Summer born babies - am I wrong?

[Sunflowermuma]

Hi all, I'm probably BU particularly as my friends plans don't actually have any impact on me but

I have 2DD D1 is 3 and May Born. DD2 is 6m July Born

My friend has 3 kids. DS aged 7Sept, DD 3Aug and DS 5mAug

Our two daughters are both due to start school in September at different schools, my friend told me this week how she is in contact with the school to have her daughter start Sept 2020 instead as she's summer born. I asked why as her daughter is already in nursery 5 days, has no health issues and certainly isn't behind on development. Her reasoning? She just doesn't want a child to be youngest in the year.

Her son is very bright and doing really well at school and she puts that down to his sept birthday.

I queried her and said someone has to be the youngest and surely if she doesn't have any developmental issues the school will just say no. She replied saying that she'll make something up as she'll do what she can to get her DD ahead. Again this made no sense to me as surely having another year at nursery won't be good for her and she may get picked on once the other kids realise? She got a bit snappy with me and told me to mind my own so I now feel bad for questioning her, I was polite and tbh just trying to understand her thinking

Do people really do this? I understand delaying for developmental reasons but just to make your child the oldest instead of youngest?

Is there really a legal max age a kid can be in primary school?
If the English system has shifted to now allow deferrals, they’ll surely then also be allowed in school with their 11 year old classmates when they’re 12?

As far as I’m aware there has always been children of different ages in schools, when they move here from abroad for eg they often go into a different age group. Where we live we still have the 3 tier system so 4-9, 9-13 then 13-16 and we’ve been told our son will not be skipping a year at all along the way.

@Fowles94 the point is that your personal experience is not necessarily the same as everyone else's. That because you have seen one summer born child do well does not mean it has no impact on the rest of them. That because one smoking granny didn't develop lung cancer doesn't mean that there's no link between smoking and lung cancer.

Basically that not all people are the same and it is folly to try to extrapolate from one example.

HTH

Caringcarer

There's a difference between deferring and delaying. Defer means start later on in their original year group i.e. join original reception class but after Christmas. Any child can do this if they are under 5. So a January born child doesn't legally need to start school until after Christmas.

Children who are delayed a full year start in the September after they turn 5. They DO still get free nursery care of 15/30 hours until the end of term before they turn 5. So an August baby gets free childcare until the end of the July term. The same as a September born would do .

It applies up to the term during which they turn 5. So if you delay an August born child for a year they continue to get up to 30 hours for the whole of that "extra year" in nursery or preschool

If we’d had the choice at the time our July baby would have waited a year to start school. The difference in development between her and the autumn kids is marked BUT she is thriving for her age, had bundles of confidence and really tries, strives. So, who knows. I think kids start school here far to young and should be 5 Before reception but that’s. Or the way it is. The key is not to compare your child against other kids and what they’re doing. Which extends to this situation. Your friend is doing what she thinks is best for her kid - that is no reflection on you, your child or your choices.

I was always the youngest, and usually the shortest, in my class at school. Can’t say I ever found it a disadvantage.

Defer here (Scotland) means start a year later, not joining their original class group. Also, you’re not entitled to the nursery hours if you defer (unless they’re born 1st Jan to 1st March), but generally you still get them unless the nursery would be overcrowded as a result.

From what I understood you can defer your place but the child would still be in the same school year...

Have not RTFT, as this all winds me up.

My b'day is 31st August. I was not kept back a year. I have a PhD.

My DC were all born in summer. DC1 somehow overcame this advantage to obtain 11 GCSEs at A* and is now heading for Cambridge.
His younger siblings look as if they are heading similar ways.

I wouldn't give it a minute's thought, unless there's a good reason to be concerned (which, arguably, would be about the child and not about their birth month).

I know two children with bd in July. Started September having only turned 4. Both lasted 3 - 4 weeks at school and had to return to nursery. No health, development issues other than being too young. Think your friend is right to try and delay school entry. Will be surprised if school do not co-operate.

@nojellybabies 😂😂 ‘Bingo!’

Sorry - should add that DC1 didn't start in Reception, as I was happy to have him at home and didn't see the need. He was fine at home, academically and socially. School (independent) was happy to reserve a place for him to start in Y1. Tried the same with the others, but they wanted to start in Reception, so they did.

I have a dd who if she had been born 9 hrs later would be in the yr below the one she is actually in. Academically she never struggled and was completely ready for school (although she sometimes struggled with the emotional side of it as she was so young. She left primary in July will outstanding sat results and she is a national champion in her chosen sport. Not every summer born struggles and fails to achieve whilst at primary. I think quite frankly she would have been bored to have been in nursery for another year.

Different things work for different kids :)

Antimony
Lucky you.
Not all children have the same extraordibary abilities.

RTFT and perhaps add The Summerborn Effect to your reading list. The facts are there.

My nan smoked 20 a day until she was in her 90s and died of old age. So smoking can't cause lung cancer right?

I've taught some very bright Autumn born children. It's clear that they have an obvious advantage being almost a year older than some of their Summer-born peers.

This said, I've also taught many Autumn born children who, whilst bright, absolutely know it and often lack enthusiasm or motivation to be the best that they can be because everything is easy.

I'd much rather have a younger child who was intrinsically motivated than an Autumn born like the above, to be honest.

@Angela712 If my DC are extraordinarily able, they have evidently inherited it from me.

Otherwise, one of my summer-born DC is unusually bright, but the others are perfectly average. However, they would all have been bored stiff if they'd been kept back a year. Worrying about this is a current fad, and people really ought to just crack on and not think too much about their children's birth month/s. Someone has to be the oldest in the year, and someone has to be the youngest. The whole thing is arbitrary, and they will all be fine in the end.

BTW, @Angela712, I think all children, regardless of birth month, benefit enormously from not going to nursery. Mine certainly did.

@antimonysalts

Then why does study after study show you are wrong????

It’s not about oldest/youngest, it’s that few children are ready for full time school from age 4. I don’t think it’s a passing fad, I think it will become the norm to not start school until 5 (at least). No one is doing it to appear trendy.

My DS is 31st August. His friend is 1st Sept (born the year before)
They are in the same class, and had a joint birthday weekend this year, where my DS turned 9 and his friend turned 10.
Now DS is in year 5 and will be year 6 next year, we are really noticing the difference in maturity.
Academically, he's pretty good and his school have good systems in place. But socially and in terms of maturity, he is way way behind many of his peers.
A lot of them (who are already 10) are getting fed up with him, because he's "babyish" for them.
It's not a coincidence that he spends break times with year 4 and 3 kids
I wish we had done it.

😪

Phew! We can all ignore the various actual real studies and statistics because a few anonymous posters on here have kids who were born in the summer and did ok. 🤦

Frankly it really depends on the child. Mine was 2nd youngest yet 2nd tallest through primary. She was always treated as older than her age and being surrounded by adults always behaved in a more adult way, quietly spoken, not attention seeking and although not confident to stick her hand up would speak if spoken to. She was intelligent enough to hold her own in terms of school work, never a straight A grade child but worked hard to compensate.
A complete contrast though to the girl 2 weeks younger and probably 2nd smallest in class very unfortunately this one was young for her age, disruptive in class, not able to still still or follow instructions, and really not ready for school, back then a later start wasn't an option which was a shame for her as I think she struggled throughout school with being very obviously young even for the age she actually was.

YABU can't see the problem with letting every parent make the individual decision about what is right for their child. Some children will be more than ready to go, others won't be. The reasons why won't necessarily be visible to other people an academically bright child may still be emotionally immature; a sporty and socially confident child may just not be ready to engage with reading and writing.

I can't see this leading to everyone deferring their summerborn children as it would simply not be right for every child -- and I know from experience that there are also some children who are ready and want to be accelerated into the year above (e.g. with a September birthday but ready to start earlier). However, having the option can help children who need it!

PS it's not true that you have to catch up a year later.

But Antimony, you are proving the point -- not all parents of summerborn children will think it is right to defer. It is a very individual decision.