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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

shop refused to serve me?!!?

405 replies

elliesm98 · 08/01/2019 21:19

I'm 32 weeks pregnant, OH lost his ID in November and hasn't ordered a new one yet as we are using all our spare money for this baby.
Now, OH smokes and because we are both 20 it is impossible to get served without ID, so i've been going in the shop for him. I usually get them in Tesco or get them delivered with online shopping, but popped into the co-op on our way home earlier, asked for his usual and the cashier loudly said 'I can't serve you, you're pregnant and shouldn't be smoking' in front of all the other customers making me feel embarassed. AIBU to think that this was unprofessional of him and he has no right to comment on what im buying!! maybe i'm just getting emotional about it because of hormones. I mean is he legally allowed to refuse to serve me ?

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 09/01/2019 09:12

What 'ID' anyway?

I assume the shop assistant thought they weren't for you and that therefore you were buying for someone else and, as you are young, they didn't know if that person might be underage.

They can refuse to serve anyone.

There's no need for them to be rude though.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 09/01/2019 09:13

To demand photo I.D of British born Parents would spark a civil liberties backlash.
Really?!

WorraLiberty · 09/01/2019 09:14

I assume the shop assistant thought they weren't for you and that therefore you were buying for someone else and, as you are young, they didn't know if that person might be underage.

From the opening post......

asked for his usual and the cashier loudly said 'I can't serve you, you're pregnant and shouldn't be smoking'

ReallyFrida · 09/01/2019 09:22

The difference, between the OP buying cigarettes and a 16 year old, since it needs pointing out Hmm is that the OP has come of age and despite being pregnant, is old enough to make decisions for herself.

Anyone impressed with the knobhead for being honest with a woman who could have been buying the cigarettes for literally anyone should have a word with themselves. You're not brave having a pop at an adult woman. Even if she had been buying them for herself, it's not illegal. The Handmaid's Tale hasn't officially been taken up as public policy yet

Ad no, she can't actually make her partner stop smoking. Yes, it's a SIDS risk, like fucking millions of things that many of you anyway.

If the OP had started a thread saying she wanted to put her 4 month old in her own room she'd never have had this abuse. It's because she's 20. She's 20, therefore her husband probably doesn't work. She's probably too stupid to know cigarettes are bad. Hmm Agist, misogynistic, bullshit.

Fucking hell.

ReallyFrida · 09/01/2019 09:24

m I the only one who thinks the shopkeeper was right to refuse... I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing I’d sold a heavily pregnant woman cigarettes. Anyone could quite easily say they’re for someone else! I mean really

In that case, anyone could quite happily buy cigarettes for the pregnant woman! Shock How about we just assume that adult women are capable of making their own choices.

FuckingYuleLog · 09/01/2019 09:25

Not one good argument as to why the op was refused service. To those who say she may harm her baby and the state would have to pay - anyone who smokes is creating a burden on the state due to smoking related illness. That doesn’t mean shop assistants can start refusing to sell unhealthy things to people. If the Co-op wanted to ‘make a stand’ perhaps they could stop stocking cigarettes? Can’t see that happening somehow.
And as for the argument that the op would seem more likely to smoke the cigarettes than drink wine they bought because people don’t buy cigarettes for other people???? As someone who used to work in a newsagent I can assure you people frequently came in to buy cigarettes for other people as if they were regular customers they would double check the brand they usually buy with me! I have also never met a pg woman who smokes but have met many who still drink!

SillySallySingsSongs · 09/01/2019 09:25

To demand photo I.D of British born Parents would spark a civil liberties backlash.

Don't talk absolute rubbish.

ReallyFrida · 09/01/2019 09:26

In fact, if we are all so FUCKING CONCERNED that cigarettes might get to a pregnant woman. Let's not sell them to heterosexual men as the might smoke around the pregnant woman or give them to the pregnant woman?

How about that?

How about we not give them to any men because they might then smoke around their children?

We just don't know They could be for anyone!

ReallyFrida · 09/01/2019 09:27

I'm actually shocked that it's the OP's job while pregnant to make her partner stop smoking but that it hasn't been suggested that we could simply refuse service to men being that they are 50% involved in the making of a human baby.

Babymamamama · 09/01/2019 09:27

Just go to another shop?

Birdsgottafly · 09/01/2019 09:29

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername, absolutely. There's been a backlash over the DWP trying to insist that claiments have photo I.D.

Unless it's funded, they can fuck off with that. We don't mandatorily need photo I.D in the UK.

". I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing I’d sold a heavily pregnant woman cigarettes."

Please go and get help. How would you feel about soft cheese or uncooked meat? All could potentially kill.

FuckingYuleLog · 09/01/2019 09:29

In fact a lot of the customers who used to come into my shop to buy cigarettes for other people were the carers for the nearby supported living apartments who were almost exclusively female and occasionally pg. Maybe I shouldn’t have allowed them to do their job and shop for their clients on the off chance the cigarettes were for them?

CatnissEverdene · 09/01/2019 09:30

You can't afford ID but are prioritising cigarettes?

Wow.

Birdsgottafly · 09/01/2019 09:30

To put another spin on it.

It means that pregnant Women would have to give up work if they were support Workers and had to shop for clients.

What do we think about that?

ReallyFrida · 09/01/2019 09:33

Just go to another shop?

I'm guessing the OP did, but generally, discrimination isn't OK if other shops are available. Hmm

volvica · 09/01/2019 09:33

I had my baby at 16 and DP was 18 - I made clear that he was to quit smoking. It's completely selfish IMO, what a waste of money to fuel a bad habit, passive smoke for your baby, a bad influence to show them. I'd've been mortified going in to buy a pack of cigarettes if I was heavily pregnant, no matter who it was for- he was just saying what everyone else in the queue would've been thinking.

ReallyFrida · 09/01/2019 09:34

You can't afford ID but are prioritising cigarettes?

Wow

If that's wow to you man, I hate to break it to you about the rest of the known universe.

Lovemusic33 · 09/01/2019 09:37

People on here are more judgemental than the person serving OP Shock

She didn’t come on here asking for financial advice or health advice, she just wanted to know if the person who served her was BU for refusing to sell her cigarettes.

I hate smoking, I hate being around smoke but what other people do is their choice.

ReallyFrida · 09/01/2019 09:38

If OP had posted

Hello! I'm my partner is 27 but looks very young so he needs to bring ID with him to buy wine, so I stopped at Waitrose on the way home to pick up some wine and some cheese for his lunch and was refused service!

It would have been a different thread entirely.

How dare a 20 year old get pregnant at a perfectly normal age to get pregnant and how dare her partner partake in a perfectly legal activity in his garden.

FuckingYuleLog · 09/01/2019 09:38

And how dare the op suggest that money may be tight when her partner is buying something non essential. You’re only allowed to mention money being an issue if you don’t spend a penny on non essential items.
What kind of person reads that a pg has been refused service for no other reason than her physical condition and decides to a) berate her for her dp smoking as if she’s the one responsible or b) concentrate only on the fact her dp could technically afford ID if he spent his money more wisely? 99% of this thread that’s who!
I totally agree that the responses are 100% to do with the fact the op is young and they don’t have much money. Maybe repost the thread as a 40yr old pg woman refused a bottle of wine in Waitrose that she wanted to give to her son’s piano tutor for their birthday. Then you’ll get the replies you should have got on here.

Lovemusic33 · 09/01/2019 09:40

And Bird makes a good point, I am a support worker, one of my clients smokes, I have to buy his cigarettes/Tabaco, if I was pregnant and couldn’t get served I would be very pissed off.

2cats2many · 09/01/2019 09:44

I hate the way that women's bodies are turned into public property once they become pregnant.

The shop assistant was a smug bastard.

WorraLiberty · 09/01/2019 09:45

he was just saying what everyone else in the queue would've been thinking

And that makes it ok, does it?

What if he thought she was an ugly cow, should he have said that too?

FuckingYuleLog · 09/01/2019 09:46

And also wondering how the majority of mn can simultaneously think a woman should have the right to choose to abort their child but they should need permission from the man in the Co-op to smoke while pregnant - or even to buy cigarettes for someone else when pg?

ReallyFrida · 09/01/2019 09:47

Maybe repost the thread as a 40yr old pg woman refused a bottle of wine in Waitrose that she wanted to give to her son’s piano tutor for their birthday

Ha cross post!

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