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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not give it to her? CF?

150 replies

SpangledPants · 06/01/2019 08:00

Had to NC for this as it's really outing. I work for a top company who provide a very £££ exclusive luxury service. Every once in a while (like maybe once a year), as a random bonus, we are sometimes offered a (specific timeslot) freebie to enjoy these services ourselves. Having been in this company for 15yrs the novelty of a freebie has worn off a bit and we are free to offer it to close friends/relatives. Before xmas my best friend heard I had a freebie and asked if I would let her have it? I was ok about this but it necessitated handing her an electronic keycard. Over the Christmas period I tried to drop off this card but the family weren't home. On a separate day I phoned up but got no answer so I assumed (wrongly it turns out) that they'd all gone away. I then get a txt from said friend asking to come & collect the card. I replied that I'd tried to get in touch twice over xmas to drop it off but hadn't found her home & that the card had now expired. I'd need to go into work and ask if they'd allow me to have it renewed? (this isn't always possible due to scheduling). Anyway, in the middle of the night last night I got woken by an arsey text about said friend having not gone anywhere during the holidays & having been home all the time. Like she didn't believe me. She's not the drinking sort but I wonder if she was drunk last night because the message was out of character. It left me feeling a bit pissed. This is a gift, not a right and I tried to deliver it twice. I'm being (indirectly) accused of lying & she's waiting for me to renew the key. Aibu not to hand it over now? I don't want to spoil a previously good friendship but I'm feeling unappreciated here. I don't even know if it can be renewed now due to scheduling.

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 06/01/2019 15:44

Yes, I agree!

londonrach · 06/01/2019 16:09

Yanbu. Your cf of a so called friend should have arranged collection. She sounds very intitled expected you to deliver as well.

ree348 · 06/01/2019 16:14

I wouldn't bother giving it to her if she was my self entitled friend.

ShalomJackie · 06/01/2019 16:25

But you relied on her ringing you back when/if she saw your missed call.

Like any normal person would!

masterstef · 06/01/2019 16:46

Where I'm from even if you're collecting an unwanted-gift type box of toiletries someone's given away for free you make the effort to communicate with the giver and collect it as soon as you can. let alone a luxury thing that's someone's bonus!

ohtheholidays · 07/01/2019 18:03

I'd tell her to go fuck!

She's fucked up and then she's got arsey.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/01/2019 18:06

We don't even know what the arrangements were regarding the friend collecting the keycard do we?

lightlypoached · 07/01/2019 18:13

can I be your friend ?

thebaronetofcockburn · 07/01/2019 18:25

YANBU. I'd just go with 'It can't be renewed,' and tough shit for her. nO more offers, either.

MrsBombastic · 07/01/2019 18:41

Here's what you do: TALK TO YOUR FRIEND.

Yes it sounds like she'd had a few (Not cool) and I'm not not surprised you feel fed up, but you're friends so be a friend and talk to her properly about it.

If you don't and automatically don't renew the key based on assumption, it makes you as bad as her and she needs to understand that being your friend requires a reasonable amount of respect.

She's probably panicked about missing her chance and is handling it badly so give her the benefit of the doubt and talk to her.

If she accuses you of anything outright or is insufficiently contrite THEN tell her that you've spoken to your company and they cannot renew it due to scheduling, then re-evalue your friendship.

Pigflewpast · 07/01/2019 18:45

Here's what you do: TALK TO YOUR FRIEND.
Enough said

Icanttakemuchmore · 07/01/2019 19:00

Tell her it's no longer available. Cf!

mlrmummy1 · 07/01/2019 19:35

I’d be firm and tell her you’d made contact, surely she knows she’s being out of order and knows she was home, and tell her it’s too late to redeem. Out of your hands. You know you did the right thing and tried. Her loss.

Bluetrews25 · 07/01/2019 19:35

OP, YANBU.
She should have asked you when she could call to collect it. End of.
The 'arsey text' that didn't sound like her usual self - am I the only person wondering if CFs DP sent it? If it was for a trip away to a sporting event or a hotel room for x2, he might have been the other user and therefore pissed off at missing out. Friend/CF might be mortified when she sees the sent message from her phone. If she isn't mortified, she isn't a friend.
Leave the ball in her court, OP. See if she bothers with any contact.

Rudgie47 · 07/01/2019 19:39

Shes in the wrong here.
What I would do is say that it cant be renewed at the moment, you have asked and the company said no.
She was cheeky for asking in the first place then expecting you to run around after her delivering it etc. Unless she was a very good friend I'd be thinking along the lines of telling her to fuck off.

Maryjoyce · 07/01/2019 20:04

Oh dear it is too late to renew it

BumbleBeee69 · 07/01/2019 20:19

tell your friend and her spiteful entitled selfish attitude to Get to Fuck.

MyOtherLifeIsAFairytale · 07/01/2019 20:39

@SpangledPants Can I be your friend please? ;D

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 07/01/2019 20:45

Sorry but I would also feel uncomfortable having to ask a friend for a generous gift more than once.
I would assume the giver (Op) would let me know when the card was available and come and get it. Er ...which is what she did.
If she was in the loo when the Op came round she might not have known, yet she’d have been in. Op didn’t leave a message because she assumed they had gone away. Every chance the best friend didn’t see the call - maybe number withheld from work..who knows.
I don’t think she sounds cheeky. Just disappointed.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 07/01/2019 20:47

And the Op wasn’t “ expected” to go round with it. Otherwise the friend would have arranged that or said “ come round”. Which she didn’t.
She asked to collect it!

LifeImplosionImminent · 07/01/2019 21:22

OP should have made it clear there was an expiry date and arranged a set time to drop it off - OP's friend should not have got arsey and taken it on the chin as it was never her bonus in the first place.

Quite a balanced friendship I reckon

Returning2thesceneofthecrime · 07/01/2019 21:27

Here's what you do: TALK TO YOUR FRIEND

Most useful advice ever given on AIBU. Probably also least followed.

StoneofDestiny · 07/01/2019 21:39

I'd just state the fact that the card has expired and leave it at that. Then just carry on as normal (but the card wouldn't be available to the friend again). Doing a favour for a pal shouldn't be that stressful.

Roussette · 08/01/2019 07:49

am I the only person wondering if CFs DP sent it?

Yes!
I have to say, if I receive a text, I never ever imagine the person's DP might've sent it! It was the middle of the night, he'd have had to woken up too, get access to her phone (mine has fingerprint/face recognition) then decided to send a text to upset someone! Not likely!

Any progress, OP?

Turnitaroundagain · 12/01/2019 19:32

Friends don’t accuse you of lying. They give you the benefit of the doubt and should be happy to assume you are not lying (unless circumstances mean you have to). Her behaviour is very odd I’d back off.

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