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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want all of the inlaws coming to stay 3 days after childbirth?

113 replies

Bemoremargo · 08/01/2019 19:44

I gave birth to my lovely third son this morning, all went as smoothly as I could have dreamt and I've said yes to MIL and FIL coming to stay from Thursday to Saturday. I usually find 2/3 days visits are my limit without even having a newborn. They are lovely but overbearing. I've only just started to be able to assert myself recently with them after 10 years of being with DH.
Now we've been asked if BIL and his newish gf (who we've never met) can come from the Friday night and leave with them all on Saturday.
I know its only 1 night with 2 extra people but I think it will be pushing it tbh. It'll be day 3 to 5 post birth and from what I can remember from the last time I'll be a hormonal, sweaty and crying mess with my boobs out constantly. MiL has a track record of not being positive about breast feeding (which is a whole other story) and I know she'll expect me to take myself and baby upstairs away from sight to feed him, so I have visions of feeling like I've been banished to my room for the duration. Or going up and down stairs like a jack in the box getting angrier and angrier. Adding a new person I've never met might just tip me over. I'd like to suggest that Bil and gf come in a couple of weeks, I can't see what difference it would make to them and it would be much easier for us/me. Oh, and we've got 1 spare room so Mil and Fil fit easily but having 2 more means putting 3 and 7 year old together which we've not tried before. I know its not the end of the world but I'm already feeling put out and stressed at the thought of it.
DH thinks we should be pleased they're so excited about the new baby and just get it all over with at once, but it will be me recovering from birth, trying to establish breastfeeding and attempting to not cry in front of everyone, not him.
Reading that back I don't think IABU, but I'm fully prepared to be told to just crack on and cope with a few visitors for a couple of nights!

OP posts:
SeaGreenSeaGlass · 08/01/2019 23:45

African? Arrival! 😂

poppiesallykatie · 08/01/2019 23:48

Beautiful xx

wizzler · 08/01/2019 23:55

Gorgeous... congratulations

chardonm · 08/01/2019 23:58

No way.

Nanny0gg · 09/01/2019 00:35

Well done and congratulations!

But what is wrong with people? Especially other women. Don't they remember what it was like giving birth??

I do...

DisappearingFish · 09/01/2019 05:38

Well done OP. And he is adorable!

planespotting · 09/01/2019 06:40

and I know she'll expect me to take myself and baby upstairs away from sight to feed him,

1 word
2 letters

PregnantSea · 09/01/2019 11:49

I think so soon after the baby has been born I'd restrict staying over visits to grandparents only. It's a tough time and everyone can wait. Maybe BIL and gf can just pop over for a daytime visit? Maybe a cup of tea and a cuddle with the baby? This depends how far away they live of course. Or as others have said they could get a hotel? You could avoid all the awkwardness by just saying there's no room for everyone at once.

Mumblers · 09/01/2019 17:41

YANBU
No, no, no NO!
So many things wrong with this....
Who in their right mind would even suggest imposing themselves on a family with a newborn baby??
By all means a day visit TO HELP OUT but to stay & then invite others too?
Madness! Say no, this is your precious time with your baby & children.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 09/01/2019 18:45

We had our very best friends pop in 4 days post partum on the day we came home from hospital. They came with my fav soft drinks and sweets! We said no to BIL and SIL calling in on the way past as they had a toddling DS with them. House not toddler ready and we're family but not close friends. I was BF and didn't want extra guests.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 09/01/2019 18:46

.... Didn't want extra guests the day I got home from hospital. I needed a shower and wanted to chill in my PJs

PanamaPattie · 09/01/2019 20:45

Gorgeous baby OP. I do miss how small and cuddly they are. Perfect hands and perfect nails. Sigh.

HollowTalk · 09/01/2019 20:50

What a lovely photo. You know he looks like he's thinking "Why the hell are those people coming here when all I want is a bit of peace!"

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