Parents want to sleep on our sofa when we have our newborn

[HighlandRed]

My due date with our first DC is less than a week away. We live 250 miles from my parents who are lovely and very supportive. We live in a city in a one bedroom flat so it's going to be cramped with a newborn as it is.

My parents have always said they'll come down for a few days when he baby is born to meet him or her. My mum understands and has talked about staying in a hotel, my dad wants to sleep on our sofa and has said he's "bringing a sleeping bag". They're not wealthy but not hard up either and go on a few holidays each year.

I feel guilty not having the space to accommodate them but don't want to come out of hospital and have two extra people sleeping in our front room when it's a tiny space as it is. AIBU to say they need to stay in a hotel?

DH and I can't afford to pay for the hotel.

Airbnb. My parents came for three nights over Christmas. I found a lovely two bed flat with WiFi, Sky etc for £42 a night all in, in Greater London, walking distance from our house. A double room at the local Premier Inn was £118 per night.

We all had the best Christmas ever. I have no doubt we’d have killed each other if they’d gone with their original suggestion of an air mattress in the living room.

Could you afford to offer to pay or split the cost?

My Mil usually just announces she'll be staying with us for X weeks but even she booked a hotel when my first was born and we were living in a small flat.

PoutySprout
Am I understanding you right...you have a 6 bedroom house but refused to have your in-laws to stay when your baby was born? No wonder they refused to come! How mean of you.

Yes and no. They’re the sort of people who do fuck all to help. I was very overdue and had a very medicalised birth (caused me severe PTSD). Because of the birth DD struggled to feed and developed jaundice. I had to exclusively express. (They’re still attempting to fix some physical damage to me - and DD is now 8.)

We had no idea what to expect as new parents so pre-warned then that we needed to be free to be up when we needed to be and in various stages of undress and sleeping when we needed to be. Impossible with them around, I’m afraid. They agreed throughout the pregnancy and then changed their minds when things were far more difficult than we could have imagined.

My 85 year old grandmother didn’t even stay with my parents. She didn’t want to be any bother so stayed in a hotel. No reason they couldn’t have.

If they're in a hotel nearby they'll still be sitting in our flat all day and just go back to their room to sleep when really a couple of hours visiting a day would be enough.

That's why they need a self-catering Airbnb flat.

My Mum and Dad absolutely insisted on coming up for 2 weeks after my first was born. I knew I didn't want that (a weekend is my limit at the best of times) but they managed to convince me that I would "feel differently about it once the baby is born"
Suffice to say, I did not.
Stick to your guns OP. You will have just given birth. This should be about what you need and nothing else.

Fuck no! Do not let this happen.

If your father persists I would tell him that he and your mum are to come only when invited. My mother was desperate to see dd but I made her wait until I was emotionally ready. She’s draining. I was ready after a couple of days.

They need to stay in a hotel. You need your space to recover and rest without people under your feet.

They find their own accommodation, you're not a travel agent. You just tell them, no, no kipping on the sofa. AirB&B, hotel or nowt and mean it. Your dad doesn't get to dictate how you run your home.

Eventually they came for the day (9 hours travelling for a 2 hour visit). Arseholes.

Yes, you were. One night wouldn’t have killed you, 9 hours in one day is an horrific drive. I wouldn’t do it and I drive a lot. Surely giving up one of your 6 bedrooms wouldn’t have hurt for 24 hours.

Nope. You will be up and down all night and want the sofa. Lights on and off, noisy etc. Depending on your relationship they can come for a long visit and help. In this case I’d be tempted to book them a hotel / air b n b and pay for it.

A six bedroom house and the poor buggers had to drive nine hours in one day. And THEY are the arseholes?

Don't let them stay, think also of your DH who might be looking forward to spending time with his new family without having his PILs on the sofa.

If they stay off site you can agree how much time they spend, e.g. 'please don't come round until 10am' and still have some private time just the 3 of you.

A six bedroom house and the poor buggers had to drive nine hours in one day. And THEY are the arseholes?

FFS. 2 of the bedrooms had only just been built and were not habitable. Not that that is the point.

They agreed for at least 6 months to stay in the premier inn 2 miles up the road. Then changed their minds when the time came. It was only when DH got upset about them not seeing DD as a new born that they deigned to come down - for the day.

I was badly damaged during the birth, mentally and physically. DD was unable to feed properly due to some birth trauma. These people do nothing for themselves when they visit and would expect to be prioritised and waited on hand and foot. Fuck that.

Yes, you were. One night wouldn’t have killed you, 9 hours in one day is an horrific drive. I wouldn’t do it and I drive a lot. Surely giving up one of your 6 bedrooms wouldn’t have hurt for 24 hours.

They’d have stayed a week. At least.

Whatever. You weren’t there and you don’t know them.

AIR BNB

A home away from home no excuse to sit in your flat all day then and you can kick them out guilt free when you've had enough knowing they've got a kitchen and living room etc of their own to go back to. They sound a bit odd, sounds like your dad is very controlling and your mum is a doormat.

We also travelled to them every 4-6 weeks for about 4 years with DD, paying at least £200 a time in hotels and food because their own 4 bed house is full of shite and they won’t ever put the heating on.

This actually gets worse. They decide not to come, their son has a tantrum but still won't let them stay in one of the three spare bedrooms and allows them to drive nine hours in one day. Wow.

I thank the lord for my MIL who would swiftly move into my house as soon as I left for the hospital.
Each time I came home (to no washing and a freezer of curries and casseroles) her bag was in the hall and her coat was on. "Welcome home, tea in the pot, cake on the side, see you in a week or so" and a toot of her car horn as she drive off on her 110 mile journey home.

Maybe after 2 or 3 sleepless nights waking up every time the baby does, they might change their minds? Don't shush the baby up though.!

This actually gets worse. They decide not to come, their son has a tantrum but still won't let them stay in one of the three spare bedrooms and allows them to drive nine hours in one day. Wow.

He absolutely didn’t have a tantrum.

They chose to drive down for the day. Nobody forced them.

They’re complete twats in a lot of aspects of life and have absolutely reaped what they’ve sown now. All because they couldn’t keep their side of the deal.

I would just say that my husband planned to sleep on the sofa so that I had the bed to myself.

PoutySprout YANBU.

What some pp don’t seem to get is that house guests with a newborn doesn’t get magically easy just because you have a spare bedroom for them. All the arguments people have given above about needing space and privacy and not having to host are all just as valid.

My parents did this, they actually got very upset that I wouldn’t let them. It would be absolutely awful, definitely stand your ground.