Parents want to sleep on our sofa when we have our newborn

[HighlandRed]

My due date with our first DC is less than a week away. We live 250 miles from my parents who are lovely and very supportive. We live in a city in a one bedroom flat so it's going to be cramped with a newborn as it is.

My parents have always said they'll come down for a few days when he baby is born to meet him or her. My mum understands and has talked about staying in a hotel, my dad wants to sleep on our sofa and has said he's "bringing a sleeping bag". They're not wealthy but not hard up either and go on a few holidays each year.

I feel guilty not having the space to accommodate them but don't want to come out of hospital and have two extra people sleeping in our front room when it's a tiny space as it is. AIBU to say they need to stay in a hotel?

DH and I can't afford to pay for the hotel.

I learned this lesson the hard way without DS1 - way too many visitors too quickly and it had a massive impact on my physical and mental health. Please lay down the law before your baby arrives! I’ve just had DS2 and I’ve been very clear this time - late morning visits only and for a couple of hours max, when my parents insisted on coming for longer they had to walk dogs, take out DS1 and I gave them chores to do too! If your parents are coming for a few days, tell your mum what you’d like doing. She could do washing/ironing etc for you and be clear how long they can stay for.

Thank you all for the responses. I'm worried about the impact all the people around us will have on my mental health and our bonding to be honest, as I know it's going to be a huge change for DH and I and we need to navigate through that ourselves.

I have spoken to my DM (who totally gets it and is lovely) and she has said they are going to book into a hotel. I need to clarify the number of nights with her, I want to say no more than 3, I haven't had that conversation yet but I don't think they'd pay for an extended stay and they have never used air B&B. It will be helpful having her around as she does cook and clean etc and she will want to be useful. I don't want to delay them meeting their grandchild but I'm just going to be honest about how I'm feeling and ask them to go for a walk/ go to the supermarket etc when they're here if I need a bit of space.

I am going to tell DM that once we are feeling up to it we will come and visit them as well, which I'm hoping won't be too long after the baby is born. They have loads of space so it's much more convenient to do it that way.

I am telling friends not to book trips to come and see us until after the baby is born and we can work out when that fits in as some people are so enthusiastic and are already trying to book trains etc. PIL live locally so it isn't as much of an issue as they can pop in for an hour and then go home.

Are you going to try to breastfeed? My boobs were super sore (my bra hurt to wear) and I basically walked around topless for the first week or so. Plus they were put ALOT when trying to latch bub and learning how to BF. Make sure your father is aware that this may be happening in your lounge room and if he/you feel uncomfortable he may want a back up plan like do a grocery shop, go for a walk, read the paper at a cafe. My boobs were out so much at first. I hated visitors. I was also so tired I remember going to check my letterbox and then realizing (too late) that my boobs were out.

Reply with 'that's probably not a bad idea Dad, you never know how clean the linen really is at hotels'.

YANBU! You might want to be feeding on sofa - in early days I just watched boxsets when feeding!
My FIL is loaded but tight. When our first was born they offered to stay in a hotel. My DH however didn't understand why I was keen for this (I think my MIL was being sensitive).
However they visited again when baby was about 7/8 weeks and anounced they 'weren't staying in a hotel' this time . MIL is fine but FIL doesn't do anything helpful.
Put your foot down - stay firm.

YANBU. With a newborn you will need all the space you can get. The sofa will be in demand during the night for any rest either of you can snatch/feeding etc.
Even without a newborn people staying on a sofa in a small flat are a nightmare anyway - where is their stuff going (bags/clothes/washing stuff). How are four adults with a newborn going to navigate bathroom use? If you kitchen is through your sitting room you can’t even go to bed or get up and make coffee normally as the sofa use rules timings etc. Even just down to where is the bedding going during the day etc etc.
This is the very last thing you should allow to happen. They will surely understand. Your mum may just have to explain it to your ‘gung ho dad’.
Good luck.

I'm now waaaaay closer to being a grandmother than new mother but can still remember overdoing it with visitors with first baby. I even blimmin baked them cake! Second baby was different bc we lived overseas. But that meant my parents had to come to stay. Fortunately we had a large house and mum and dad were keen to explore the city as well as see their GC. They were great in fact.
But I'm logging alll these posts bc I don't want to be /that/ demanding grandparent!

Please, OP, don't let these well meaning relatives invade your space with your new baby.