Parents want to sleep on our sofa when we have our newborn

[HighlandRed]

My due date with our first DC is less than a week away. We live 250 miles from my parents who are lovely and very supportive. We live in a city in a one bedroom flat so it's going to be cramped with a newborn as it is.

My parents have always said they'll come down for a few days when he baby is born to meet him or her. My mum understands and has talked about staying in a hotel, my dad wants to sleep on our sofa and has said he's "bringing a sleeping bag". They're not wealthy but not hard up either and go on a few holidays each year.

I feel guilty not having the space to accommodate them but don't want to come out of hospital and have two extra people sleeping in our front room when it's a tiny space as it is. AIBU to say they need to stay in a hotel?

DH and I can't afford to pay for the hotel.

YANBU

They need to stay in a hotel. Your father is being ridiculous.

Feck off. You're going to be bleeding, sweating and leaking milk everywhere, potentially walking a crying baby around. That's afterwards. If they come up beforehand you're going to be sweaty, hangry and not sleeping.

Nope.

Find them a nice Air B+B.

It would depend for me whether they are staying over because they’re going to help around the house and help with the baby while you sleep or whether you’ll just have 2 extra people to look after as well as your baby. If it’s the former I’d gladly give up my living room. If it’s the latter then no chance!

My in-laws stayed in our spare room a day after I’d given birth and just got home. It was awful and I honestly believe it had an impact on my post natal depression. Say no.

And my in-laws are lovely and really tried to look after us but I just wanted my own space!

YANBU. explain to them that whilst you understand and appreciate they want to be supportive and included in the birth of their grandchild you would really prefer that they stay in a hotel or Airbnb nearby. Stress that you need to get your baby into a good routine. Those first few days are precious for a new family. You certainly don’t need to be worried about people sleeping on the sofa - parents or not. Sounds as if your mum understands so approach her about it. Good luck with the birth.

No.

They need to book a hotel like your mum said. Your dad is being mean and stupid.

YANBU. You have every right to say no! You need your own space.

They need to find somewhere to stay. Babies don’t just magically sleep all night, so realistically one of you will likely be up at all times during the night while the other sleeps. With both of ours one of us camped out in the lounge with the baby while the other got some sleep in bed, waking and switching off as needed for feeds. We did that all night for about the first 4-6 weeks. No way we could have managed house guests. My family live abroad and when my parents came to stay, they got an AirBnB down the road.

We have a 6 bed house. DH has regular conversations with his parents about them coming down when baby was born and that they would need to stay in a hotel. All good.

Until she arrived (traumatic birth for all of us). He asked them to come down. They refused unless we put them up. When he said we couldn’t they refused to come. Eventually they came for the day (9 hours travelling for a 2 hour visit). Arseholes.

If they are coming down to be helpful and supportive they will be more helpful and supportive if they are bright eyed and bushy tailed after a decent nights sleep. If they are on your sofa bed in a one bed flat then no one will get a good nights sleep. You and you oh might also need the sofa for a night time perch if walking the baby or giving the other a few minutes respite.

Your parents sound lovely but they need to remember what life with a new born is like. Far better that they sleep in a hotel or B and B and come round to yours when they are washed and breakfasted and at a sensible time in the morning. Preferably bearing fresh Danish pastries and something for lunch.

That's what I'm thinking- we are going to be up all night, trying to establish feeding and needing to use the front room to bring the baby in/ walk around etc, not have my dad on the sofa in a sleeping bag. I just feel guilty saying no you have to pay for a hotel as they are very excited about the baby. I also feel angry with my dad for even suggesting this as I think it's so bad it's almost obnoxious, and he makes things difficult for my mum.

Fuck no.
I just wanted to to heal and cuddle my baby.
Why does a new born suddenly turn family into selfish bastards? No thought whatsoever for the new mum's mental or physical state.

As PP said, one of you may need to sleep on couch yourselves to try to get at least some sleep.

Have you talked to your mum about it? How does she feel about your dad's suggestion and what does she say to it/him? It sounds as though they're not talking to each other about it

You could suggest an Airbnb if you feel bad suggesting they fork out for a hotel.

Hell no! Be polite but very firm, repeat as often as necessary for it to sink in.

Speak to your mum and say what you have here.

You're quite right that you'll need your space.

When DS was tiny DH often used to take him out of the bedroom in the night when crying (nappy rather than feeding issue) and into the lounge to change/soothe him to give me a break and chance to sleep.

Your DH can't do that if your parents are sleeping in the lounge.

Equally you and DH wont want to be hosting/feeding guests. All your focus will be on bonding with your baby and establishing a routine - which will be very hard with other people there continually.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not someone who takes the line of no visitors for 2 weeks. I think it's lovely to share the joy of a new arrival with family, but in the early weeks it really needs to be for only a few hours on any given day and certainly not every day.

You also (depending on the birth) might need personal space wrt the bathroom as and when you need it and not be in position to wait for a guest taking an hour long bath.

If your DF wants to be difficult it's up to your DM to manage this time - you need to put yourself, DH and newborn first.

Find out local hotel prices and then present them with a list of nearby accommodation. Your dad is being unreasonable. Talk to your mum, she'll probably know exactly what you're talking about. Wishing you a swift and painless labour when the time comes

Ah, your DF likes to make life difficult for your mum and is now extending that to you. Tell him that he can't stay on the sofa. If you think it will help, get your DH to tell him. Your DF sounds like a bit of a bully so he might respond better to your DH creating a boundary.

Airbnbs are like £30-40...and won't you be on the sofa fairly regularly?

NO.
Airbnb or travelodge if money is an issue.
Your dad is being ridiculous but he has never actually given birth and probably has no clue.

Your parents won't be able to do anything useful overnight with a newborn so they don't need to stay. It's definitely a time you kindly, but firmly, stick up for what you want to do.

Airbnb is the answer!

Just be quite blunt that you'll be bleeding and leaking milk and unless he fancies his sleep being disturbed all night with you walking round with your boobs hanging out, he'd better find a hotel. Get your mum to remember her first few days too. "Women's stuff" will soon get him to shut up