More WIBU - Friend yelled at another friend's child

[ImAskingForAFriend]

So, I'll try and make this quick because I'm aware this is not my circus and all that so should just let it go and forget about it B...U....T....

There was a party which was attended by Veronica and Betty, who are my mutual friends but could, at best, by described as acquaintances. From what I understand, there was a soft play style area for kids. Veronica saw Betty's six year old daughter repeatedly shove her two year old son away from one of the toys. She yelled at the daughter and told her off for bullying her son. Betty's daughter ran off to her mum and apparently was so inconsolable the family had to leave shortly after. Betty's daughter also said Veronica's son was trying to play with the toy but didn't understand how it worked so she was trying to help him by showing him.

Betty's pretty mad. She wants Veronica to apologise. Knowing Betty's daughter, she's one of those kids who likes to be helpful but also isn't exactly graceful so I've no doubt she was trying to be helpful but perhaps wasn't being as gentle as she should have been. I also don't agree with yelling at children, ESPECIALLY other people's children, unless there's immediate danger (but get that YMMV on that one) so kind of feel the girl should have been sternly told 'Hey. He's like half your size. Be careful!' but shouldn't have been yelled at or called a bully.

But I'm also a Mama Bear to a kiddo younger than Veronica's and, if I saw kiddo in a similar situation, I'd be pretty mad too so I can see where she's coming from and why she'd want to shout in that particular situation.

WIBU?

The 6yo should not have been pushing the 2yo about. She needed a stern word. Her parents should have noticed tbh. They should be apologising rather than reacting like this.
But YABU to use mama bear 🤣

I was thinking Archie comics

Veronica should not have shouted but Betty’s “kiddo” (bleurgh!) sounds like a little shit who needs taking down a peg or two. Personally if I had been Veronica I would have had a stern word to the girl then immediately explained situation to Betty rather than letting the child tell her side/made up excuse first.

In your situation I would stay out of it, sympathise with both friends but stay on the fence.

When did telling a child off for bad behaviour become a problem? So many posts saying "she shouldn't have shouted". Why the hell not? 6 year old shoving a 2 year old about, unsupervised, of course you'd shout. She clearly isn't shouted at enough if she thinks picking on a 2 yo is acceptable. I'm so glad I don't have young kids nowadays.

Good grief, why are so many posters obsessed with critiquing others posting styles?? Just answer the bloody question!

It is pretty patently clear to me that the OP is American, her terminology is very common there. Get off your stupid MN-lingo-only high horses

they all sound like snowflakes

Where were Archie and Jughead whilst this was going on?

Where is Mama Bear?! 🐻

Considering the general noise level in your average soft play area, I expect the mum had to shout - she'd never have been heard over the din otherwise.

Tending to her cubs. Sorry. 'Kiddos'.

Urgh I'm from Yorkshire and use phrases like mama bear and kiddo...
Only on Mumsnet do the pirañas bitch at you for using words THEY deem wrong to use.

As for your post - Unless your one of these women, seriously drop it. Kids will be kids.

If she literally yelled then she was being unreasonable imo but I’d take it on the chin if it was my kid misbehaving. The fact the child was inconsolable and they had to leave suggests that she’s not used to being told off which might be why she was picking on a 2yo. Tbh I wouldn’t really want to knock about with mums who yell or mums with kids who are little shits so I’d probably be friends with neither of them.

The irony has not escaped me here but...why are people jumping on the Mama Bear and kiddo bandwagon? So what if you don’t use those words, they are irrelevant to the story. In fact if anything, the OP portrays herself as a protective parent of 2 year old herself with the use of that expression.

I don’t know whether to think this makes mumsnet sound like a bunch of bitchy women or to be mildly amused.

Anyway, OP, stay out of it, is what I’d say to you.

Where is Mama Bear?! 🐻

She's off on her holibobs with her hubby and kiddos 🤣

Betty should have asked Veronica what happened when her daughter came over in tears.

I can understand a smaller child being so hysterical you have to leave, but a 6 year old? Really? The mum should have cleared the air with the other mum first, definitely.

Now it’s all done OP just keep out of it. I mean really, who cares. Bit of shoving, bit of shouting, sounds like fairly average soft play stuff to me.

Yeah all the bitchiness about language just makes me think of grammar school pupils taking the mick out of the common kid from the estate.

But she must have really over reacted quite badly if the 6yr old and mother had to leave

Or she’s never been told off in her life and made a fuss about it?

Mum of younger child was absolutely right. I’d have shouted at a 6 year old repeatedly pushing my 2 year old and if the mother had a fit so be it, she should have sorted it first.

Betty Junior was NOT just trying to be kind and helpful ffs. Who pushes a child out of the way to help them? She was picking on a 2 year old. What next? “She only stole his dinner money so he didn’t buy sweeties with it”. Betty Junior does not play well with others and it seems Betty needs to teach her better social skills.

I can see how people lose it in these situations. Someone hitting your child can bring out the devil in you but I think you have to keep in control and remember these are all just children learning so I wouldn’t like a mother shouting at my 6 old and I don’t say boo to a goose but I think I’d have to say something in that situation.

If I was you I wouldn’t get involved and would try to change the subject - just be like ‘oh dear, what a shame. Anyway isn’t the weather nice’. X

If someone saw a 6 year old shoving their 2 year old over I think most people would be having a bloody stern word.

Are you in America?

To be fair my 6 year old does indeed shove my toddler out of the way when he is showing him how to do things.

Generally he holds his shoulders, looks like he’s shoving him and then tells him where to stand so he can watch...and will then proceed to explain, and then help toddler play once the Grand Imparting of Valuable Information is done.

It looks more vicious than it is generally and I don’t intervene anymore because they all like it more when they are left to play together. Toddler doesn’t seem to mind a bit and will stand where he’s told quite happily (only when it’s a sibling doing the bossing though, sadly).

I can imagine the situation and imagine the girl didn’t mean any harm. But, the thing is, once you’re out of the heat of the moment - it doesn’t fucking matter does it. No one died. Blimey how would you ever survive having multiple kids if you put this much emotion into one soft play incident.

Get off your stupid MN-lingo-only high horses

Yes exactly

6yo repeatedly shoving a 2yo is not on.

Why all the Mean Girl stuff about someone's idiosyncratic use of language? Just grow up and stop being nasty

Are you American?

Sorry everyone's being a dick to you for not toeing the idiotic party line and saying DH, DD, DDog, etfuckingcetera.

It's not reasonable to yell at someone else's kids unless someone's about to die or get seriously injured. It's barely OK to yell at your own kid outside of these circumstances. Hope that helps.