More WIBU - Friend yelled at another friend's child

[ImAskingForAFriend]

So, I'll try and make this quick because I'm aware this is not my circus and all that so should just let it go and forget about it B...U....T....

There was a party which was attended by Veronica and Betty, who are my mutual friends but could, at best, by described as acquaintances. From what I understand, there was a soft play style area for kids. Veronica saw Betty's six year old daughter repeatedly shove her two year old son away from one of the toys. She yelled at the daughter and told her off for bullying her son. Betty's daughter ran off to her mum and apparently was so inconsolable the family had to leave shortly after. Betty's daughter also said Veronica's son was trying to play with the toy but didn't understand how it worked so she was trying to help him by showing him.

Betty's pretty mad. She wants Veronica to apologise. Knowing Betty's daughter, she's one of those kids who likes to be helpful but also isn't exactly graceful so I've no doubt she was trying to be helpful but perhaps wasn't being as gentle as she should have been. I also don't agree with yelling at children, ESPECIALLY other people's children, unless there's immediate danger (but get that YMMV on that one) so kind of feel the girl should have been sternly told 'Hey. He's like half your size. Be careful!' but shouldn't have been yelled at or called a bully.

But I'm also a Mama Bear to a kiddo younger than Veronica's and, if I saw kiddo in a similar situation, I'd be pretty mad too so I can see where she's coming from and why she'd want to shout in that particular situation.

WIBU?

Did you really send those messages?

They are very patronising!

I enjoy reading MN but it just seems so unnecessary to comment on someone's choice of words when describing their experience
It completely misses the point of the story and it just makes those people seem so petty
Sure if you want to scoff at your friends language IRL then go ahead because hopefully you have enough shared history to understand one another's jokes and idiosyncrasies
But it makes for uncomfortable reading on the thread and I always wonder why would the OP come back
Obviously everyone can do as they like (as I'll probably be told) but it's very irritating

@tosleepallday

I enjoy reading MN but it just seems so unnecessary to comment on someone's choice of words when describing their experience. It completely misses the point of the story and it just makes those people seem so petty

The word I'd use is xenophobic. MN often seems to forget that we're not all white British.

And the excuse that it's AIBU so you just need to be thick-skinned to take it is pathetic.

None of these people would be so rude in RL.

None of these people would be so rude in RL.

I would. A grown woman talking to other adults referring to herself as 'Mama Bear' , regardless of what country she is from , is fucking ridiculous!

Who talks like this??

How ironic, when MN has its own secret language of bloody acronyms!

One of my friends told my 4 year old off once. Absolutely screamed at her in front of all our friends for an extremely minor invited. I was fuming. After that my daughter never wanted to go to that friends house again.

How ironic, when MN has its own secret language of bloody acronyms!

Life is full of acronyms but to use a term such as Mama Bear to another adult insults our intelligence

I shall now refer to DH as ' Papa Bear ' and the DCs as 'Cubs ' although the eldest this morning was a bloody 'Grizzly Bear'

That should appease some on here

I try not to shout at my own children. I would be pretty mad if someone else shouted at them. A firm ‘you need to be gentle with the little on’ would have been fine.
Normally mumsnet are totally against yelling at children and other adults so I’m surprised by the replies.

Theres no need to message veronica anything. Betty should have been watching her daughter.

It's highly unlikely that veronica yelled to a point the child was so upset. From what you said, it seems far more likely that the child knows they get out of trouble if they through a huge crying fit and Betty panders to it.

I am not going to judge you for using mama bear......But what does that mean. Why doesn't 'I am a mum or mother' cover it?

@notthegreatestdancer
Right so if a random person at your work/child's school/nursery or wherever was telling you a story and described herself as a mama bear you would focus on that part of her story and make her feel small for describing herself in that way
How utterly pointless and ridiculous

Fine to tell someone else's child off in a calm and sensible manner, definitely not fine to be OTT or shout.

It sounds like everyone behaved badly (including you because you said mama bear)

Those messages were really patronising! There is no need to message either Veronica or Betty - it’s not your argument! And if asked directly by either of them just say you don’t want to get involved.

I would want confirmation that the telling on was that excessive the tears were caused by it. I've had a friends child burst into tears and run to mum with a mild telling off. Mum is aware child can be quite emotional and was happy if not been inappropriate- I hadn't. I wouldn't tolerate my 2 year old being buttered and pushed by a six year old. Older kid should have walked away. If no physical contact occurred between the mum and child, and no swearing or screaming, juts a firm telling off- I'm with the mum of the younger kid and they were reasonable.

Right so if a random person at your work/child's school/nursery or wherever was telling you a story and described herself as a mama bear you would focus on that part of her story and make her feel small for describing herself in that way
How utterly pointless and ridiculou

Yes because the infantile way the OP describes herself distracts from the incident and therefore her credibility, in my eye, goes out the window. Even worse when they speak face to face with an adult like that.

Yes because the infantile way the OP describes herself distracts from the incident and therefore her credibility, in my eye, goes out the window. Even worse when they speak face to face with an adult like that.

Well I just hope that everytime something you say offends (for no important reason,) you are picked up on it in an equally rude manner.

I shall now refer to DH as ' Papa Bear ' and the DCs as 'Cubs ' although the eldest this morning was a bloody 'Grizzly Bear'

I know a few people who describe their young children as cubs.

I may not do it myself but it's not my place to tell them they shouldn't.

Shoved?
Or trying to show him?
Completely different things.

It doesn’t take much for some children to be “inconsolable”

If anyone yelled at my 9 year old she’d be inconsolable. If anyone told her off she’d be the same. Her chin wobbles with even the most gentle telling off from me, she hates to think she has done wrong.

If someone had a go at her for pushing a toddler I’d apologise to them for her behaviour.

Well I just hope that everytime something you say offends (for no important reason,) you are picked up on it in an equally rude manner.

The terminology hasn't offended me at all. Just think it's ridiculous- a big difference.

Happy to be picked up on anything I say that used such ridiculous terminology.

Yours

Mrs Grizzly Mama Bear

I just read your update and I honestly wouldn’t discuss it with either of them AT ALL. I have 2 friends - sounds like a similar situation to you so I’m trying to imagine it’s them. There’s no way I should have to comment or get involved! And I wouldn’t...... if it was on a text I just wouldn’t reply to it or say something casual ‘sounds like an ordeal, hope child is ok’ then move on to something else.

It’s literally none of your business and I think they’re out of order for trying to involve you 💐

I enjoy reading MN but it just seems so unnecessary to comment on someone's choice of words when describing their experience. It completely misses the point of the story and it just makes those people seem so petty

This. It's so childish.

@BeatNickBeamer agree and it becomes bitchy and like bullying at times too.

completely agree. Its bitchy, mean and snidy. I dont care what language people use as long as it's not abusive. Funny how no-one seems to mind words like cunt yet mamabear or hubby even, has everyone up in arms.

You weren’t there so you don’t actually know what happened.

You say “hmm, sounds like a difficult afternoon” to both parties and then change the subject. You certainly don’t text them about it.

“Shout” and “yell” are entirely subjective terms in my experience.

A child that rarely gets told off will think any sentence that sounds a bit strict/censorious is “shouting”.

A six years should know not to push over a two year old.

The six year old’s Mother should have marched her over to apologise to the two year old regardless of whether she was actually shouted at or not.

Poor behaviour brings consequences.

Poor behaviour towards other people’s children might bring direct consequences from their parents.

You should apologise for your own poor behaviour even if the other person did overreact.

It’s an important lesson to learn.