Summer born babies - am I wrong?

[Sunflowermuma]

Hi all, I'm probably BU particularly as my friends plans don't actually have any impact on me but

I have 2DD D1 is 3 and May Born. DD2 is 6m July Born

My friend has 3 kids. DS aged 7Sept, DD 3Aug and DS 5mAug

Our two daughters are both due to start school in September at different schools, my friend told me this week how she is in contact with the school to have her daughter start Sept 2020 instead as she's summer born. I asked why as her daughter is already in nursery 5 days, has no health issues and certainly isn't behind on development. Her reasoning? She just doesn't want a child to be youngest in the year.

Her son is very bright and doing really well at school and she puts that down to his sept birthday.

I queried her and said someone has to be the youngest and surely if she doesn't have any developmental issues the school will just say no. She replied saying that she'll make something up as she'll do what she can to get her DD ahead. Again this made no sense to me as surely having another year at nursery won't be good for her and she may get picked on once the other kids realise? She got a bit snappy with me and told me to mind my own so I now feel bad for questioning her, I was polite and tbh just trying to understand her thinking

Do people really do this? I understand delaying for developmental reasons but just to make your child the oldest instead of youngest?

I'm a summer baby. According to my parents I struggled for the first year of school compared to my older peers. However I have no recollection of this because in the long run it had NO impact on my life! I did well academically better than my friends who were nearly a year older. I would have been annoyed if my parents had chosen to keep me back a year for primary thus having a rolling impact on starting secondary, college, uni and commence a career just for the sake of a few months of me not being top of the class aged 4.

How do you know it had no impact on your life? How can you know what could/would have happened had you gone a year later?

Keeptheaspidistra
congratulations. Not the same for everyone though as shown as in literally dozens of studies.
Summerborn here too - no issues for me. Diff story for sumnerborn DP.
Delaying both my July DC

My two were born in April and May, attended a Montessori nursery 2.5 hrs a day from 2.5yrs, both then skipped kindergarten as they could read, write and do simple arithmetic and would have been bored to tears so both were the youngest in their classes throughout primary then we moved country. Never did them any harm and both left education with masters degrees.

Sb74, I think deferral will be quite normal, so no teasing. The eldest people in our year didn’t get teased (but maybe that’s because they were coincidentally the brightest kids in the year). They’re often at an advantage too because they can do activities that are dependent on age before many others.

@ReaganSomerset I don't get your point?

It depends on the child. My DS is an early Sep baby, literally born a couple of days off being in the year above. He was ready for Reception for the term of his 4th birthday. Fortunately he was in a nursery class that shared facilities with reception and they took him in with the reception group almost straight away in nursery so he basically did reception twice. His friends while in the nursery class were all kids from reception, he was emotionally ready for reception from age 4. He's academically advanced now in Y3 and I've always felt he's been kept back a year...maybe this proves the point about the advantages of a autumn baby (!) I'd certainly rather have this issue than the challenges that can come with a summer-born.

If only there could be a system more tailored to individual needs of the child rather than an arbitrary date cut-off.

@Sb74 I personally think that if you’ve worked out the best start to school life for your child they will be confident enough to cope with petty comments from others and being the eldest they will be well equipped to cope with those sort of situations.

I’m another in Scotland who deferred . For us it had nothing to do with readiness for P1 (he was similar to his peers) but wewanted him to be older when sitting his exams in high school and didn’t want to risk that he might start University at 17 which can happen with the Scottish schooling system.

I think regardless of the realities of the ‘benefits’ there is no evidence of harm. I did worry about that extra year at nursery but they already have to adapt to a wide range of abilities and this was easily within there scope as he is bright but not gifted or anything.

@Desmondo2016 thank god you’re not in Ireland, full free childcare doesn’t apply. School finishes for 4 yr olds at 1.40 latest 😂😂

@Lucked that’s a great point that the there isn’t really any harm in delaying and if there was any impact the child could potentially move up a year group if needs be whereas the harm from not delaying a child that needs it cannot so easily be rectified and can cause long term damage which can’t ever be turned around. One of my sons who always struggled and was at the bottom just completely gave up and put in zero effort as he thought he’d fail anyway despite all the help offered. He lost all enthusiasm for school and got dreadful exam results. Has done brilliantly on an apprenticeship since he left school but the school years were a nightmare for him & us.

and didn’t want to risk that he might start University at 17 which can happen with the Scottish schooling system.

What’s the issue there? Apart from having to lie to get into the union in your first year I started uni at 17 as I left from 5th year.

White paper states summer born children after Easter break can defer until following year if parents think they are not ready emotionally for full time school. They do not have to have medical issue. You will not get government 30 free hours for them if they do extra year at nursery. They still remain with cohort they start with so do not skip a year. They are entitled to X years mandatory education funding same as other children. It is not as if they are having an extra year. Parents do what they think best for their child.

It's a well-known fact that summer babies lag behind on average but it does totally depend on the child. Some are just really READY young. Boys are also usually a bit behind girls around that age so that's also a factor

It's subjective but yes all research shows summer babies at a huge disadvantage. Why do you care so much?

Sunshine, they won’t be the eldest in high school though? Children in older years may find out and tease. Anyway, makes no odds to me my kids are well past starting school. It’s up to parents what they do but I do think you need to consider the longer term picture. I don’t think I would have deferred my kids if they were summer babies but that’s just me.

Schmoo, it ain’t like the old days now ;) I was 17 when started uni. The bouncers felt sorry for me so they said they’d let me in for freshers week, but i couldn’t get back in until I turned 18 after that.
I had all the qualifications I needed to get into uni in 5th year but I was too young to start uni (had to be 17.5 to be enrol on the course). Sixth year was a laugh though, no pressure about results.

In Ireland th e y accept kids closer to 6 first. My first two started a few months before five and were both youngest. One has had trouble the other hasnt so I think it depends. The other thing is she mightn't want to tell you issues she has with her child, maybe they're really not ready and she's covering up

I have a late August boy. After much deliberation we decided to start reception at the usual year, albeit in a small and very nurturing school. No problems so far, but I do worry about how it will be in later years, transition to Y1 in particular. I know a few families with late summer borns who repeated year 1 or even year 2 (in private system), when they realised that the boys are just not ready for demands of year 1 curriculum.
So I fully understand thosr who defer the start and still not sure if we made the right decision.
I do think that the model of play-based kindergarden with later start of formal learning would benefit all children, as by 6 or 7 the difference between birthdays becomes much less ptonounced. Currently the system does not work well for working parents, as if you are delaying the entry to reception it means spending another year in nursery/preschool which is geared toward much younger children. In my child's preschool the older children do become obviouly bored as 3 year olds require different set up from almost 5 year olds.

In answer to the OP though, I don’t think your friend is deferring purely because she doesn’t want her child to be the youngest in the year, I think she prob means that she doesn’t think her child is ready to start school at 4.

Here in the UK we start kids at school so young. In my opinion, too young. All kids are different and some are ready to take on school at just four, but I truly believe that most are not. Just looking at their behaviour in the playground compared to kids who start older in different countries...

Am I right to say that the British starting age is the (or one of the) youngest in the world? I am
Australian and five or now even six is the norm, my friends in japan and America didn’t start until six; many European countries are seven. I have no idea why we feel the need to force our kids into school so young. They are so little and get so tired and they should be learning social skills, not how to read at age four.

None of mine were really ready for school at age four, for different reasons. A number of mums at my daughter’s pre school (in Australia) were waiting until their boys were around six, just because they thought it better. And no one questions it, because you are allowed a little more freedom there to make the right choices for your own family.

I don’t think you were BU to ask your friend what her thinking was however nor do I think she is wrong for waiting another year. I agree with her and would do exactly the same if I could!

I understand it is becoming easier to do that here, which is fabulous news. In my opinion :)

@Sb74 we’ve had 5 kids go through school already and 3 have left as are adults so we are well aware of what could & couldn’t happen. Our son will be the eldest in his year unless there are any other summerborns that delayed too. Our main concerns were the detrimental effects starting aged just 4 would have had on our son not what may or may not happen years down the line. Our preschool, Health Visitor speech therapist and the first school all agreed he needed another year at preschool as did everyone that knows him. Him thriving at school rather than struggling far outweighs any potential petty teasing when he’s a teenager.

I really don’t think teasing will be an issue. I think it’ll be the norm soon to see summer kids defer. I don’t think all will, but it certainly won’t be unusual.

booboo I know this because I have absolutely no recollection of the examples my parents have told me about, the "struggles" my parents considered me to have had in comparison with older peers. They have had no negative impact on my life whatsoever. I never felt I struggled at school. And I also I know this because I'm the best expert on my own (summer baby) life .

As far as I know, if a school is legally designated to have children up to 11 years only then the issue arises in year 6 as a 12 year old isn't supposed to be there. May be exceptions for clear and diagnosed additional needs. Best bet is a school that has mixed age classes.