problem.
Would you also stop a pregnant woman eating/ buying certain fish then? Physically or otherwise? Stop her from doing heavy exercise? Using a sauna? Buying caffeine?
What about a parent buying junk food for their obese child?
Abortion?

In this case, setting a precedent that you don't sell cigarettes to a pregnant woman doesn't have any plausible harmful or dangerous consequences.*

Sorry, pressed by mistake.

In this case, setting a precedent that you don't sell cigarettes to a pregnant woman doesn't have any plausible harmful or dangerous consequences.

Actually any half decent lawyer could absolutely argue that removing choices and allowing Bob down the co-op to make choices on a pregnant woman's behalf has extremely harmful and dangerous consequences. No judge in the land is going to want to set the precedent that women's choices are restricted in pregnancy. I think you are entirely wrong here

Can courts and tribunals not make an injury to feelings award in discrimination cases? Vento bands and all that?

it’s not just her body though is it? She will be damaging her child and the cost of that will be placed on the state. When you live in a welfare state you have to accept other people (whether it is the government if the people paying the taxes that go towards thevarious benefits you use) telling you what to do.

It’s still not the business of the random bloke down the co op
The government don’t TELL women not to smoke or drink. They ADVISE them. Last time I looked this was a free country and pregnant women were entitled to make their own choices, even if these are ill advised and potentially harm causing. They’re not simply there as incubators.

If bodily autonomy in the form of abortion is morally acceptable to you, so should be the freedom to smoke and drink even if you don't think it's a good idea.