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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not give it to her? CF?

150 replies

SpangledPants · 06/01/2019 08:00

Had to NC for this as it's really outing. I work for a top company who provide a very £££ exclusive luxury service. Every once in a while (like maybe once a year), as a random bonus, we are sometimes offered a (specific timeslot) freebie to enjoy these services ourselves. Having been in this company for 15yrs the novelty of a freebie has worn off a bit and we are free to offer it to close friends/relatives. Before xmas my best friend heard I had a freebie and asked if I would let her have it? I was ok about this but it necessitated handing her an electronic keycard. Over the Christmas period I tried to drop off this card but the family weren't home. On a separate day I phoned up but got no answer so I assumed (wrongly it turns out) that they'd all gone away. I then get a txt from said friend asking to come & collect the card. I replied that I'd tried to get in touch twice over xmas to drop it off but hadn't found her home & that the card had now expired. I'd need to go into work and ask if they'd allow me to have it renewed? (this isn't always possible due to scheduling). Anyway, in the middle of the night last night I got woken by an arsey text about said friend having not gone anywhere during the holidays & having been home all the time. Like she didn't believe me. She's not the drinking sort but I wonder if she was drunk last night because the message was out of character. It left me feeling a bit pissed. This is a gift, not a right and I tried to deliver it twice. I'm being (indirectly) accused of lying & she's waiting for me to renew the key. Aibu not to hand it over now? I don't want to spoil a previously good friendship but I'm feeling unappreciated here. I don't even know if it can be renewed now due to scheduling.

OP posts:

ChasedByBees · 06/01/2019 09:50

I would just say it sounds like she thinks you’re lying, as that is what you’re now annoyed about. Sort that out first.

NewerMoreBoringNameFor2019 · 06/01/2019 09:52

She was cheeky to ask in the first place but since you agreed, you don’t seem to have tried very hard to arrange handing the card over.

All you needed to do was text her saying, ‘card gets you the freebie on X date, from X time to X time so you’ll need to collect it from me by X date. It expires on X date, by the way, and I can’t change it. So if that time slot doesn’t work for you, let me know.’

It seems like you’ve made it harder than it needed to be by my actually telling her wtf was going on.

SoupDragon · 06/01/2019 10:01

She was cheeky to ask in the first place but since you agreed, you don’t seem to have tried very hard to arrange handing the card over.

The friend made even less effort to collect the freebie the OP was letting her have.

billybagpuss · 06/01/2019 10:03

It will be interesting to see if she apologises this morning.

billybagpuss · 06/01/2019 10:05

Have you replied to her text?

Hezz · 06/01/2019 10:08

Look come on people.

I surely can't be the only one wondering what the keycard is for?

What's the bonus?

iseecabbages · 06/01/2019 10:09

If you’ve been talking about your work bonus to friend and told her you are not too bothered about it, then maybe that’s why she asked for it? A little bit cheeky, but hardly makes her the grabby cow you’re implying.

She’s also not accused you lying, by the limited info given, she just seems baffled by how she’s missed your attempts to drop the card off. And I can only speak for myself here, but my phone doesn’t always show missed calls?

Also what does friends messaged ‘to come and collect the card’ Was she wanting to call and collect the card from you, or the other way round.

I don’t know if there’s a lot of history of cf behaviour on her part, but if it’s bothering you then just tell her you can’t renew the card and scale back the friendship, but on the face it looks like your are looking to take offense and create drama out of situation of your own making.

m0therofdragons · 06/01/2019 10:10

If I dropped by to see a friend and she wasn't there and then called and got no answer, I'd send a text rather than assume she'd gone on holiday.

Her last message was rude but you've not been a great friend in this either. She asked and you could have said no but you said yes. She may have been busy over Christmas but didn't know there was a deadline (a text could have sorted this), she messaged asking when was convenient to collect and then is really disappointed that she has missed the deadline she didn't know existed because you didn't tell her. She's not handled it with dignity but you labelled her a cf for asking to use it when A) you didn't want to use it and B) you said yes. Next time say no to avoid disappointment.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/01/2019 10:12

If the OP told the friend she wasn't interested in the freebie now after 15 years, would it have been cheeky for the friend to ask for it?

This whole scenario depends on how things were said and what sort of relationship both these women have. Only the OP will ever know that.

diddl · 06/01/2019 10:13

"Right before Christmas? When the OP could have gifted it to friends or extended family or donated it to the school raffle/charity auction, where it would probably be the “main” prize?"

Then Op would have just have nhad to say no it wasn't available.

Ethel36 · 06/01/2019 10:13

I think you've learned your lesson. Don't give your bonus to some one doesnt appreciate it. Dont offer next time. Only offer to family.

SoupDragon · 06/01/2019 10:17

you labelled her a cf for asking to use it

I don't think she did. She said "Before xmas my best friend heard I had a freebie and asked if I would let her have it? I was ok about this..."

I think the CFery is being arsy and demanding the OP goes to the trouble of getting it re-issued.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/01/2019 10:19

Crikey! What is it with communication today?

You knock on someone's door, you are an uninvited cheeky fucker

You ring without preareanging a time and you deserve to be ignored.

How the hell do you communicate to arrange a call? Serendipitously pass on the street?

OP just tell her she's missed the chance and, given her attitude, you won't be offering again.

CottonTailRabbit · 06/01/2019 10:24

When someone gives me something as a favour I am the one who goes to their house to pick it up at a time that suits the giver not me, with as little trouble to organise for the giver as possible. All the running done by me.

Your friend is a CF to not arrange to come round to collect at a time convenient to you SpangledPants. That you went round twice and chased with phone calls suggest that you are a bit of a doormat and doormats attract CF.

I'd respond to her message with "What are you saying?" She can double down on calling you a liar and you know she's no friend or she can back down, apologise and the friendship is saved. Put it back on her.

ILoveAllRainbows · 06/01/2019 10:41

Why didn't you text her when she didn't answer your call?

I don't reply to missed calls because they often dialled in error.

If you had texted her and she has still ignored you then fine. But you relied on her ringing you back when/if she saw your missed call.

OutPinked · 06/01/2019 10:45

Is there a reason you didn’t call or text her first to find out whether she’d be in before calling round? People usually send a quick text to say “wanting to drop the card around, will you be in?”.

Aside from that, I think this friendship is over.

Roussette · 06/01/2019 10:48

The friend is getting something for nothing. Something very nice. She is the one who should be putting in the effort to collect it. Not the person who is giving it.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 06/01/2019 10:49

If someone is doing you a favour, you should go out of your way to ensure you cause as little stress and don't put that person out. Op has called round and phoned, after that it's up to the friend to ensure she does whatever she can to accommodate the op. I'd not now be going out of my way to renew the card and not bother offering it the friend again

mcmooberry · 06/01/2019 10:50

Hmmmm I would think the friend would have come round to get the card in a shot if she had been given the opportunity and my impression is the OP didn't make it easy for her to have the bonus, maybe thinking it was cheeky of her to ask. Her OP says she was "ok" about it which sounds a bit lukewarm to me.

WhatwouldCJdo · 06/01/2019 10:54

This requires the old classic. Text her and say "did you mean to be rude?"

DanielRicciardosSmile · 06/01/2019 10:57

@Hezz, I'm so glad I'm not the only one! I've been reading the whole thread trying to work out what the luxury service that requires a key card is.

Missing the point, I know

SaturdayNext · 06/01/2019 12:16

But the friend did send a text to ask about coming to collect the card. After the the OP had called unannounced to drop it off.

Clearly she didn't hurry, otherwise the card wouldn't have expired.

SaturdayNext · 06/01/2019 12:17

Why didn't you text her when she didn't answer your call?

I don't reply to missed calls because they often dialled in error.

Even a call from your best friend, ILoveAllRainbows? That's really quite weird. Especially when you know your best friend is trying to do you a favour.

Sewrainbow · 06/01/2019 12:25

Can't believe pp are making out you're at fault?!

The onus was on her to contact you back, I wouldn't renew it for her either - c.f.!

MatildaTheCat · 06/01/2019 12:29

She’s your best friend so this is definitely not worth falling out over. It’s a miscommunication. She didn’t realise the bonus would expire and that you’d been try to deliver it. The fact that you didn’t message her does make your efforts look a bit lukewarm even if they weren’t- almost everyone communicates electronically now.

I would personally speak to her and explain that you did try to deliver it and sorry for her disappointment. If you feel like it you can say her message has upset you.

Then decide if you want to bother trying to renew it. If not just tell her you will think of her another time.

Best friends are quite precious. I wouldn’t lose mine over this (spa day?).

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