What do you expect them to do before school?

[IsThisNormalBehaviour]

Name changed for this post.

What would you expect your 14YO DS to do when getting ready for school.

14 year old DSS is driving me nuts every morning he is with us (3 out of 5 school nights most weeks). He will get out of bed 20 mins before he needs to leave for school.. after being woken several times. He then will get dressed into the school clothes hung ready for him and then sits on the sofa waiting for his toast or cereal for breakfast while watching tv. He then has to be reminded before he leaves to do his teeth.

He never washes his face, never does anything with his hair! He does at least shower every evening after being told to do so.

I've spoken to DH about this and also DSS's mother as well (as we get on ok) They both seem to think this is pretty normal for his age.

DH leaves for work at 5am so I am the one who has to deal with this while trying to get myself ready for work also.

At this age I had to set my own alarm, get myself up, breakfast, washed and ready!

AIBU to be expecting the same?

My DD is 11 and in high school. She has her own phone alarm and gets up before me. She does her own breakfast and dresses herself with the uniform she has ready. She brushes her teeth and the only thing I need to do is her hair because she unfortunately has inherited my rats nest hair. Frizzy, strawlike and uncontrollable.
She even refuses lifts to school because she wants to walk with her friends. I don't have to follow her around reminding her of the time or anything. She leaves without me telling her.

I actually feel a bit sad that I'm just not needed anymore but I think in the long run we did well teaching her independence.

I agree with others that some of this is normal and some is pure laziness.

I think for example that needing to be woken several times is pretty average for a teen.
Having you sort his uniform and bring him breakfast is not.

So, I would begin with the night before stuff - before he goes to bed, uniform out ready for tomorrow. The only lever I know that works with teens is screen, so something like - hand your ohone in, shower, pack bag and get uniform ready for tomorrow, get phone back.
On a similar note, does he help at all in the evenings? Mine are expected to do something eg dishwasher/table etc. I see that as an important part of learning to be an independant adult.

Once you have the evening sorted (and unless he is really struggling, it is fine to expect him to sort all his own stuff in the evening, ready for the next day.)
Then move on to morning. For some teens this really is hard. May be related to when they went to sleep (whoel other issue) or may just be that they find it hard.
Begin with the easy part. Tv off. remove plug if you have to, but not TV at all in the morning.
Once that is established (and I would do all these one step at a time) then he gets his breakfast himself.
There is a point where you have to make a choice though, I make dd1 breakfast which she eats in the car, because I prefer her to eat than not eat. She wouldn't get it herself. Ds on the other hand really wants his breakfats and makes time for it.