Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want all of the inlaws coming to stay 3 days after childbirth?

113 replies

Bemoremargo · 08/01/2019 19:44

I gave birth to my lovely third son this morning, all went as smoothly as I could have dreamt and I've said yes to MIL and FIL coming to stay from Thursday to Saturday. I usually find 2/3 days visits are my limit without even having a newborn. They are lovely but overbearing. I've only just started to be able to assert myself recently with them after 10 years of being with DH.
Now we've been asked if BIL and his newish gf (who we've never met) can come from the Friday night and leave with them all on Saturday.
I know its only 1 night with 2 extra people but I think it will be pushing it tbh. It'll be day 3 to 5 post birth and from what I can remember from the last time I'll be a hormonal, sweaty and crying mess with my boobs out constantly. MiL has a track record of not being positive about breast feeding (which is a whole other story) and I know she'll expect me to take myself and baby upstairs away from sight to feed him, so I have visions of feeling like I've been banished to my room for the duration. Or going up and down stairs like a jack in the box getting angrier and angrier. Adding a new person I've never met might just tip me over. I'd like to suggest that Bil and gf come in a couple of weeks, I can't see what difference it would make to them and it would be much easier for us/me. Oh, and we've got 1 spare room so Mil and Fil fit easily but having 2 more means putting 3 and 7 year old together which we've not tried before. I know its not the end of the world but I'm already feeling put out and stressed at the thought of it.
DH thinks we should be pleased they're so excited about the new baby and just get it all over with at once, but it will be me recovering from birth, trying to establish breastfeeding and attempting to not cry in front of everyone, not him.
Reading that back I don't think IABU, but I'm fully prepared to be told to just crack on and cope with a few visitors for a couple of nights!

OP posts:
suckmasterburstingfoam · 08/01/2019 19:47

Good lord no, yanbu. Blimey. Deep breaths, say no politely but firmly and stick to it.

HolyMountain · 08/01/2019 19:48

Congratulations GrinFlowers!

Say no to the extra guests, I think you’re slightly daft having the in-laws at all so soon but you’re a better woman than me.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 08/01/2019 19:48

Are you quite mad?

Owwlie · 08/01/2019 19:49

YANBU. Your husband might thinks it's fine but you're the one who's just given birth not him. Can they not stay in a hotel? And just pop in for a couple of hours.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/01/2019 19:49

Your husband has lost his fucking mind.

No.
Nope.
No way.

As soon as he pushes a baby out of his vagina, he can decide. Until then he can fuck off.

O4FS · 08/01/2019 19:49

Congratulations!

No way. YADNBU.

HermioneWeasley · 08/01/2019 19:49

You are a hero for hosting them a few days post partum. BIL and his girlfriend can wait. If your DH relayed this message instead of saying no withiut needing to refer to you he needs a bloody good talking to

Rainagain1 · 08/01/2019 19:50

Just say no. Madness. Or suggest local hotel.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 08/01/2019 19:50

I’ve not read your full post but absolutely no fucking way.

The only way I would say you should is if you are mega close to all the above mentioned in-laws and you love them all to pieces.

But meeting the new gf?! No way.

AintNobodyHereButUsReindeer · 08/01/2019 19:52

Absolutely not. A million times no. And that's to ALL inlaws! Tell PIL to get a hotel or something if they're so desperate to stay! I'm baffled as to who even thinks it would be a good idea to stay with their son and DIL who has just given birth Confused

Santaisfastasleepatlast · 08/01/2019 19:54

Download the Air B&B app right now op. Find them a property with 2 bedrooms and send them the link. You need a prompt to implement some boundaries ASAP.
This is a big mahoosive prompt.
Do it.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 08/01/2019 19:54

I’m imagining how awkward the new gf will feel when she realises she’s being hosted by a woman who gave birth 3 days ago.

I would want to curl up in embarrassment at the idea of imposing on a stranger (or anyone else) like that.

ShalomJackie · 08/01/2019 19:54

No.

Also no to you having to remove yourself to breastfeed! If they have an issue they can remove themselves!

Bemoremargo · 08/01/2019 19:55

Thanks so so much everyone. I think it was the adrenaline kicking in when I said yes to Mil and Fil coming Sad Although thinking about it DH was on the phone to FiL so I wasn't personally asked really. Not in a way I could've said no to. Jesus I need to toughen up don't I.

OP posts:
Hefzi · 08/01/2019 19:56

Congratulations! But seriously - no to BIL and new gf: this is not the time for him to be introducing her to his brother's family Hmm

I appreciate not everyone is like me (first grandchild born in the family recently - have told my DSib I'll pop and see them in about twenty years Grin) but seriously, how could anyone think that was acceptable and appropriate?!

Just say no, OP - it's heroic enough to host in-laws over night at this stage, never mind people you've not met on top. Frankly, even if they'd been married years, it would be a bit of a cheek for them to come as well as the in-laws.

jessstan2 · 08/01/2019 19:56

I wouldn't want anyone staying after having a baby but a lot depends on the size of your house, whether or not you can peacefully co-exist without falling over each other and will they look after you, ie cook and do chores so you can put feet up.

PrimalLass · 08/01/2019 19:56

No way. Just no.

DisappearingFish · 08/01/2019 19:57

YANBU. That's what hotels are for.

YABU for not posting a picture of your gorgeous new baby.

Congratulations Thanks

HolyMountain · 08/01/2019 19:57

Get your husband to cancel it. You’ll be knackered beyond belief in a few hours , emotional and terribly fucked off when thet arrive.

Cancel it, you’ve just given birth you can get away with anything Grin

EverlyNow · 08/01/2019 19:57

Congrats on your new baby! Enjoy your snuggles.

I wouldn’t entertain idea of bil and his random new gf in your house. Don’t over complicate your life, especially so soon!!

And pil would only be welcome if they actually helped with food and looking after the older kids

jessstan2 · 08/01/2019 19:58

PS: I see you only have one spare room so it isn't really convenient to have BIL and his girlfriend to stay. Your in laws are more likely to help you, make a fuss of you a bit and let you rest.

Sistersofmercy101 · 08/01/2019 19:59

What kind of empathyless person expects a woman who has recently given birth and is caring for older young children, whilst attempting to manage the rigours of breastfeeding, to host them?
What is your h thinking? Does he have no consideration for you?
You need people caring for you whilst you recover and care for your newborn. You deserve so much more consideration and respect than your being shown.

BunsOfAnarchy · 08/01/2019 20:00

Congratulations!

But seriously id even message MIL and FIL now and say pop through but stay over another time. Next few days will be highly testing with hormones still haywire and establishing your breast feeding.

laurG · 08/01/2019 20:01

Congratulations and no yanabu. You are being extremely reasonable having your in laws for a few days. I refused and I’m glad I did as like you said I was A hormonal crying mess. My mil came for the day and I spend most of the time in my room in tears. You have more than one child and enough to deal with. Enjoy your new baby,

CantWaitToRetire · 08/01/2019 20:01

I would definitely say no to BIL staying and I’d also inform everyone that you intend to BF wherever is most comfortable for you and if anyone doesn’t like it they can make themselves scarce while it’s hapoening. This is your home OP and you should not accept anyone dictating to you how you behave in it. Your DH should be backing up your decisions. Congratulations on the birth of your new son Flowers.

Swipe left for the next trending thread