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Original poster

To wonder if NCT = social life during maternity leave?

111 replies

RoboticSealpup · 05/01/2019 11:24

I've looked at the website but it's not really clear what you get from membership. Antenatal classes? Organised meet-ups? Playgroups? When I had DD I was so bored on maternity leave, as l hadn't "done NCT" (nobody told me about it!) and people kept talking about "their NCT group" and all their activities. I did a few other antenatal classes but there was no social component to them at all and I was quite lonely and bored during maternity leave despite trying to connect with other mums in various ways. I'm pregnant now and due in summer. We live in a new area so I don't really know anyone.

OP posts:
Flatwhite32 · 05/01/2019 11:26

For me it has given me a network of mums, and through those mums I have met other mums! I'm so glad I did it. I know not everyone feels the same, and it is luck as to whether you gel with the rest of the group, but for me it was a great decision!

Original poster
RoboticSealpup · 05/01/2019 11:28

So how do you meet these mums? Is it just an antenatal class and you're expected to swap numbers with others, or are there regular organised meet-ups?

OP posts:
Rachierach11 · 05/01/2019 11:33

We joke that our NCT friends are our paid for friends because they really are the only good thing that came out of the classes. We all got on really well (we were lucky I know) and have since continued to get together for parties, play dates and occasional holidays. Mat leave was saved by the NCT girls. We’d get together at least twice a week for lunch, coffee, generally hanging out in each others houses and it really broke up the monotony and loneliness of looking after a baby. I went to some baby groups on my own but found it really hard to get to know any other mums, maybe because we all already had our Mum friends so nobody put much effort in?

DailyFailAreTwats · 05/01/2019 11:35

You swap numbers at the class. After that any meet ups are arranged between you, not by NCT.

It is a useful way of meeting other mums, but nothing more. And I won't start ranting about their party line in childbirth etc...

Go to the classes if you want, but I see no reason to pay for membership at all.

Seniorschoolmum · 05/01/2019 11:40

Agree that their classes were helpful & it was good to meet other imminent mums. We swapped numbers and one remains a good friend a decade later.

I can’t see the point of joining longer term unless you intend to become a counsellor for breast feeding or a professional birth partner.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 05/01/2019 11:44

My NCT group was a disaster all round -

There was a post-natal group that was a local/NHS thing and we met up quite a bit, they were very nice. You could look into that - although whether you'd be allowed for second baby I don't know.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 05/01/2019 11:44

I didnt do the classes but i did start going to the group in our village

Some of my friends ive known the longest are from there

Some are from the post natel group through the GP surgery

And i also met someone doing the breastfeeding counseling which i am still in touch with

NothingOnTellyAgain · 05/01/2019 11:45

Also you don't have to join to do the classes but of course they don't tell you that!

You don't get anything else with membership AFAIK.

sueshoes · 05/01/2019 11:48

We started a WhatsApp group. It frittered down from 8 to 5. 1 of the 5 moved away so mainly 3 or 4 of us actually meet up but sometimes all 5. We were almost all people who were not originally from the area, family hundreds of miles away, etc. so we clung together to get through it! I've since made a few more mum friends but they are still the ones I go to for advice, see if they're free to meet up, arrange mum or dad nights out (the dads made a WhatsApp group, too). I imagine it's not as big a deal if you already know people in the area, but I'd still do it regardless as you have people to chat to at 3am and people going through the exact same things at the same time, people to go to baby groups with so you're not sitting on your own, and so on. I definitely viewed it as "paying for friends" although some bits of the class were helpful.

OhWifey · 05/01/2019 11:59

I once heard it described as a way for middle class women to buy friends.

PicaK · 05/01/2019 12:23

If you have the cash I'd do the course.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 05/01/2019 12:24

That's an incredibly mean spirited thing to say isn't it.

I think a lot of people just don't like women TBH.

I've never heard anythign like that directed at gatherings of men.

Satsumaeater · 05/01/2019 12:24

I relied heavily on the NCT during my maternity leave. My group didn't really gel (not with me anyway) and the last time I met up with them was a one year reunion. It is largely a question of luck I think around interests, financial situation and whether you are going back to work, but if you join in the wider local area activities you will probably meet at least one person you can keep in touch with. There are lots of coffee mornings and being able to go to them does keep you sane.

Baconmaket · 05/01/2019 12:25

Yes the purpose seems to be to form a group of friends who will be on maternity leave at the same time and with babies the same age.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 05/01/2019 12:26

YY there are loads of baby groups and stuff.

Like I say I didn't get on with NCT but post natal group were nice.

In the end I had PND so didn't really go out at all, but I have a friend who runs a baby & toddler morning and friends have told me about stuff they did. I think I went to one once, I couldn't cope at all though.

Of course maybe I should have just "bought more friends" and then all my troubles would have been over :/

AnotherOriginalUsername · 05/01/2019 12:27

If you can afford it, it's worth it for the social side, it is literally buying friends. I found it useful from that perspective as a first time mum with no other friends having had babies yet.

Baconmaket · 05/01/2019 12:27

I once heard it described as a way for middle class women to buy friends.

They're not buying friends though are they? AT worst they're buying the opportunity to meet people at a similar stage in life.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 05/01/2019 12:28

"Yes the purpose seems to be to form a group of friends who will be on maternity leave at the same time and with babies the same age."

I don't understand what the issue is with women wanting to do this, to the point of making really nasty comments.

Most womens friends and partners will be at work, it's a total life change, wanting to have some people to socialise with who are in the same boat is hardly a crime (apaprently it is if you're female though!).

There are dads groups as well, I wonder if they get told they're no-mates no-marks because of it.

DrunkOnCalpol · 05/01/2019 12:29

IT doesn't have to be nct, I did a different private class which was also good for making friends but with less of the massive pressure for everything to be natural. If you do take an nct class be aware that the content of the classes is up o the individual teacher and they are not evidence based. They are good for making friends though if there are no other private classes near you. The NHS classes tend to be less geared up to mdking friends.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 05/01/2019 12:30

" it is literally buying friends"

No it literally isn't.

A person having to buy friends means that they are unable to make them without paying them. Becasue they are unlikable. Or becasue they want to look popular (like buying followers on twitter). You have to pay people to spend time with you becasue nbody likes you enough to spend time with you for free.

It's an extremely mean spirited thing to say.

alltalknobaby · 05/01/2019 12:31

It's not buying friends. The other people are not obliged to be friends with you. It's buying an opportunity to meet people about to go through a life changing experience at the same time as you, in the hope that you'll get on, bond and be able to share the highs and lows. My NCT friends were a lifeline for me in the early days. I don't think it would have worked quite so well with a second time parent, as the bewilderment and new experiences bonded us - I would try other baby groups for second time.

Thegirlwithnousername · 05/01/2019 12:32

I didn't do NCT and have some great friends from my DS1..I met mine in the children's centre doing the free courses Under 1s and Baby massage and also a few from paid classes Baby sensory and Swimming.
I don't think you need to pay for NCT to just make friends.
My DS1 is 3 in April and we all still regularly meet up and I am pregnant with Baby number 2 and just going to do the same.

elliejjtiny · 05/01/2019 12:34

I didn't do nct. I made friends through the nhs antenatal classes with my eldest, then breastfeeding group, the children's centre and school.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 05/01/2019 12:39

No need to become an NCT member but worth signing up for a course of ante-natal classes as I way of meeting other local couples about to give birth

There were 6 couples at our classes over 16 years ago when I was expecting DC1 and 1 of the couples are still really good friends (have lost touch with the other 5)

Its not 'buying friends' so much as 'buying the opportunity to make friends' IMO

The actual content of the classes isn't brilliant tbh but it was worth it for the social aspect

Yura · 05/01/2019 12:40

For first time mums it sounds as if it could be great. our local NCTs allows only first time mums in groups, coffee mornings and classes, so if you move in the area after you had your first child (or didn’t do NCT with your first), no support whatsoever. They do wonder why they struggle for volunteers.

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