To think DH is being out of order.

[User3billion]

We've booked a holiday to go away at Easter & DH has said no to tell my family. He doesn't particularly like my mum - she can be quite overbearing at times.

I thought he meant not to tell them right away & I said I'd have to tell them at some point. I think it'd be rude not to let them know we're going away.

He thinks as we don't live under their roof we've no obligation to tell them & it wouldn't be rude.

So who is BU him or me?

He is right that you have no obligation to tell your DM you have booked a holiday but i think my question would be WHY does he not want her to know? Will she want to come too? Will she go on about it in some way?

What are his reasons for not telling her at all?
I don’t think it would be rude as such but I generally tell my parents if we will be away and they do the same it’s because we live close by each other and we might be looking for each other and be concerned if we couldn’t or if there was an emergency we know how to get in touch but it’s not because I feel it would be rude not to it’s more practical reasons.

Well if she's a bit overbearing perhaps he prefers to keep her at arms length. I do with my DM. I don't tell her much. I somehow always end up regretting it if i do.

You don't have to tell your family anything, you are an adult. Do you tend to overshare with them?
How does it feel to not discuss your life with them?

Am I right in thinking that he just doesn’t want them to know full stop? So you’re meant to go on holiday and they’ll find out when you get there or get back?

If my husband dictated this I’d tell him to fuck right off.

There has to be more to this. Why does DH not want your family to know? What does 'quite overbearing' mean?

I'm guessing the DM will piss on the chips. Snip about the cost, find fault with the plans or pull some kind of guilt trip about being left behind. all of which my mother has done. more than once

Do you think you might be an over sharer and he is tired of having to include your family in his day to day living?

Sounds like an odd request but I just wondered if he might have a simple reason

It's certainly very peculiar of him. He's right there's no obligation to tell them but why is it a big deal.
Is there a massive backstory here?

Weird.
You don’t have any obligation to tell them but I always tell my mum when we are away. What does he think will happen if you tell her?

It depends on what “overbearing” means.

We stay deliberately very vague about exact holiday dates to my PIL with good reason.

If we are going somewhere in the U.K. we are very, very vague about precisely where we are staying (and I mean town not hotel)

Weird

I'd want to know his reason for not telling. And be prepared to open up a can of worms
But unless he has a valid reason, I don't see why you shouldn't tell.

OP, I'd take a good look at your relationship with your DM. Do you overshare? Does she tend to invite herself to things? Is your DH wanting a holiday just the two of you?

Or is it other things, like wanting to receive a phone the exact moment you arrive because she'll "have been worried about you"? And so on.

While it's a weird request from your DH, there's something behind it and you need to have a proper talk with him.

Me and DH would have to tell our mums, as we call them every day, even if it's just a two minute chat.

They would be looking forward to a call afterwards telling them how our holiday was.

But neither are overbearing and would not automatically expect to be invited.

User3billion

Very strange.

Will he be telling his family about the holiday?

Depends on what he's afraid of.

Do you think you might be an over sharer
Telling your mum that you're going on holiday is hardly oversharing though, is it?

There are a couple of threads running here at the moment about family booking the same holidays as the OPs - is that what he's worried about?

Yup, the big question is why?

If it's just on principle and he wants you to be secretive, it's a bit odd.

If it's because he's worried about some action that she will take, then that is a different thing to deal with.

He thinks as we don't live under their roof we've no obligation to tell them & it wouldn't be rude.

How weird. Without further explanation, he sounds a bit overbearing himself.

I wasn't saying the holiday information was unusual to discuss. But wondered if it was just his opportunity to make his point

Do you tend to overshare with them?

FFS telling your family you’re going on holiday is not a bloody overshare. Most people who don’t have toxic parents would tell their parents they were going on holiday!
It’s weird that OP’s DH doesn’t want her mum to know unless he’s worried she will do something annoying or weird as a result.

Is he worried they'll invite themselves along?

Well, it's true. You don't 'have to tell them'.

Will you mum want to come with you, if you tell her?