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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give it to her? CF?

150 replies

SpangledPants · 06/01/2019 08:00

Had to NC for this as it's really outing. I work for a top company who provide a very £££ exclusive luxury service. Every once in a while (like maybe once a year), as a random bonus, we are sometimes offered a (specific timeslot) freebie to enjoy these services ourselves. Having been in this company for 15yrs the novelty of a freebie has worn off a bit and we are free to offer it to close friends/relatives. Before xmas my best friend heard I had a freebie and asked if I would let her have it? I was ok about this but it necessitated handing her an electronic keycard. Over the Christmas period I tried to drop off this card but the family weren't home. On a separate day I phoned up but got no answer so I assumed (wrongly it turns out) that they'd all gone away. I then get a txt from said friend asking to come & collect the card. I replied that I'd tried to get in touch twice over xmas to drop it off but hadn't found her home & that the card had now expired. I'd need to go into work and ask if they'd allow me to have it renewed? (this isn't always possible due to scheduling). Anyway, in the middle of the night last night I got woken by an arsey text about said friend having not gone anywhere during the holidays & having been home all the time. Hmm Like she didn't believe me. She's not the drinking sort but I wonder if she was drunk last night because the message was out of character. It left me feeling a bit pissed. This is a gift, not a right and I tried to deliver it twice. I'm being (indirectly) accused of lying & she's waiting for me to renew the key. Aibu not to hand it over now? I don't want to spoil a previously good friendship but I'm feeling unappreciated here. I don't even know if it can be renewed now due to scheduling.

OP posts:
HolyMountain · 06/01/2019 12:32

Is this posh apartments and hotel rooms that are free to employees when there’s a gap in bookings.

It was for the friend to chase up , not the OP. I’m surprised posters think OP is at fault.

Tistheseason17 · 06/01/2019 12:42

YANBU.
You tried, you called, you dropped round. End of story. Not your fault. If she wanted it that bad SHE should have made the effort to make arrangements to get it from you. I'd never expect this of my best friends.

I'd say it has not been renewed unfortunately, and hopefully next time we can make it work.

DarlingNikita · 06/01/2019 12:48

I think she was a cheeky mare to ask for the freebie in the first place, cheekier not to answer your call or at least follow it up, and cheekier still to send you an arsey text.

I'd ignore the text and if she contacts you about it again, say breezily that it's expired and it's a pity you weren't able to get hold of her in time, but there you go. If she responds well she's a good friend. If not she's a greedy grabbing mare.

Drum2018 · 06/01/2019 12:48

I agree that it was up to her to chase the card, not up to you to chase her to give it to her. Ignore her text or simply say it cannot be renewed, and don't bother trying to get it renewed. She has some cheek!

Santaclarita · 06/01/2019 12:51

I can only assume that the friend in question has found this thread and got her family to make accounts to say you're the bad guy here. Otherwise there's a lot of entitled cfs on mn.

You aren't being unreasonable. She is. If she wanted it that badly, she could have contacted you. I wouldn't even have gone round with it. When you want something, you go and get it. You don't expect other people to run around after you, especially when it's free for god sake.

She is a moron and was probably drunk when she sent the text, not that that really makes a difference.

Myimaginaryreindeerhasfleas · 06/01/2019 12:52

Can you screenshot the record of your calls?

I’d send these with a breezy “Looks like we missed each other somehow. Can’t renew the card I’m afraid so none of us will get to use it. Never mind, it was a nice idea!” And disengage.

dustarr73 · 06/01/2019 12:53

Or why you didn’t drop it through her letterbox when you went round

Did you not read the thread,its because the cards are valuable and have to be dropped back to the ops workplace

JillScarlet · 06/01/2019 13:01

She’s your best friend and seems to be acting out of character so I am not sure you are wanting to escalate this?

I would reply “Communication over the Christmas period seems to have got the better of us, sorry you didn’t have time to pick up my missed call on xxx day, but anyway, I’ll see what I can do about getting it rescheduled and let you know “

Did you not leave a voicemail when you called her?

JillScarlet · 06/01/2019 13:11

“recently had to refuse to buy a ticket for my husband’s friend’s teenage daughter’s friend “

Good grief, NO WAY would I be even thinking of favours with people at that sort of distance!

trojanpony · 06/01/2019 13:14

I have had similar to this in the past.
The fact they themselves didn’t have to sell out of £££ means they place no real value on it.

I’ve previously chased people around London to give them VIP box tickets to O2 gigs/ highly demanded rugby and football games etc. and now I just don’t bother as the casual demands+ingratitude was just mind blowing.

I agree with the others on here that suggest you don’t even try to renew and send a breezy “sorry not sorry we missed each other, never mind”

Yulebealrite · 06/01/2019 13:16

Did she really get arsey or did she just point out that she had been home?
TBH trying twice wasn't much.

cuppycakey · 06/01/2019 13:19

yanbu -

She is a proper cheeky fucker. I would tell her it has expired and you are no longer able to dish them out to friends

Creatureofthenight · 06/01/2019 13:22

If my friend was doing me a favour I would feel a bit uncomfortable about being the one to chase it up tbh, as it’s a favour so done on the giver’s terms. I do agree with plenty of PP that it would have been more straightforward to just text her saying the card was available to collect and to include the expiry date.

MerdedeBrexit · 06/01/2019 13:25

TBH trying twice wasn't much. Surely, it was up to the friend to make an effort to collect the key herself, the OP shouldn't have been running around after her trying to give her the key. The friend should have made an arrangement to collect it at a time suitable for the OP. The OP was doing her friend a favour, not the other way round, why on earth should she put herself out only to be accused of lying?

RockinHippy · 06/01/2019 13:35

Sooo, you do your friend a big favour, she expects you to run around & deliver it & makes no attempt to contact you to organise getting it from you herself & then accuses you of lying when you very generously tried to deliver it to her, but she wasn't home.

Erm, sod that for a lark, she's an ungrateful CF & would be getting nothing more from me

ciderhouserules · 06/01/2019 13:36

So wailmer - you might ask for a time-sensitive favour from a friend, and then go about your Christmas social life, not being in, not answering a phone call, and expecting your friend to make all the running to provide you with this favour? You don't see a problem with this?

CF, for sure.

missperegrinespeculiar · 06/01/2019 13:40

trying twice wasn't much? how many times should the OP have attempted to do the CF a favour? If it were me, once you said yes I would make sure to contact you and make a time, not ignore phone calls when I know perfectly well you are attempting to give me a gift, especially at a busy time such as Christmas, the OP was very generous to try twice frankly!

Yulebealrite · 06/01/2019 13:40

Like creature I'd feel uncomfortable hounding someone for a favour they'd agreed to. I would however move heaven and earth to pick it up if it was actually communicated to me that I needed to.
As I said. was it really an "arsey text" or did she just point out that she'd been home?

MulticolourMophead · 06/01/2019 13:45

I agree it is a priviledge not a right. It was a favour to OP's friend, so the friend should have been doing the running around.

If my friend was doing me a favour I would feel a bit uncomfortable about being the one to chase it up tbh, as it’s a favour so done on the giver’s terms.

As it was agreed between OP and friend, then the friend could easily as OP what she (friend) needed to do to, eg come and collect key.

I also agree with another poster that people don't value what they haven't paid for, I've seen some freebies go to waste too.

brookshelley · 06/01/2019 14:00

At a previous job we could access VIP boxes for sporting events, they required a key card and if not returned or lost you’d be fined something like £100 per card.

So if OP is talking about something like that I wouldn’t drop it in a postbox either!

diddl · 06/01/2019 14:39

" I would feel a bit uncomfortable about being the one to chase it up tbh,"

It didn't need "chasing up"

It needed the friend to contact Op to arrange to collect it.

OnBail · 06/01/2019 15:02

Many years ago I worked for Asda, we had a 10% discount card and just before Christmas we got 20% off on a particular day. I used it to buy our Christmas food/presents/booze etc.

These cards are for family only and misuse would result in you being sacked.

Anyway one year dp, with my agreement, told his best mate that we would extend discount to him and he could get some booze, like a crate of beer and a bottle of vodka. We only did this as the friends were skint and struggling with money.

A few days later I went round for the money and order and they gave me nearly £200 and a massive list, turns out they had offered the discount to all their family and friends and neighbours! I got it all on that occasion but never offered the discount to them again.

dustarr73 · 06/01/2019 15:04

8" I would feel a bit uncomfortable about being the one to chase it up tbh,"*

Well she had no problem asking for the favour.So shouldnt have any shame in 2chasing it up"

HollowTalk · 06/01/2019 15:10

It's always interesting to read this sort of thread where it's pretty clearcut who's being unreasonable, to find so many posters who clearly behave in that way themselves and think they're completely reasonable.

ciderhouserules · 06/01/2019 15:42

Hollow - it's also interesting to see the ones who are complete doormats and think that everyone should put themselves out to the Nth degree because they do!