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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give it to her? CF?

150 replies

SpangledPants · 06/01/2019 08:00

Had to NC for this as it's really outing. I work for a top company who provide a very £££ exclusive luxury service. Every once in a while (like maybe once a year), as a random bonus, we are sometimes offered a (specific timeslot) freebie to enjoy these services ourselves. Having been in this company for 15yrs the novelty of a freebie has worn off a bit and we are free to offer it to close friends/relatives. Before xmas my best friend heard I had a freebie and asked if I would let her have it? I was ok about this but it necessitated handing her an electronic keycard. Over the Christmas period I tried to drop off this card but the family weren't home. On a separate day I phoned up but got no answer so I assumed (wrongly it turns out) that they'd all gone away. I then get a txt from said friend asking to come & collect the card. I replied that I'd tried to get in touch twice over xmas to drop it off but hadn't found her home & that the card had now expired. I'd need to go into work and ask if they'd allow me to have it renewed? (this isn't always possible due to scheduling). Anyway, in the middle of the night last night I got woken by an arsey text about said friend having not gone anywhere during the holidays & having been home all the time. Hmm Like she didn't believe me. She's not the drinking sort but I wonder if she was drunk last night because the message was out of character. It left me feeling a bit pissed. This is a gift, not a right and I tried to deliver it twice. I'm being (indirectly) accused of lying & she's waiting for me to renew the key. Aibu not to hand it over now? I don't want to spoil a previously good friendship but I'm feeling unappreciated here. I don't even know if it can be renewed now due to scheduling.

OP posts:
HolyMountain · 06/01/2019 08:31

I wouldn’t even ask the company to see if it can be renewed.

She wasn’t that bothered at the time to ensure all was well with the favour.

I’d tell her she’s missed it.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 06/01/2019 08:32

To be honest I think the fact you turned up randomly without notice on the off chance she’d be in, same again with the call, then get annoyed she isn’t there is pretty poor on your part.

You couldn’t have sent it through the post sure, but you could have posted it through her letterbox. The only people that would pick it up would be in her family and going on the holiday, and you’d have as much chance of it being returned in a timely manner as if you personally handed it to her.

It seems like you expect her to be oh so grateful and dance to your tune ie. she can only have if it she’s there when you deign to randomly turn up. If she’s your best friend I don’t understand any of your behaviour at all.

echt · 06/01/2019 08:38

It seems like you expect her to be oh so grateful and dance to your tune ie. she can only have if it she’s there when you deign to randomly turn up. If she’s your best friend I don’t understand any of your behaviour at all

Where do you get this from?

Aeroflotgirl · 06/01/2019 08:38

I woulden't bother trying to renew the card for your rude friend, tell her you tried to contact her, she was not available, it has now expired and there is nothing that can be done. She accuses you of lying, does not sound like a good friend. A good friend would have apologised, left it.

JupiterBelle · 06/01/2019 08:38

YANBU.

Maybe she’s “given” it to someone as a Christmas present and now is upset because it’s backfired!

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 06/01/2019 08:39

Where do you get this from?

That she turned up without notice expecting her to be in, and the only other chance was one randomly timed phone call.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/01/2019 08:40

whattodo op called twice what else is she supposed to do, if it meant so much, it was up to the friend to contact her and arrange a time. This was a gift from the op, not a right!

Aeroflotgirl · 06/01/2019 08:41

Op friend if not in could see op called, so would call back, especially if she wants to use the perk, geese some people are so entitled.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 06/01/2019 08:43

Let’s not forget the op didn’t offer it to her. The cf found out about it and directly asked the op for it. If she wanted it so much She should have been a bit more proactive about getting the card.

The onus isn’t on the op to hand it over on a silver platter.

DoJo · 06/01/2019 08:43

To be honest I think the fact you turned up randomly without notice on the off chance she’d be in, same again with the call, then get annoyed she isn’t there is pretty poor on your part.

It didn't sound like the OP was annoyed to me- she tried to drop it off in person and called to arrange to hand it over and the friend want there and didn't respond. If the friend had been away, there would have been no guarantee she would even pick up the card in time, let alone return it we hen needed, so I can see why the OP didn't want to just post it without being sure they were there.

From the OP it sounds as though she was happy to try and extend it as well until her friend sent the rude message so I think the OP sounds perfectly reasonable.

Orchidflower1 · 06/01/2019 08:43

I’d say you can’t renew it tbh. Won’t you have to say to work why you want it renewed.

Godowneasy · 06/01/2019 08:53

Are you sure she meant the text in an arsey way? Maybe her text wasn't sent in the middle of the night (sometimes they are slow to arrive) and sometimes the written word can be misconstrued.

You knew the exact timeslot that was available so you could have easily let her know that even before trying to deliver the card. She's your best friend and I think it's reasonable that you should have texted her the date she needed to be available and asked her when she was available to pass the card to.

She's your best friend. Is it really worth losing a friendship over as some on here are suggesting? Just give her the benefit of the doubt!

SaturdayNext · 06/01/2019 08:58

The OP nowhere says she was annoyed her friend wasn't in, WhatToDo. You're making up rather a lot of the facts you base your opinions on.

And OP couldn't know that only her friend or her family would pick up the card if she put it through the door. Particularly at Christmas when people tend to have a lot of visitors.

NewPapaGuinea · 06/01/2019 09:01

As very coomon, poor communication has resulted in this scenario. A simple message to organise a convenient time to exchange the card is all that was needed.

Personally if I’d offered a friend this and mucked up giving to them I’d go out of my way to make amends.

Juells · 06/01/2019 09:02

Ha ha, well that's pretty unanimous 😂

I'd fudge and say that I couldn't get the card renewed. Then I'd start easing back from the friendship. She sounds very entitled. Definitely a CF.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 06/01/2019 09:03

Newpapaguinea- the op didn’t offer it though. The friend found out about it and asked for it. The onus is on the friend if she wants it.

Troels · 06/01/2019 09:04

Forget it. She does sound like a CF. She wants you to do all the running, she must have seen the missed calls, she should have proritized calling you back if it was that important.

ResistanceIsNecessary · 06/01/2019 09:06

I'd text her back:

The card has expired and can no longer be used. I'm surprised and disappointed that you are accusing me of lying when I was trying to do you a favour. In view of this perhaps it would be best for you to find someone else to provide you with freebies in the future.

NewPapaGuinea · 06/01/2019 09:07

Well agreeing she could have it is making a commitment. I agree the friend could have and should have been more proactive, but randomly turning up at someone’s house is very short sighted when a message before hand would have avoided this whole situation.

Claudia1980 · 06/01/2019 09:08

The fact she asked for your bonus is totally out of line and shows she is a CF anyway. I’d text her saying something along the lines of what others have suggested. “I was doing you a favour, I’m not going to run around after you, the card has now expired and can’t be renewed,” then slowly withdraw from the friendship.

Juells · 06/01/2019 09:11

ResistanceIsNecessary

The card has expired and can no longer be used. I'm surprised and disappointed that you are accusing me of lying when I was trying to do you a favour. In view of this perhaps it would be best for you to find someone else to provide you with freebies in the future.

Oooh nice one! Absolutely perfect.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 06/01/2019 09:11

Newpapaguinea - but the op also called the friend. The friend appears to have done nothing. Why is it all the ops responsibility to chase after her friend?

If I had asked someone for something I would consider them doing me a favour and be grateful. And you know perhaps actually tried to get hold of the card.

BertrandRussell · 06/01/2019 09:12

She shouldn’t be stroppy about it, but I don’t see why you didn’t text her to arrange a time to give her the card. Or why you didn’t drop it through her letterbox when you went round.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/01/2019 09:13

When was she supposed to be going on the freebie? Had you given her dates? Did she know about the keycard? I'm surprised you didn't let her know you'd be calling round with it or at least text her after you'd been tbh.

SoupDragon · 06/01/2019 09:17

The onus was on the friend to collect the card given she'd asked for it.

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