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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

More WIBU - Friend yelled at another friend's child

112 replies

ImAskingForAFriend · 05/01/2019 21:52

So, I'll try and make this quick because I'm aware this is not my circus and all that so should just let it go and forget about it B...U....T....

There was a party which was attended by Veronica and Betty, who are my mutual friends but could, at best, by described as acquaintances. From what I understand, there was a soft play style area for kids. Veronica saw Betty's six year old daughter repeatedly shove her two year old son away from one of the toys. She yelled at the daughter and told her off for bullying her son. Betty's daughter ran off to her mum and apparently was so inconsolable the family had to leave shortly after. Betty's daughter also said Veronica's son was trying to play with the toy but didn't understand how it worked so she was trying to help him by showing him.

Betty's pretty mad. She wants Veronica to apologise. Knowing Betty's daughter, she's one of those kids who likes to be helpful but also isn't exactly graceful so I've no doubt she was trying to be helpful but perhaps wasn't being as gentle as she should have been. I also don't agree with yelling at children, ESPECIALLY other people's children, unless there's immediate danger (but get that YMMV on that one) so kind of feel the girl should have been sternly told 'Hey. He's like half your size. Be careful!' but shouldn't have been yelled at or called a bully.

But I'm also a Mama Bear to a kiddo younger than Veronica's and, if I saw kiddo in a similar situation, I'd be pretty mad too so I can see where she's coming from and why she'd want to shout in that particular situation.

WIBU?

OP posts:

JudasPrudy · 05/01/2019 21:54

YABU to say Mama Bear and Kiddo. Veronica's kid sounds like she needs to be shouted at a bit more often.

JudasPrudy · 05/01/2019 21:54

Betty's kid even

Chillyegg · 05/01/2019 21:56

YABU for using the words “mama bear” and “kiddo”
Other than that your mate that shouted seems a touch unhinged and the family of the sad child probably should stay well clear. Screaming at children over small things is no ok. Kids are kids . They push and sometimes act like little twats .like adults do. But adults have had years to practice restraint and how to act in a social situation.

GruciusMalfoy · 05/01/2019 21:56

Sorry, I was with you until Mama Bear. YABU.

notthegreatestdancer · 05/01/2019 21:56

What the hell is a Mama Bear ?

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 05/01/2019 21:57

Back right away and leave them to sort it out between themselves. When they try to talk to you about it, shut it down and say "I don't want to talk about it behind her back, speak to her" repeatedly. No good ever comes of three different people trying to resolve a conflict between two of them.

However, I will say this. If you aren't watching your child at a soft play place and they hurt another child, they need to be told off. If another adult spots them behaving badly and tells them off, unless it's outrageously badly handled, you smile, accept it and get on with your day. It takes a village to raise a child and all that; mine have been corrected by friends parents before when I've missed an incident and neither has been particularly upset by it. Odd to be so hysterical that they'd have to leave.

SushiMonster · 05/01/2019 21:59

How do you do like, normal stuff with your cumbersome bear paws? And does your insatiable desire for food get in the way of life?

GobblersKnob · 05/01/2019 22:00

Hang on, you asked WIBU? So are you Veronica or Betty, Mama Bear?

JennyFisher12 · 05/01/2019 22:01

Who talks like this??

notthegreatestdancer · 05/01/2019 22:01

Is this you OP ?

More WIBU - Friend yelled at another friend's child

Qcng · 05/01/2019 22:01

FWIW I'm on the side of the mother of the 2 year old and would have been pissed off at a much older child shoving a 2 yr old.
But she must have really over reacted quite badly if the 6yr old and mother had to leave.
I've been in challenging soft play situations and really you need to make peace at the time, the child in the wrong should apologise. Parents shouldn't shout at other children that's terrible BUT if a child is behaving badly I wouldn't hesitate to have a word.
Tricky. Not sure without more info. Eg how bad was the child's behaviour vs how bad was the mum's shouting?

MissyCooper · 05/01/2019 22:01

Veronica and Betty? Are they in their nineties?

theworldistoosmall · 05/01/2019 22:04

Maybe the 6-year-old isn't used to being told off. Hence why she was very very upset.

Bambamber · 05/01/2019 22:05

I'm not entirely sure how repeatedly shoving a much smaller child away from a toy can be 'helping' the toddler play with that toy. So the stories don't exactly match up there, either the mum didn't see her shoving the toddler, or the little girl isn't being entirely truthful.

Either way the mum shouldn't have shouted at her and called her a bully, but I would have most certainly told her off

alansleftfoot · 05/01/2019 22:06

Are you American ? 'Mama bear', 'kiddo ' ??

Returnofthesmileybar · 05/01/2019 22:07

Betty's daughter sounds like a drama queen but it's pretty clear she didn't lick it off a stone.

Veronica was fine to give out but using the word bullying willy nilly pisses me off too, a simple "Oi Blanch, leave him be, he's much smaller than you" in a stern voice usually does it anyway

lunar1 · 05/01/2019 22:08

I think if you don't supervise and stop your 6 year old shoving over a toddler you can't be surprised when someone else tells them to stop. If the mum had stopped it her child wouldn't have been shouted at.

goldengummybear · 05/01/2019 22:08

Did an adult see the shouting or did the 6 year old call it shouting? I know from experience that my kids at 6 might have used shout for anything from a gently telling off to apoplectic with rage. They would have cried/sulked out of embarrassment even after a gently telling off which is warranted if a 6 year old shoves a 2 year old. The 6 year old is lucky that the 2 year old didn't try and hurt her back.

If it was one shove then I can see that an overexcited 6 year old can be a bit rough and a 2 year old on a possibly unstable surface fall down. Repeated shoving doesn't look good at all unless there's special circumstances like she was pushing him out of harm's way.

goldengummybear · 05/01/2019 22:09

I thought Veronica and Betty from Riverdale rather than 90 year olds but I'm a mum to a teen.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 05/01/2019 22:10

6 years old is old enough to know not to push other children. The 2 year old's mum didn't handle it well though. The 6 year old's mum over reacted by having to leave so swings and roundabouts. Best to stay out of it if you aren't either of the mums

NotANotMan · 05/01/2019 22:12

The 6 year old shouldn't have been shoving a toddler and the mother of the 6 year old needs to stop being so precious.

ID81241 · 05/01/2019 22:12

Betty should've been watching her child in the first place and this would've been avoided. So Betty is BU (unless Veronica's shouting went beyond telling off to the crazy/ agressive levels).

I once spoke strongly to a 7 year old at a soft play who had climbed up the big slide from the bottom while my 2 year old was going down, taking out my 2 year old in the process. She ran off crying to her mum after my telling off and I followed her with my inconsolable 2 year old to tell her mum off too. At least her mother had the good grace to apologise and say her child should not have been climbing up the big slides.

No one enjoys telling off a child, especially someone else's, and it annoys me when I'm put in that situation because the parent isn't watching their child. I'm guessing you're Betty OP?

Consolidatedyourloins · 05/01/2019 22:13

He's like half your size.

I hope you're in the US.

Stompythedinosaur · 05/01/2019 22:14

I think telling off the older child would have been fine, but there was no need to shout at her.

BrylcreamBeret · 05/01/2019 22:14

op were your choice of names inspired by The Heather's?

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