What do you expect them to do before school?

[IsThisNormalBehaviour]

Name changed for this post.

What would you expect your 14YO DS to do when getting ready for school.

14 year old DSS is driving me nuts every morning he is with us (3 out of 5 school nights most weeks). He will get out of bed 20 mins before he needs to leave for school.. after being woken several times. He then will get dressed into the school clothes hung ready for him and then sits on the sofa waiting for his toast or cereal for breakfast while watching tv. He then has to be reminded before he leaves to do his teeth.

He never washes his face, never does anything with his hair! He does at least shower every evening after being told to do so.

I've spoken to DH about this and also DSS's mother as well (as we get on ok) They both seem to think this is pretty normal for his age.

DH leaves for work at 5am so I am the one who has to deal with this while trying to get myself ready for work also.

At this age I had to set my own alarm, get myself up, breakfast, washed and ready!

AIBU to be expecting the same?

I would wake him up and that’s it. No way would I get his breakfast. My teen is up at 7. Sorts out her own breakfast. Gets herself ready for school and loads the dishwasher.

In a few short years he will be one of the dreadful man children that MN seems to be full of...
He will be utterly and completely useless at everything and some poor unfortunate woman will end up stuck with him....

You're just too good a parent tbh. He has got used to you thinking for him. I'm the same by default but as I'm less good a parent my 12yo has had to start doing stuff

I'd do it gradually.

Definitely ban the tv.

Start by making him toast but leaving it in the kitchen.

My step son sounds the same. Never brushes his teeth and I no longer remind as he will take more notice of his peers telling him he stinks than me.
I have a son who is 17 and always has to have a bath to leave the house. Whereas step son cba.

X

Mine are 14 and 16.

They get themselves up and showered every morning and I make tea and breakfast for them.

I don’t have to leave early so I quite enjoy doing this and they don’t eat lunch so I make sure they eat loads at breakfast.

They do everything else and leave at 8.15am.

Both my 9 and 13 year old set their own alarms, make their own breakfast, feed the cats, wash/shower, make their beds before they leave for school.

Dd2 is 11 she has loads of physio and health related tasks to do each morning, we've set a series of alarms on her phone to prompt her and pretty much expect her to get on with it, ithas helped massively giving her more responsibility. We were convinced she would ref miss the bus but that hasn't happened ....yet!

You're just too good a parent tbh. He has got used to you thinking for him

Can you please explain how this is helping? It’s actually very poor parenting preventing indepenace.

I genuinely can't believe some of these answers. These are teenagers and they have to be reminded to brush their teeth?! Makes me feel very grateful for mine!

Surely just calling through to him "help yourself to breakfast" would do the trick?

What does he do for breakfast on the weekends?

My 10&12 yr olds do the following
1)make their own packed lunches night before
2) get themselves up 98% of the time- alarm clocks set for 7am
3) get dressed
4) feed and let cats out
5) make their own breakfast- toast or cereal.
6) put dirty dishes in dishwasher
7) feed and let rabbits out
8) hair and teeth

12 yr old cycles to school leaves around 7:55

10yr old is dropped by me on my way to work - we leave about 8:10.

No tv or electronics before school

My DS gets up of his own accord well before leaving time

Gets his own clothes most days and gets dressed, makes his bed, brushes his teeth

Makes his own breakfast

He can get distracted when it comes to actually getting his shoes on and out the door though.

But then he's just turned 6.

We also have no screens in the morning.

Mine used to always bathe or shower and wash hair in the morning. We'd get his clean clothes ready for him to step into.

It was terribly difficult to get him to eat anything (I remember I was the same, my mum used to be quite stressed about it), he always said it was too early but I'd try and persuade him to at least have a bit of toast or half a bowl of cereal. He took a good packed lunch so could break into that at mid morning break, if hungry.

The important is to impress on your son is that he mustn't smell bad!

He does however sound fairly normal and it will all improve in due course.

Since they started secondary, I have been the last adult to leave the house (at 7.30 am).

I do make the main part of lunch - rolls, sandwiches, pasta salad or whatever - for them as i do the whole family's in one batch.

I make sure that they are woken and out of bed before I leave - ie I have to see them standing up (they have 2 minutes for this - i go in, switch lights on, go downstairs and demand that they appear on the landing before I open the front door).

They do everything else - I presume that they manage the 3/4 mile walk to school or negotiate lifts, as they don't have absent or late marks.

It's typical teenage boy. Don't make his breakfast, he's more than capable of doing that himself. Or not, if he hasn't got time. If he's late for school, they'll give him whatever punishment is on their behaviour policy and he'll learn to sort himself out. He'll only take responsibility for himself if he's allowed to.
Don't compare him to anyone else's children, especially not younger ones. It all changes once they hit adolescence; doesn't matter what they did at 6/8/10. Teenage boys grow incredibly fast and it's very, very tiring. If he's getting up, into uniform and off to school, he's going ok. I do no more than make sure my 15 year old is up; he didn't use to wash, but does now (girls are in the frame) and these days usually has time for breakfast and arrives on time. So it will get better, but I wouldn't stress about it.

14? Stop babying him. Do nothing see what happens

I wake mine and do breakfast, given we are eating anyway it would be petty to make them do their own. Easier to just do.

They are only children once, plenty of time to make their own breakfast etc when they are adults.

My son gets up at 6am, cleans the hall and stairs, folds the laundry, does half hour of reading (Classics), half hour of mathematics, cooks a full English breakfast for the family and the neighbours, walks the dog twice and gets to school an hour before the gate opens.
Nah!! He has to be woken up (though he will get dressed) but there are the obligatory 20 times of asking him what he would like for breakfast, what he would like for lunch and then at least 50 times asking him to put his socks on. I think when I get old and deranged I will probably be wildly telling all the residents in the care home to put their socks on, I've said it that much. He is only 8 though. The 10 year old is brilliant about getting up and ready, but only because he knows his time is his own once everything is done and ready, and he's keen to get on the Xbox!

I think he needs to make his own breakfast, but otherwise sounds normal for a naturally late riser.

My 2 can get themselves up, sorted and ready to leave - complete with breakfast and all personal care - with no reminders or assistance. In practice, either I or dh will make/offer to make breakfast 2 or 3 times per week (either of the dc make/offer to make ours for us if they're down first though) depending on whether we're having a cooked breakfast or cereal.

My 9 and 12 yo sort themselves for school every morning, including getting up. The 9yo just needs a bit of help getting her hair up neatly but she gets her own breakfast etc while I’m getting ready for work.

Barring this morning when the kids were still exhausted from last night (very last minute tidy when I discovered babybel wrappers in their beds... Grr) they're up before the 7am alarm, they make their own breakfast cereal and sometimes my eldest does toast for them both. Eldest showers, they both dress, eldest's friend rings our bell and they're gone, and I take youngest to school. Their bags are done the night before. They are 7 + 11, both with special needs. Girls, but my eldest isn't girly at all. If they can do it, your stepson can do it. Why not read him my comment. That'll either embarrass him into being a better person, or you'll have to insist your OH hangs about to give him a grilling every morning.

Sounds like a stroppy Teenager treating his SM like shit....

Mine is now 16 and in 6th form but has had no input from me since year 8 with getting up and ready for school. I would wash her uniform but only if it was put in the washing basket. Younger than that she would have stayed in bed until I got her up.