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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give it to her? CF?

150 replies

SpangledPants · 06/01/2019 08:00

Had to NC for this as it's really outing. I work for a top company who provide a very £££ exclusive luxury service. Every once in a while (like maybe once a year), as a random bonus, we are sometimes offered a (specific timeslot) freebie to enjoy these services ourselves. Having been in this company for 15yrs the novelty of a freebie has worn off a bit and we are free to offer it to close friends/relatives. Before xmas my best friend heard I had a freebie and asked if I would let her have it? I was ok about this but it necessitated handing her an electronic keycard. Over the Christmas period I tried to drop off this card but the family weren't home. On a separate day I phoned up but got no answer so I assumed (wrongly it turns out) that they'd all gone away. I then get a txt from said friend asking to come & collect the card. I replied that I'd tried to get in touch twice over xmas to drop it off but hadn't found her home & that the card had now expired. I'd need to go into work and ask if they'd allow me to have it renewed? (this isn't always possible due to scheduling). Anyway, in the middle of the night last night I got woken by an arsey text about said friend having not gone anywhere during the holidays & having been home all the time. Hmm Like she didn't believe me. She's not the drinking sort but I wonder if she was drunk last night because the message was out of character. It left me feeling a bit pissed. This is a gift, not a right and I tried to deliver it twice. I'm being (indirectly) accused of lying & she's waiting for me to renew the key. Aibu not to hand it over now? I don't want to spoil a previously good friendship but I'm feeling unappreciated here. I don't even know if it can be renewed now due to scheduling.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 06/01/2019 09:17

why you didn’t drop it through her letterbox when you went round.

The OP said that they are valuable and she couldn't do this.

frazzledasarock · 06/01/2019 09:18

I wouldn’t even bother replying. Do back exactly what she did when you were trying to contact her to arrange handing the card over to her. Just ignore her for a bit.

Then a couple of weeks later be surprised and tell her cards expired and there’s nothing you can do as you’ve handed it all back.

I also would not drop a key card that I had to return to work safely thro someone’s letter box. You’d end up in trouble if your flaky friend later claimed she never got it.

Groovee · 06/01/2019 09:21

I wouldn't bother responding.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/01/2019 09:22

The friend contacted the Op to ask if she could collect the card but the OP has already been round when the friend wasn't in. I can see why friend is pissed off.

What were the arrangements regarding the card after you'd told friend she could go?
Did you turn up unannounced to drop of off?

LadyPenelope68 · 06/01/2019 09:25

She was bloody cheeky asking you for it in the first place, but even cheekier to now have a go/accuse you of lying about delivering it. Definitely don't renew it. Can't believe some posters are saying you should have posted it/rung her etc, etc

irenaballerina · 06/01/2019 09:29

Absolutely don't give it to her! She sounds super ungrateful

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 06/01/2019 09:29

Even taking aside ‘arrangements’ for getting the card. This was a freebie. The friend was getting something as a bonus. (Someone else’s bonus I should add)

A normal friend doesn’t send stroppy texts accusing the gift giver of lying.

SoupDragon · 06/01/2019 09:31

Before xmas my best friend heard I had a freebie and asked if I would let her have it?

Note the "before Xmas". So, she asked before Christmas and then made no effort to pick it up, expecting the OP do do everything? Do people really think that is reasonable?

SoupDragon · 06/01/2019 09:32

The friend couldn't even be arsed to return the missed call.

arranbubonicplague · 06/01/2019 09:33

Judging by the number of couriers forlornly wondering running about, thunderously knocking at front doors round us, it is quite common for people not to hear their front door bells or a knock, especially if there's a full house or the TV is on, never mind if they've had a heavy night previously.

Every single one of them will say, "The courier can't have knocked because we were in" when they pick up their parcel. Because couriers under extreme time pressure have nothing better to do than run round and drop parcels off with the nearest person who will answer the door. Hmm

Being PA with a text is not on at all.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/01/2019 09:34

Yes I agree it's off that she didn't call the OP back, I just wonder what the arrangements re the card were when the OP told friend could go on the freebie.

RhiWrites · 06/01/2019 09:34

The message suggested above is so bridge burning. OP, I’d suggest something like:
“That’s weird, if you check your call logs it should show the time I called. I was outside your house then. Maybe you were in the garden? Sorry it didn’t work out this time anyway.”

Then leave it. You tried, it’s too late now and she hasn’t acted in a way that would incline you to go the extra mile.

BlueJava · 06/01/2019 09:35

I would say it couldn't be renewed and distance myself from her. You were giving her something which was kind of you (tbh I think she was cheeky asking for it!) and therefore she should have done all the running (getting the card, giving it back etc.).

regmover · 06/01/2019 09:35

I think some people are missing the fact that Op also rang her friend and friend didn't bother to ring back. Personally, if her text had been polite I'd make efforts to get a new card. As it was arsey like hell I would.

backinthebox · 06/01/2019 09:36

There is no need to provide friends with your work perks, it’s a nice-to-have but they are not entitled to it and the offer can be withdrawn at any time.

I work for an airline and can get cheap flights for friends and family. As there are certain conditions when on a flight on a staff ticket I am guarded about who I buy these for. I recently had to refuse to buy a ticket for my husband’s friend’s teenage daughter’s friend after the friend got shouty on the phone when I couldn’t find a cheap deal for the exact flight the daughter wanted. (One of the conditional is flexibility.) I withdrew all offers of flights as I am not offering my staff perk to someone who calls to shout at me on behalf of someone I’ve never even met.

It’s a privilege, not a right.

Consolidatedyourloins · 06/01/2019 09:36

YANBU. What's done is done, I wouldn't ask for a renewed pass in light if her arsey text.

However, I also think it's weird that once she didn't answer the phone, you didn't drop her a quick text to say 'I have the card, it expires 31 Dec, let me know when you want to collect it'. Did you have no contact over Xmas?

I wouldn't end the friendship if she's otherwise lovely and you're BF.

Dollymixture22 · 06/01/2019 09:38

She’s cheeky by asking in the first place. I would wait for it to be offered. Taking a freebie from someone’s place of work is quite a big deal.

diddl · 06/01/2019 09:39

I don't think that the friend was necessarily cheeky to ask for the freebie if she knows that Op isn't bothered anymore.

Obviously depends how the asking was done.

But after that I do think that it was up to the friend to do the chasing/arranging for the key.

Trills · 06/01/2019 09:42

This is the kind of situation where texting really is useful.

You went round to her house, but without checking if she was in.

You phoned her, but didn't leave a message?

And your comment about being woken up in the middle of the night suggests that you are not a big texter.

It really is helpful to be able to leave messages at a time that's convenient for you, that people can look at when it's convenient for them.

She is being rude. She shouldn't be rude even if you had not tried to contact her at all.

But you didn't try very effectively, from what I can see.

RandomMess · 06/01/2019 09:43

Think I would ask her if she was drunk last night? Yes she's being CF and unreasonable but do you want this to blow up and end a previously good friendship?

Juells · 06/01/2019 09:45

backinthebox

my husband’s friend’s teenage daughter’s friend after the friend got shouty on the phone when I couldn’t find a cheap deal for the exact flight the daughter wanted.

That's actually comical - apart from being infuriating. The CFery of some people is astounding.

As for the OP's friend texting in the middle of the night... I'd be livid. Would you phone someone in the middle of the night? If not, don't text. Most people have their phone with them and are woken by the ping of a text coming through.

arranbubonicplague · 06/01/2019 09:46

It’s a privilege, not a right.

I'm astonished at how many people glide effortlessly from
privilege > right
or
acts of thoughtfulness/kindness/consideration are converted it to personal entitlement that must happen on demand and with no inconvenience at all.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/01/2019 09:46

But the friend did send a text to ask about coming to collect the card. After the the OP had called unannounced to drop it off.

purpleelk · 06/01/2019 09:46

“I don't think that the friend was necessarily cheeky to ask for the freebie if she knows that Op isn't bothered anymore”

Right before Christmas? When the OP could have gifted it to friends or extended family or donated it to the school raffle/charity auction, where it would probably be the “main” prize?

masterstef · 06/01/2019 09:47

'randomly timed phone call' Grin
Maybe she also missed the phone call setting up the specific time for that next phone call setting up the time to deliver it

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