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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

shop refused to serve me?!!?

405 replies

elliesm98 · 08/01/2019 21:19

I'm 32 weeks pregnant, OH lost his ID in November and hasn't ordered a new one yet as we are using all our spare money for this baby.
Now, OH smokes and because we are both 20 it is impossible to get served without ID, so i've been going in the shop for him. I usually get them in Tesco or get them delivered with online shopping, but popped into the co-op on our way home earlier, asked for his usual and the cashier loudly said 'I can't serve you, you're pregnant and shouldn't be smoking' in front of all the other customers making me feel embarassed. AIBU to think that this was unprofessional of him and he has no right to comment on what im buying!! maybe i'm just getting emotional about it because of hormones. I mean is he legally allowed to refuse to serve me ?

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 09/01/2019 09:49

CatnissEverdene, was a more reasoned reply really too much effort?

ReallyFrida · 09/01/2019 09:50

Oh and OP next time, don't let someone embarrass you. Stand right there and demand to be sold the product, it's discrimination and you want to speak to his manager.

Then don't leave till you do. When the manager gets there you might explain that it's for your boyfriend just so the assistant realises what a twat he is. www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/what-are-the-different-types-of-discrimination/pregnancy-and-maternity-discrimination/

Your pregnancy or maternity doesn’t have to be the only reason someone treats you unfavourably, as long as it’s one of the reasons. It doesn’t matter that the person treating you unfavourably didn’t mean to discriminate against you or that they were acting out of good intentions.

Example

A shopkeeper refuses to sell you cigarettes because you’re pregnant, as she’s concerned about the health risks caused by smoking in pregnancy. This is unlawful discrimination, even if the shopkeeper was acting out of good intentions.

FilthyforFirth · 09/01/2019 09:51

Love that the OP thinks you dont need ID to register a baby. Of course you bloody do!

Smoking is disgusting around babies. Well done on prioritising your partner above your baby.

emzw12 · 09/01/2019 09:55

I think shops are actually within their rights not to serve anyone anything actually. I might be wrong, but I think they can refuse to serve if they want - would look like dicks if they did and not stay in business very long but think they've still got that right.

I would say that you being pregnant is the perfect opportunity for your partner to stop smoking - there isn't a better reason in my view than to want the best for your baby. Just to know he's going to be healthier for the child's sake - e.g running around with the baby, not putting a child through watching a parent with lung cancer or copd etc.

There's lots of stop smoking support available through the nhs and it's free. I believe now there are e-cig services available on the NHS. I'm not advocating the safety of e-cigs because the knowledge base doesn't exist fully as yet, but it's seeming to be a successful method of reducing smoking.

Please don't let him be the person who stands outside the maternity doors having a fag after you've given birth. You might not mind him exposing you and your baby to his smoke, but it's not fair to expose other people and their babies to his smoke.

WorraLiberty · 09/01/2019 09:57

Please don't let him be the person who stands outside the maternity doors having a fag after you've given birth. You might not mind him exposing you and your baby to his smoke, but it's not fair to expose other people and their babies to his smoke.

She's his partner, not his mother Confused

The shop assistant had no right to refuse to serve her, unless he was following Co-op company policy.

Which as far as I'm aware, he wasn't.

ReallyFrida · 09/01/2019 09:58

Love that the OP thinks you dont need ID to register a baby. Of course you bloody do!

I love that you think the council tax bill or his birth certificate (that would work to register a baby) would work in a shop to buy cigarettes. Hmm

Willow2017 · 09/01/2019 09:58

he was just saying what everyone else in the queue would've been thinking.

Well nobody else in the queue said it loudly enough for everyone else to.hear though did they?
Nobody else in the queue thought it ok to police an adult womans purchases.
Nobody else thought it ok to publicly humiliate a pregnant woman.

Who gives one what randoms in a shop think about us anyway wtf has it got to do with them or you ?

ReallyFrida · 09/01/2019 09:59

I think shops are actually within their rights not to serve anyone anything actually. I might be wrong, but I think they can refuse to serve if they want - would look like dicks if they did and not stay in business very long but think they've still got that right.

They aren't allowed to discriminate. They can take cigarettes off the shelves because they mispriced them but can't refuse to sell items to people who can purchase them legally.

ReallyFrida · 09/01/2019 10:00

Please don't let him be the person who stands outside the maternity doors having a fag after you've given birth

Not only is she not his mother, but I tink she might have something else to be worried about herself. Maybe he can be a grown up and decide smoking on pregnant women is a bad idea? Or those women and their partners can say something at the time?

FuckingYuleLog · 09/01/2019 10:01

Pregnancy is a protected characteristic. You can no more refuse lawful service to someone who is pg than you can due to race, religion, sexuality or disability.
Women are protected from discrimination during pg as it is discrimination exclusive to women. It’s the same reason that you can’t sack someone because they are pg.

ReallyFrida · 09/01/2019 10:03

Women do the majority of household shopping.

If we stop pregnant women (or those who could be pregnant) from buying wine, cheese, certain meats and fish, it's going to get a bit of a problem.

But maybe men will start doing the majority of the shopping..hmm this might work.

silkpyjamasallday · 09/01/2019 10:05

Your partner is a dickhead for sending you out to buy his fags knowing the judgement you will encounter because you are pregnant. He could cut down just a little bit and afford an ID very quickly, but he choses not to. He should be quitting smoking anyway, but you can't make him. You should think carefully about having such a selfish person as a life partner and parent. You're getting a hard time because you're young to be pregnant on here, the demographic is much older. Flowers

WorraLiberty · 09/01/2019 10:24

Your partner is a dickhead for sending you out to buy his fags knowing the judgement you will encounter because you are pregnant.

He didn't send her anywhere. They popped into the Co-op on the way home.

Also (again) the OP is an adult woman, who I'm sure is capable of making her own decisions.

scarbados · 09/01/2019 10:34

After seeing neonates with problems cause by their selfish parents smoking during the pregnancy, I applaud the shop for taking the stand they did.

And how much is he saving 'for the baby' if he's still smoking?

AdamNichol · 09/01/2019 10:44

I despise everything to do with smoking.

However, a few years back, there was a story about a pharmacist who refused to dispense morning after pills due to religious values.
At what point do we give credence to a retailer refusing service for a legal transaction?

Aquilla · 09/01/2019 10:45

YANBU.
You judgy, viperous lot are though, eh?
That's why people hate Mumsnetters.

WorraLiberty · 09/01/2019 10:54

After seeing neonates with problems cause by their selfish parents smoking during the pregnancy, I applaud the shop for taking the stand they did.

So we're back to shop assistants refusing to sell junk food to obese pregnant women?

Shop assistants refusing to sell certain cheeses to pregnant women?

Shop assistants refusing to sell wine to pregnant women?

Why don't pregnant women just sign their bodies over to Kev from the cornershop and let him dictate everything else too?

PregnantSea · 09/01/2019 10:54

If it's the co-op then you can write about what happened and send it to customer services. He will get an absolute bollocking and hopefully you'll get an apology.

However as everyone else as said your partner should really be trying to quit. Even if he smokes outside away from the baby the chemicals cling to him, spread around the house and cause harm to the baby. Ask your doctor about it next time you're there, they will be able to explain all the infections and healthproblems it can cause.

VanGoghsDog · 09/01/2019 10:54

When the manager gets there you might explain that it's for your boyfriend

That's fine, but then presumably the shop would have to ask for his ID to show he is not underage, and he doesn't have ID.....

Blueblueyellow · 09/01/2019 11:22

Aquilla nasty stuff going on here! Really seems because of ops age, and people making presumptions about him working or not. Maybe op should come back with a middle class problem it would be better received.Waiting for the next 5 pages of, tell your bf to stop smoking... Hmm

MarilynSlumroe · 09/01/2019 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Satsumaeater · 09/01/2019 11:42

If a shop assistant has a moral problem with selling a pregnant woman cigarettes then presumably they should have a moral problem with selling them to anyone.

But they don't. It's trying to own a pregnant woman's body. As I said in my post further up, just bog off with your do-gooding. People can buy what's legal.

And no, if you provide a service, you have to provide it to all comers without discrimination. That was why the owners of the B&B in Cornwall were found to have discriminated when they refused a double room to a gay couple. If you have a problem with that, you don't provide the service at all.

I have to say I don't agree with medical staff refusing abortions/contraception either, if you want that job you provide the service. If you don't want to provide the service, do something else with your life.

None of this means that I think smoking is a good thing and I think those who indulge in it in this day and age have a screw loose. But if I worked in a shop it would be none of my business other than to make sure I didn't sell to under 18s (or follow Think 25 guidance).

Satsumaeater · 09/01/2019 11:43

And the post above mine is about the age law. It does not take into account the Equality Act.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 09/01/2019 11:45

*She's his partner, not his mother confused

The shop assistant had no right to refuse to serve her, unless he was following Co-op company policy.

Which as far as I'm aware, he wasn't.*

Exactly! If her partner wants to smoke that's his choice and is nothing to do with the issue. The issue is that the Co-op member of staff discriminated against the OP because she was pregnant. I'm 33 weeks pregnant and over christmas bought various bottles of wines as gifts and still buy my partner some if I pop in the shop in the way home, should I be refused service also?

It isn't Illegal to sell these things to pregnant women.

ReallyFrida · 09/01/2019 11:48

Don't you think there is any onus on you to do even the tiniest bit of research before spouting off what you 'reckon' as a fact?

I actually linked to a relevant link unlike age law.

Stores are not under obligation to sell their wares, but they are not under any circumstances allowed to discriminate based on a protected characteristic.

I cannot refuse to sell cigarettes to a black man because I think they shouldn't be smoking because they have a higher risker of cardiovascular conditions. You might want to return your law degree to the kinderegg where you found it.