shop refused to serve me?!!?

[elliesm98]

I'm 32 weeks pregnant, OH lost his ID in November and hasn't ordered a new one yet as we are using all our spare money for this baby.
Now, OH smokes and because we are both 20 it is impossible to get served without ID, so i've been going in the shop for him. I usually get them in Tesco or get them delivered with online shopping, but popped into the co-op on our way home earlier, asked for his usual and the cashier loudly said 'I can't serve you, you're pregnant and shouldn't be smoking' in front of all the other customers making me feel embarassed. AIBU to think that this was unprofessional of him and he has no right to comment on what im buying!! maybe i'm just getting emotional about it because of hormones. I mean is he legally allowed to refuse to serve me ?

Fags and a ‘weekly’ crate of beer. I predict we’ll see OP posting in a few months suddenly super surprised that her boyfriend is a useless father.

@RedRainSinister

Oh fgs. All this waiting an hour, showering, etc before holding the baby. You know it’s all bullshit right? I smoked through all my pregnancies, and through bringing up my kids. None had any problems, none of them smoke. I was brought up the same. My grandad smoked his pipe around all his 12 children and 30 odd grandchildren. Second hand smoke is wildly exaggerated.

Oh there's always one .....

She will be damaging her child and the cost of that will be placed on the state
And next up Greggs and Macdonalds should stop serving people who are obese because the state picks up the tab.
In fact, all smoking is bad for you so let's have that policed in shops so it can be bought but only if some smug twit points out loudly that you're spending their taxes.

Or is it just pregnant women who are public property?

The shop assistant was wrong and had no right, so yes you should definitely complain.

I will however reiterate what a lot of posters have said, your partner really needs to prioritise better especially as he's becoming a father. You stated in your original OP that he is unable to afford ID as any spare money is going towards the baby, but ID is a one off payment, smoking costs way much more so it doesn't make sense to prioritise cigarettes over ID, which is far more important and more useful.

And ignore posters like Red who are ignorant enough to think they know better then medical professionals and extensive research... Second and third hand is real and extremely harmful to your baby, even without the medical research it's common sense that if you inhale and exhale toxins it's pretty dangerous.

Your partner really needs to consider yours and his baby's health... He can't be a hands on father safely if he's still smoking, and why would anyone want to make the risks of SIDS higher?

Please do some research and show your partner, for the sake of your child.

SimplySteve

I think people like Red are indenial and will deny facts to try to justify their selfish behaviour that puts their children at risk. I would be too embarrassed and ashamed to publicly state smoking in pregnancy is fine, let alone smoking around babies... Some people are just disgusting.

Am I the only one who thinks the shopkeeper was right to refuse... I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing I’d sold a heavily pregnant woman cigarettes. Anyone could quite easily say they’re for someone else! I mean really

It's not a moral judgment for a sales assistant to make. It is not illegal for a pregnant woman to buy cigarettes. And where do you stop? Stop someone buying cheese or products with raw egg on them? We already have it happening with alcohol. Bog off with the do-gooding, people in shops! Pregnant women can make their own decisions.

However, I agree that the OP's boyfriend needs to give up smoking. Why on earth did he even start? It's expensive, stinky, anti-social and disgusting. Tell (not ask) him to stop, OP.

I was told off for drinking a glass of wine once, couldn't work out why then realised they thought I was pregnant! I wasn't, and this made it worse, they didn't even apologise, just went on about drinking in pregnancy even after I explained I was fat.

I would have been livid! How dare someone be so bloody judgemental and rude! The shop assistant was out of order and you shouldn't have been treated like that!

Policing a pregnant woman on things like termination is dangerous and wrong. That is taking away a woman’s body autonomy.

Things like lecturing a pregnant woman on what foods she should/shouldn’t eat, harping on about taking folic acid supplements, etc. is unnecessary policing. Screeching “BrEaSt is BesT” to a mother bottle feeding her baby is likewise unhelpful busy-bodying (There are such a multitude of reasons why a woman may not be able to breasfeed, but I digress with the obvious).

These are things that are not directly harming a baby. They are not an active decision, on the mother’s behalf, to seriously risk the health of her baby. However; any mother actively choosing to smoke throughout her pregnancy, is effectively choosing to harm her child. Of course people are (rightfully) going to be concerned by that possibility. Yes, I know the cigarettes were not for OP, but whose to know that?

I think buying a bottle of wine is quite different to buying cigarettes. It’s very common to buy a bottle for a gift or hosting a dinner party, etc. It’s far easier to assume that a pregnant woman isn’t stupid enough to drink it herself. On the other hand, its not very common to buy cigarettes for someone else...

I didn't know smoking made someone not responsible or ready to be a dad.

Well I guess youre a little less ignorant now, hey?

Is your dh planning to leave his breath outside when the baby's born?

Wow, jenasaurus, I guess they painted themselves into a corner - 'can't let it show that I've made a horrendous faux pa's, must keep going, otherwise I might have to admit I've been a twat.'

Faux pas, autocorrect.

I don’t care about the legalities of it, SIDS is a terrifying concept and I just can’t understand someone being so relaxed about their partners doing one of the biggest factors! See how you feel when you’re laying awake at night listening to your baby breathe to make sure they’re alive.

Also we needed our passports to register DD, that was two months ago so I doubt it’s changed much.

OP, you see the issue is that you're breaking a lot of MN 'rules'.

Your young Parents and you smoke.

If you were over 40, eating foods that ideally you shouldn't and your DH had gone missing overnight because he got that pissed and had you up all night worrying. Then the Baby is born and you don't bother to Breastfeed and put Baby it's it's room under six months old.

Then all those health risks would suddenly be ignored.

Those posters that claim to be a Feminist, are only when it suits them. You've got to tick certain boxes to get their support.

The posters that said on another thread that Women should be able to abort at any stage, are suddenly declaring pregnant Women as public property.

You're only 20, you'll learn how hypocritical and the massive lack of critical thinking that otherwise intelligent people can demonstrate.

If you had left your age out of it and said you were refused wine, you'd have got completely different responses.

A couple of years ago you'd have got different responses, but these days there's a lack of sense.

The shop assistant was completely out of order, send an Email, complain on their FB etc.

For those stupid posters stating that people should 'make a stand'. Take to the streets about Infant Mortality and Maternal deaths rising, Homelessness, Food Bank use etc, do not pick on pregnant Women. That's if you do actually give a shit and children's health.

Because you can bet that's who 'the stand' would largely be made against. Not the 19 stone Man buying cakes, the aggressive skinny Man buying Cider, the Man who is buying chocolate for his kids breakfast on the way to school. It would be pregnant Women.

Whatever the rights and wrongs of smoking during pregnancy (and yes, I realise that in this case it’s the OP’s partner that’s the smoker, but that’s not the point) surely it’s illegal to discriminate (refusal of goods or services) on the basis of a protected characteristic, which pregnancy is. Complain, complain, complain

Everything that birsgottafly said.

"Also we needed our passports to register DD, that was two months ago so I doubt it’s changed much."

You don't need I.D to register a Birth, particularly if your doing it at the hospital you gave Birth at.

A bill with your name on will suffice, if asked for at all. Realistically a Mother can put anyone on the Birth Certificate, as long as a Man is with her, it doesn't mean he's the Father and they rarely prosecute.

They mention passports etc, because it saves the couple writing everything down, if they have complex spelling names and strong accents etc.

We've had a lot of babies born in our Social Group over the last few years and I.D hasn't been asked for.

To demand photo I.D of British born Parents would spark a civil liberties backlash.

So stop with the bullshit.

It is funny how MN is usually majoratively in favour of body autonomy, including when discussing abortions up to full term, but if a pregnant woman is around/chooses to smoke it all goes out the window.

Yep it seems like only non pregnant women have body autonomy. Pregnant women are apparently public property for all and sundry to dictate to.

He shouldn’t have been so rude to you, but you shouldn’t be assisting your partner in a habit that will damage your child.

@Birdsgottafly You assume so much, and assumptions are the mother of all fuck ups.

Incidentally I've campaigned against food bank cuts, homelessness, cuts to the welfare state in my local area for a while now. I'm also not female. Do I get a pass?

Am I the only one who thinks the shopkeeper was right to refuse... I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing I’d sold a heavily pregnant woman cigarettes. Anyone could quite easily say they’re for someone else! I mean really

He wasnt a shop keeper not that it matters. He was a male shop assistant humiliating a woman in public because he thought it was his right to do so as apparently you do too.

What gives you the right to dictate to another adult (with the relevant id) what they can and cannot buy?

Has he considered vaping. Much safer for the baby and cheaper

Totally agree with Birdsgottafly

And as an aside, so many posters are either misunderstanding or willfully ignoring the fact the guy refused to serve the OP, not because he was worried about passing smoking from her DP, but because he decided the cigarettes were for her and that as a pregnant woman, he decided he could control her and her choices.

And so to those saying it's not comparable to a McDonald's assistant, refusing to sell a fat person junk food, it's totally comparable if you stick to the point in the OP - which (again for those who don't get it) has nothing to do with passive smoking, because he assumed the cigarettes were for her.

In what world do you figure he doesn't need ID?