shop refused to serve me?!!?

[elliesm98]

I'm 32 weeks pregnant, OH lost his ID in November and hasn't ordered a new one yet as we are using all our spare money for this baby.
Now, OH smokes and because we are both 20 it is impossible to get served without ID, so i've been going in the shop for him. I usually get them in Tesco or get them delivered with online shopping, but popped into the co-op on our way home earlier, asked for his usual and the cashier loudly said 'I can't serve you, you're pregnant and shouldn't be smoking' in front of all the other customers making me feel embarassed. AIBU to think that this was unprofessional of him and he has no right to comment on what im buying!! maybe i'm just getting emotional about it because of hormones. I mean is he legally allowed to refuse to serve me ?

The ID / registering the baby argument has made me laugh out loud!

Yes you need ID, passport, driving licence etc...oh but you can also use a recent utility bill confirming your address.
Unless things really have changed (all bills done online) I don't think my water bill confirms my age!

But RedRainSinister does have a point about co sleeping too.

And how honest do you think the parents were who participated about their smoking/drinking/blanket situation?!

If following the sleep 7 there is no difference in safety to a baby sleeping alone.

Unicef have very interesting stats about co-sleeping that completely debunks Reds ridiculous statement.

But I wouldn't expect anything less from someone who has admitted smoking through their pregnancies and claims that's absolutely fine, and that second and third hand smoke is basically a myth

crispysausagerolls

I’ve no idea. I’d hope that was down to those administering the study to check.

But I wouldn't expect anything less from someone who has admitted smoking through their pregnancies and claims that's absolutely fine, and that second and third hand smoke is basically a myth hmm

Oh was that the same poster? I take it back then!

The fact is (as many posters have pointed out) the OP did not ask about whether her partner should be smoking. She asked about the way she was treated in the shop, which was totally unacceptable. But people just had to pile on and start banging on about her partner being "selfish" and apparently a "shit dad" because he smokes a few cigarettes. People even started asking about whether he works. Clearly assuming this was a young couple on benefits etc, to fit in with the stereotype they had already built up in their head. Judgmental much? There's a core group of people on here (not all but some) who seem to think that only certain people "deserve" to have children. If someone deviates from being the "ideal" parents then they're seen as fair game to have a go at. The OP has done nothing wrong. Her and her partner have an agreement about smoking that works for them. She doesn't need to be told what to do.

Agree with everything in RedRainSinisters last post.

I watched this thread last night but didn't comment because it pissed me off too much.

The judgement in the first posts is absolutely palpable, 20 year old first time mum, buying "fags" for her slacker boyfriend who probably doesn't work.

It was like the hive was buzzing, but I can guarantee if she'd written than she was a 30-something pregnant professional woman picking up a bottle of expensive scotch for her husbands birthday and the liquor store refused to serve her, there would be fucking uproar about how nobody but nobody has the right to tell her what to do with her own body. And that's the absolute truth regardless if who she is and what stage she's at in life.

This thread is a prime example of Mumsnet going to the dogs. The sanctimonious bullshit is so predictable.

Her and her partner have an agreement about smoking that works for them

Lets hope it works for their DC then too hey

wonder how different these comments would be if it was me going to pick up his weekly crate of beer. I doubt there would be an issue there

Id be saying the same. If he has money to buy cigarettes then he has money to buy Id.
What about when you've had the baby, are you going to be off out straight away to buy more?
He needs to sort himself out and not rely on you.

this waiting an hour, showering, etc before holding the baby. You know it’s all bullshit right? I smoked through all my pregnancies, and through bringing up my kids. None had any problems, none of them smoke. I was brought up the same. My grandad smoked his pipe around all his 12 children and 30 odd grandchildren. Second hand smoke is wildly exaggerated.

There really are no words.

Jesus Fucking Christ what a load of sanctimonious replies!

As PPs have said already the OP did not ask Mumsnet for advice/info on her OHs smoking/employment/priorities/age!

OP yes the shop assistant was very bloody rude and you should complain, until smoking when pregnant is actually illegal shop staff should keep their opinions to themselves.

This thread is a great example of why not to post in AIBU, unless you have rhino skin to take all the judgement and vitriol.

The cashier was wrong he shouldn’t refuse on the ground your pregnant it’s none of his buisness. Pp stated he might not have served you as they were for someone else that is rubbish too you would only refuse a sale if they were someone else if they thought you were buying for someone underage- like people were hanging round outside the shop and it was obvious you were picking them up for them. Or you came In with someone and they left as your were purchashing the cigarettes to avoid having to show ID

Smoking doesn’t make someone a shit parent, being a shit parent makes someone a shit parent.

My dc’s father (my ex) smokes, he doesn’t smoke around the dc’s, he goes outside to smoke, he never smokes in the room with them. It’s not ideal but sadly I don’t get a say in it as I am no longer with him, it doesn’t really make him a shit dad does it? (He is a shit dad but not because of the smoking).

OP’s boyfriend smokes, she hasn’t said he smokes around her yet everyone assumes he does and that he will smoke around the baby. What’s to say he won’t smoke outside far away from the baby?

Missing the point of the thread a bit but I like this man! Pregnant people smoking is not okay and he is correct.! X

This thread is horrible :(
I don't understand why the OP is getting such a hard time when it's not even her that smokes and why people think she can control what her OH does.
Of course it is discrimination. It is no ones business what any pregnant woman legally does with her own body.
And smoking does not automatically equate to bad parent. Of course it's not ideal, but don't know who has the right to judge as I'm yet to meet a perfect parent and most of the parents I do know have a few drinks in the evening, obviously all of those who drink when in care of a child are also terrible parents who shouldn't have kids.
Poor OP. 20 yrs old with her first child and already she is being labelled and judged.

Pregnant people smoking is not okay and he is correct

Pregnant PEOPLE?

The OP doesn't smoke. She is old enough to buy cigarettes. No, the man in the shop was not correct. Pregnant WOMEN decide what they are going to buy without interference from do-gooding busybodies.

we are using all our spare money for this baby.. *Apart from the money he's wasting on cigarettes?

Yep- this ^

Hi .
*
I think a lot of people here ( including the cashier ) are perhaps falling into a trap of forming opinions about you and your lifestyle and your partners smoking habit .*

Forming an opinion based on the OP's statement, they're skint but he can still buy fags.

Providing contraception/abortion is in no way comparable to selling cigarettes. What a joke

In this case they are as they affect women. It is always women who are discriminated against (except in the case of the gay couple). Noticed that?

How about substituting condoms for cigarettes? Ever known anyone refuse to sell those? Thought not. Yet it's ok to refuse to prescribe the Pill? Oh yeah my religious beliefs stop me prescribing or dispensing the Pill but go right ahead and buy condoms because you're a man.

Poor OP. 20 yrs old with her first child and already she is being labelled and judged

Exactly. That's why I wrote my first post. So people could fling their judgement at me instead of OP. All the sanctimonious replies were really getting on my nerves. I could understand it more if OP smoked herself, and even then that would be 100% her choice but she's not even the smoker! Ah well, its great there's so many people on here that get parenting right 100% of the time

Protected characteristics are there to protect people from being sacked, left homeless, unable to access medical care, that sort of thing

And access to buildings www.theguardian.com/uk/2009/nov/20/rbs-loses-wheelchair-access-appeal. And access to B&B accommodation. and access to products. Not just the things you say. Services are not defined in relation to the categories you claim them to be.

And I suspect one day there WILL be a case brought by a pregnant woman because they are fed up of being told what to do and what they can buy.

You are missing the really blindingly obvious question which is what harm is caused if someone is unable to buy cigarettes

It is not a case of harm. Was there harm caused when a gay couple were unable to stay in one B&B because the owners didn't want a gay couple sharing a bed when there were 101 other B&Bs in the area they could have stayed in (it was Cornwall so plenty of accommodation)? Not really. It's the principle that you cannot discriminate against someone based on a protected characteristic. Whether or not you consider there to be harm is not relevant (except to the possible compensation payable).

The law does not distinguish between essential services and those which are not essential (or potentially dangerous).