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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More WIBU - Friend yelled at another friend's child

112 replies

ImAskingForAFriend · 05/01/2019 21:52

So, I'll try and make this quick because I'm aware this is not my circus and all that so should just let it go and forget about it B...U....T....

There was a party which was attended by Veronica and Betty, who are my mutual friends but could, at best, by described as acquaintances. From what I understand, there was a soft play style area for kids. Veronica saw Betty's six year old daughter repeatedly shove her two year old son away from one of the toys. She yelled at the daughter and told her off for bullying her son. Betty's daughter ran off to her mum and apparently was so inconsolable the family had to leave shortly after. Betty's daughter also said Veronica's son was trying to play with the toy but didn't understand how it worked so she was trying to help him by showing him.

Betty's pretty mad. She wants Veronica to apologise. Knowing Betty's daughter, she's one of those kids who likes to be helpful but also isn't exactly graceful so I've no doubt she was trying to be helpful but perhaps wasn't being as gentle as she should have been. I also don't agree with yelling at children, ESPECIALLY other people's children, unless there's immediate danger (but get that YMMV on that one) so kind of feel the girl should have been sternly told 'Hey. He's like half your size. Be careful!' but shouldn't have been yelled at or called a bully.

But I'm also a Mama Bear to a kiddo younger than Veronica's and, if I saw kiddo in a similar situation, I'd be pretty mad too so I can see where she's coming from and why she'd want to shout in that particular situation.

WIBU?

OP posts:
LemsipLemsipLemsip · 05/01/2019 23:07

BoneyBackJefferson Where were Archie and Jughead?! Grin I just snorted in a deeply unattractive and snotty manner. Thanks for that!

Yabbers · 05/01/2019 23:07

I wouldn’t like a mother shouting at my 6 old and I don’t say boo to a goose but I think I’d have to say something in that situation.
As long as you’d be happy to be told you should have intervened, then you can happily say boo to this goose for shouting at your child.

Generally he holds his shoulders, looks like he’s shoving him and then tells him where to stand so he can watch. Or you could teach him that pushing his brother about is not on for any reason. Because when he does it to another child, it’s not acceptable.

blacksax · 05/01/2019 23:07

The 6-year-old sounds like a drama llama who is used to getting her own way and has a strop if anyone remonstrates with her.

Lose2StoneObviously · 05/01/2019 23:11

I imagine the 2 yo must have been annoying the 6Yo, probably trying to grab the toy she was playing with. If you weren't there you cant really make a judgment I don't think.

snitzelvoncrumb · 05/01/2019 23:13

Honestly just let them sort it.
This happens a lot when kids play, I just take my toddler to play in a different spot if there is a rough child. Occasionally I have had to ask them to please leave the toddler alone.

Flower777 · 05/01/2019 23:14

My guess is Canadian?

Bellatrix14 · 05/01/2019 23:15

I don’t understand why everyone is asking if you’re American, OP. Why does it matter if you’re American? Either they find your choice of words annoying or they don’t, but there’s no need for them to be rude about it.

I find the whole ‘DD, DS, DH’ thing slightly tedious and the ‘LO’ fairly nauseating, but I don’t attack individual posters about it Hmm

I don’t think your friend was in the wrong to have asked the daughter not to push her son. However I don’t think she should have yelled at her, if you actually mean yelled as opposed to just ‘she told her off’. You ask her to stop as soon as she starts doing it, and then if she doesn’t you remove your child and ask the other child’s parent to speak to her, and explain that you have asked for it to stop and been ignored.

FreshlyWashed · 05/01/2019 23:18

When my DD was 2 she'd never have been shoved repeatedly at soft play because I was always close by.

A 6 yr old, whilst still very young, needs less supervision, although I'd still expect the parent to keep an eye.

Therefore to me, the mother of the two year old was the unreasonable one for not supervising her kid more closely.

But unless OP is one of the parents, I'd suggest she stays well out of it.

TeddybearBaby · 05/01/2019 23:18

@Yabbers I’m not agressive as I think I alluded to so it wouldn’t be a problem. I’d literally ask what went on from her point of view.

Yabbers · 05/01/2019 23:21

If you weren't there you cant really make a judgment I don't think.

Explain a situation where a person three times your size is within their rights to physically take something from you and repeatedly push you?

Thetruthwillout80 · 05/01/2019 23:24

If I had a six year old child was bullying a two year old, and pushing him, I would have no issue with someone taking it up with her.. within reason, of vourse.

Thetruthwillout80 · 05/01/2019 23:24

course*

Thetruthwillout80 · 05/01/2019 23:25

Sorry, tired, make of my first post what you will..😂

honeyrider · 05/01/2019 23:31

The 6-year-old sounds like a drama llama who is used to getting her own way and has a strop if anyone remonstrates with her.

I agree with this, the 6 year old sounds like a little madam used to getting her own way.

Original poster
ImAskingForAFriend · 05/01/2019 23:45

Thanks thread for confirm what I thought (while sending messages along the lines of 'Yep, yeah, uh-huh...so, warm winter we're having, huh'? and trying not to scream), which is:

  • Dear feisty Veronica: Those of us who have had to run to the aid of our kiddos/children/little ones/LOs/toddlers/spawn (delete as tolerable) who have been in soft play situation with a cough spirited older child applaud you for saying something but did you really need to "yell" until a six year old was "inconsolable", according to "eye witness accounts"? One feels a stern word would have got the message across. Just a thought.
  • Dear sweet Betty: Look, I know your daughter means well but, let's face it, she doesn't always know her own strength sometimes. And, yeah, frankly, you do need to take her to one side and say, 'Hey, get that your heart was in the right place, but Veronica's son is only small so you really do need to be careful and you can't treat him the same way you would friends in your class' rather than storming out and demanding an apology from a woman who, admittedly without all the facts, thought she was keeping her son out of harm's way.
  • Dear both of you: Seriously, both your children have forgotten about the party by now, let alone soft-play-gate, so please just let it go? Thanks!

New question - WIBU to pretend I lost my phone for the next week?

OP posts:
Original poster
ImAskingForAFriend · 05/01/2019 23:52

Oh, and for the person who asked, Archie and Jughead were MIA throughout entirety of soft-play-gate! Grin

OP posts:
Strongmummy · 05/01/2019 23:56

You’ve got no idea if there was yelling or shouting. This is a 6 year old’s version of events. She was probably embarrassed about being reprimanded for being heavy handed.

Strongmummy · 05/01/2019 23:59

Also “mama bear” and “kiddo” is awful. Just. Awful. 🤣

FrancisCrawford · 06/01/2019 00:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tartsamazeballs · 06/01/2019 00:52

@Freshly

Therefore to me, the mother of the two year old was the unreasonable one for not supervising her kid more closely.

What on earth are you smoking?!

5foot5 · 06/01/2019 01:05

Thankfully it is a long, long time since I have had to go to one of those places. However, I seem to remember that there were bits reserved for the tinies and then the rest of it. Was the 2yo in the wrong bit? I remember you had to keep watch on your child and intervene when appropriate. But I don't think yelling is ever appropriate. I hate people who yell.

differentnameforthis · 06/01/2019 02:42

Alright op, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with using mama bear and kiddo! Those posters have nothing constructive to add, so just want to pull apart your vocab until they feel better about themselves. Which is ironic, because isn't that what bullies do?

I think Betty needs to keep an eye on her kid, and Veronica needs to learn to speak to the parent about their child's behaviour, especially as she knew who her mum was. I would stay out of it though.

BeatNickBeamer · 06/01/2019 08:30

Why is everyone being such a dick about which words op used when you know exactly what she meant? You all come across as very immature and tribal.

Strongmummy · 06/01/2019 08:31

There is everything wrong with using “mama bear”. It’s cringe worthy. We’re not bears , we’re adult humans. It’s not just the infantile language either. Mama bear suggests base and instinctive “fight or flight” reactions to situations rather than using human rationality. If my child is hurt, yes my gut is to go in all guns blazing, but you know what, I can stop, assess the situation and understand the nuance. That controls my behaviour. Mama Bear abdicates responsibility. Nothing to do with “making myself feel better” nothing to do with “bullying” 🙄.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 06/01/2019 08:40

You were not there.. don't comment.